Looking For Something?

Thursday, May 31, 2012

The Child: Entry 31

Have you read the preceding chapters?
If not then read it from the beginning
Read the preceding chapter...

The Beginning:

Previously on The Child:

The door within the elevator we were in opened up to reveal the floor that was on the other side of my metal coffin. I felt as if I had seen something like this before but nothing was for sure anymore. A big dark hallway led down the entire length that I could see and candles dimly lit the path.

I was still in shock from what Ville told me previously but Ville just shrugged it off and started to head down the hall. From where I sat I could see Ville only a few feet out before he just blended in with the darkness; I could only make out his silhouette whenever he passed a candle. 

He stopped at one point along the way to open a door, more light came out of the room and I was able to see Ville again. Ville turned and entered the room as I continued to lie in the so-called elevator. I sat in silence trying to accept everything that has happened. How could all of this happen? How could I not know of this till now? I held the cube in my hands on top of my lap staring at all of the mechanisms and craftwork that was involved in it. Gears started to move around within the box and not a single creak came from out of any corner of the box. 

It vibrated softly but it was enough to get my attention, it felt as if something was rolling back and forth from side to side inside the box. I could hear talking down the dark hallway; one of which was Ville. Both people that were talking raised their voices over one another to enrage all of the silence that filled the hall.

Ville peeked outside of the room he was in to look at me. He walked further out and—from what I can make out—folded his arms and looked directly at me, waiting for me to start to head down the hallway. Nothing else could happen with me sitting here so when I gained my composure and a little better grip on my sanity, I began down the hall.

A tingling traveled down my spine as I began my journey down the hall carrying the box in both of my hands in front of me. I felt like a priest of some new world order that worshipped boxes of mysterious origin. I felt consumed like something was inside of me, eating me inside out. This box, this box was something more than what it seemed to be. Ville seemed very interested in this, like it was the very reason why everything was happening.

It was. I couldn't deny it anymore. It was always a thought that roamed in the back of my head but there could be no other reason. Is this box the only thing that was keeping Ville from killing me? Is there even anyone I could trust? My grip on the box tightened. 

I had to keep a hold onto the box and never let it go to leave my sight if my life ever would be in danger. Greed overcame me and when I reached Ville he looked at me in a sorrowful way like some great self-pity towards me, I couldn't stand it.

'Emery. You look like you are going to kill someone, you look like anger have overcome you.' He may have been right, I may have looked that way but that is also how I felt.
'And what are you going to do about it Ville? Kill me?'

'I’m not going to do anything Emery, you can indulge yourself in the glory of that box as much as you want but I want you to understand that this box is nearly a literal living thing. It can think, it can corrupt. My dad can help explain this as long as you give us the time Emery.' I looked down to the box in my hands and although I couldn't see much, I felt I could see everything. I was able to close my eyes and see the box imprinted on the inside of my eyelids—I couldn't get the thought out of my head. It was just burning through my skull and more I thought about it, further it burned.

I tried to distance my thoughts to other things but the box kept appearing in my thoughts and before I knew it I felt a burning in my hands. I opened my eyes to look at the box and I was able to hear searing flesh. Smoke came from my hands and Ville noticed this immediately to run inside the room he was in previously to come out with a towel. He threw it over my hands and lifted it off to run it inside the room that we were by.  

Looking down to my hands I could see imprints of the box into my hands. The same emblem was on both hands and they only composed of six lines. Imagine a capital H but when stroking the horizontal line from right to leave it goes past the parallel lines and triples its length on the other end of this line begins an upside down right-angled triangle. The longer edge would be on the side facing the other two parallel lines becoming the same size as the other parallel lines up past the other side of the horizontal line. Here was another horizontal line connecting the left line of the H to the other line to make a square box.

Looking at it closer I imagined the main horizontal line to be split into three sections. From right to left putting everything in their third of the line was an H, a box on the top of the line and then a right angle on the bottom to end the line. 

I was looking at my hands as I entered in the room Ville and the mysterious other that he was talking to that I could only figure to be his father. This room was quite cramped due to many items being all over the walls and other items on and hanging from the ceiling but I didn't pay to much attention to these things because I was anxious to see Ville's father. I saw a brighter light than the one I was under, several feet in front of me in another room that was on the other side of the room that I was currently in. As I walked closer to that room, my gaze was still fixated on my hands; I could still feel the burning coming out from under my skin and sizzling away.

I walked my way through the way and into the other room to see both Ville's and his father's back to me looking over a bright table with several lights over head it but pointing down to create a small central point of light. I looked up and around the room to see symbols—the same of which being on my hands—being written in ever corner and wall within the room. I got both individuals attention when I stopped suddenly in astonishment to see the room I was in. They began to raise their heads and I was able to make out the last words Ville's father said to his son.

