My Will and Last Testament

Sometimes I dream. 

Sometimes I dream about falling.

I dream about falling down a forty story building. 

The wind through my hair. 

No dirt under my nails. 

I feel clean and perfect. 

Everything has been put together,

and I'm at peace. 

Peace with my mind. 

Peace with myself. 

It's the same every time. 

I wake up to who I am,

and everything is the same around me. 

The dream is the paradise. 

The dream lacks the fear. 

Lacks the emotions. 

Is that peace?

Then why does it feel like it?

It's as if no emotion is at peace. 

No feelings take you home.

So how is it supposed to be?

I catch myself falling,

so why do I fall?

Everything gets so overwhelming.

They buzz past me,

scratching my face.

I have no idea what happened.

Everything is always so much bigger.

I do something, 

but someone else could do it better.

So where does that leave us?

You have to be good at one thing.

Create a name for yourself.

Have one specific talent.

One specific job. 

Is that all we are good for?

We can try the hardest we can to do something right,

and we can still not be the best.

Then what are we good for?

Some of us lack the motivation.

Some of us are simply no good.

So where does that leave me?

I once wished that I could be good at one thing,

it never stuck.

I once tried to be the best,

but there was always better. 

It rattled through my brain,

shook all my bones, 

and I never did once understand.

I think I have it all together now,

but I know I don't.

You can always do it better.

If you cant keep it your best,

you're thrown to the side.

Sometimes.

I think that the world is to much for me.

I feel like I'm being swallowed by everything,

and I can't breathe,

so I don't.

Remember me