'I am happy to see you again in a very fit shape but I am sure your mother expected you to return in a body bag.'

Up next in The Child:

Remember me

Monday, May 28, 2012

Letters To The Mind: Lust

Dear Lust,

It feels like I crave you more and more, 
as the nights pass.
I can’t believe that you have such a hold on me,
but this has become a reality.
I guess that I have to accept the fact,
the very fact that I am not perfect,
there is always someone better,
I can never look sufficient in my own eyes.
I dream that I could live on that long mile of road,
the same one where people make their name right,
their name becomes a self defining term,
but who am I really?
I am sure I could ask anyone on the street.
No one would know.
No one would even care.
It’s all because of you,
you make me useless,
you make me see potential in others,
and offer none for myself.
I can’t stand my image.
I can’t stand my face.
I just want to walk these streets,
not knowing where I would go.
Some living nightmare.
I can never be complete.
I can never see the light of day.
I break mirrors, 
just so I cant see myself.
I crack my windows,
so I can remain cold.
Fretting in my own image.
As if I am the horror movie.
I can never be what I want to be.
I can never feel whole.
I can never ever see my face.
I can never go home. 

Remember me

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Hell Is Just A Word

The secrets that I own,
are put up on a shelf.
It has terror, 
and I'm scared,
but I know its my home.
Can I stand to let you know?
Can I let you know what it is?
It is how I see,
do you want to see like me?
I have no desire, 
to make you change.
I can keep this in me,
alive and inside.
Someday, you will understand.
Read it through poetry.
Determine the ever changing,
flavours of my mood.
Keeps as a desire,
keeps to yourself.
I dont want to fix it.
You shouldn't either.
Though to me,
it feels like some paradise.
Nothing can be wrong, 
through your eyes.
Determine that,
I live in some living hell.
Maybe it is,
but it feels like home.
Its grown apart of me,
I will miss it.
I forget what happiness is.
Because I can feel it now.
I was born with it,
within my genes.
I may be living,
in a living hell.
But you know,
this is what makes me well.

Remember me

Thursday, May 24, 2012

The Child: Entry 30

Have you read the preceding chapters?
If not then read it from the beginning
Read the preceding chapter...

The Beginning:

Previously on The Child:

Vertigo shook through my legs up to my head. I struggled to keep a foothold when the doors to the small room closed. Ville pushed me into a corner up against some steel and wooden paneling. He had one of his hands on my chest to continue to push me backwards as the other hand was on my left shoulder to hold me back. He looked deep into my eyes with great concentration and seriousness but I was trying to keep my feet on the ground because it felt as if I was falling.

'Stop shaking! I’m not going to hurt you Emery.' I looked down to my legs to see them in the oddest of positions.

'It's not that Ville. What’s happening outside this room?' Ville loosened his grip that was on my clothes and he eased out his tense muscles as he took a few steps away from me.

'Were on an elevator Emery, sit down if you cant keep your foothold.' I did just that. I moved a little out from the corner I was in and sat with my legs crossed and my back leaning against a wall.

'And what an elevator?' Ville laughed to himself and scratched the back of his head.

'Really? Were you born in an Amish village? Well, just imagine a room that can move up and down vertically to transport someone to other floors, just like stairs but you don't have to move at all.' Made sense to me. I nodded my head to him and he nodded back. 'Well I see that you are starting to get curious about Delacroix's Cube, to be honest I expected that to happen on the first night.' I looked down to notice that I had my hand in my pocket wrapped around the cube. Ville crouched down to my level to look at me. 'You can take it out of your pocket now, nobody can be a threat now.' I took my hand out of my pocket and the cube in hand to unclench my hand to let Ville see the cube. 'It’s an amazing thing Emery, the cube. It can do so many things, it has so much potential.'

'Like what?' I asked. Ville shook his head.

'I’m not an expert on this, my father can explain it to you.' I shook my head as I looked down; it always seemed to be something like that, like Ville couldn't tell me himself. Like he was trying to protect me but was willing to let others reveal what he wont with no problem. I looked at the box in my hand and it grew heavier as it seemed to crawl its way to make its size bigger. Something like the roots that I have seen several times in the past but they were the same kind of material that the parts they were made out of; they pushed under and over other roots to just make itself flat again then continue the same process. The box grew inch by inch to stop around to have a six-inch circumference and at least three inches of height in the shape of an octagon. The top of the box was slanted upwards to make it look like some miniature gazebo.

With a gazebo in mind, the walls of the cube were made of some rich looking dark wood looking to have many whittled figures and writing into the direct surface while little pieces of gold decorated various corners and straight lines within the wood. The 'roof' of the box was made out of something completely different though. Some bright but natural looking grey filled the every other section, looked like metal but felt incredibly softer. Many--at least what it looked like to me--squiggly lines and triangles circled around the roof till it reached the tip. It was the art of some incredibly talented artist that I would love to personally meet. 

The box was odd as soon as you looked at the other every other piece of the box because they were not there to enable you to look directly inside of it. They looked like gears as I remembered that it said in the newspaper I have read many years ago but they weren't your typical gears. The gears within the box were a solid white having more curved corners than you typically would see in something metal--it looked as if they were made my hand as well. They didn't shine themselves but the inner walls shined greatly whenever light entered the box. The inner walls of which were a glossy dark red like that of blood with several more figures being painted into the surface in black. I couldn't help but to be amazed at the craftsmanship of the box but as the seconds past I could only assume that this was no work of an ordinary man. I looked back up to Ville to see his gaze fixed on the box as well, when he noticed that I was looking at him he cleared his throat and nodded at me.            

'Nothing else could compare into what was put into that little box, I once knew the man that put all of his time to make that box. Sadly, he died but I vowed to him to help his son to continue in his footsteps since the young boy was born, you've met him too, just without either of you knowing. Remember the old man that we wheeled into town? He is that exact same man.' Something was up and things were odd, I couldn't understand how that Ville had outlived the maker of this box and his son without a single wrinkle upon his face. One could only figure that it had to do something about his process of 'Immaculation'.

'How the hell did you manage to do that Ville?' He smiled at me like he always does.

'I am a very old man Emery. I have lived many years that a dozen of men’s lifetimes could only match what I have experienced.' I shook my head to him again.

'And how do you manage to do that Ville? There’s no way in which you could do anything like that? I want answers Ville. Take me out of this darkness you wrapped around me and tell me what is really going on.' I yelled

'Emery.' Ville paused. 'This is something that no one could just simply explain but to experience it by themselves and I don't want to force something like that on you, it would make you an entirely different person. It changes people. You no longer wonder if you will die the next day but to only wonder how you can fill your never ending cravings. This isn't something you can just do like getting out of bed.'

'Ville. You aren't answering my question.'    

'I know, I know. I’m just trying to find the words for it.' The elevator made a ding and Ville slammed his hand on one of the buttons then crossed his arms. 'Throughout this city, there is an old story of a man named Helerbroiga. Now he was one of the few prestigious men that constructed this city around us. Now the tale talks about the man’s ambitions and how that since the day was born, he wanted to be known centuries upon centuries of his death. Now that obviously happened but the main question is how?'
'This man was born in a rather small village and his father was known as the architect of the village. He planned out everything on how the village was supposed to look like to the very T. Not a single walkway was placed until they received this young boys fathers permission. As time passed, this little boy was no longer some child but a magnificent man that assumed his fathers role and enhanced it greatly. He reached up to a rather large stature that neighboring villages wanted him to do the same thing to theirs but he always refused. Not out of pride but out of respect to his own hometown that he lived and grew up in. Because of this, the village grew faster as each day passed. The people figured out that since they couldn't get him to build them a home in their own village, they decided to move out from where they lived to become a resident of the village this man lived in. Business grew up to the point that this little village that had only a few hundred residents to a massive city. Later on he aided others to be like him so they could assist with the city. That is now the city that we live in and because of his ambitions, he will be remembered forever. This tower that we are in is in fact named after him.'

'So what are you saying Ville?' I asked.
'Immortality Emery, I am talking about immortality.'

Up next in The Child:

Remember me

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Lose Your Way (Like The Rest Of Us)

I never thought I could,
give you enough.
We need the worst of things,
to get up.
In the meantime, 
we travel down a road.
down, down and down.

We're all abandoned
abandoned in an alley
were abandoned in an alley
dumped on the road, 
like the rest of us.

There are better things than this,
don't put me down.
What did you want now?
Is it enough?
we travel down a road.
down, down and down.

We're all abandoned
abandoned in an alley
were abandoned in an alley
dumped on the road,
like the rest of us.

I'm sorry,
I'm in my closet.
Im sorry that,
I'm in the closet, 
in the back of my,

Painting pictures of you, 
on better days.
I'm sorry I left you alone, 
on rainy days.
I had to ruin your parade,
on better days.
I disappeared,
when you lost your way.
I gave you no breath,
when you ran away.
I never helped you up,
when you lost your way.

Remember me