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Sunday, March 25, 2018

The Reflection

When I am lost. 
When I am forgotten.
When did the time pass me by?
How long have I been old?
Time just seems to get more narrow,
while my mind is alive. 
I told stories of my youth, 
and the beginning of my life. 

This is my complete home.
This has become my life. 
By the time I'm old and worn. 
I'll be glad that I lived it right

I pass rows of roses.
I can hear there heart beats grow.
I like to be in my moms gardens,
where their lives are for show.
Been told about birds and the bees.
Where I know I've lived my life.
Where everything is so simple. 
Have a humble and plain wife

This is my complete home.
I lived my life so I don't have to roam.
By the time I'm old and worn.
I'll be glad I lived it right. 

I'm dancing to make me stronger,
on this twisted longing road. 
Sometimes I miss what I had,
but I only felt so alone and sad. 
I had the right complacencies,
but all I do is right. 
On the road to recovery,
how I want my life.

This is my complete home.
I get to have it without a fight. 
By the time I'm old and worn,
I'll be glad I lived it right. 

Remember me

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Listening For That Sweet Tune: Chapter XXX: Search Sympathy

Here is another dream sequence from Listening For That Sweet Tune in celebration for me finishing the novel. I am going to get it edited this year and optimistically we will see it on bookshelves this time next year. The following dream sequence is in between chapters 10 and 11.

I found myself in a field of grass. I was confused on how I got here but since everything in the past has started it was a typical situation that I would find and continue to find myself in. I looked around me to see that I was in a area of rolling hills and in the distance, trees that closed the area into a pasture. I felt as if I saw this place before or if I was meant to be here, but regardless of what was meant to be or all that has happened. I looked at myself and realized that I was in a stripped sweater and jeans but barefoot. The air was warm and I was half tempted to take off my sweatshirt but when I looked under the shirt, the sweatshirt was all I was wearing on my torso. Rolling up my sleeves I tried to figure out where I was. It was a midday sun and for miles I could see the pasture surrounded by trees. A screech came through the air like running nails on a chalkboard and I heard someone talk in the airwaves around me. 

“I need to, make a difference. From the waves in the grass, to the sway in the trees, I try, to remain unnoticed. To remain despondent. Now its nine o’clock” It was a voice I did not recognize but sounded as if it was Serenity but in a booming tone and with other voices speaking simultaneously. The sun moved across the horizon to setting upon sundown. The reds and yellows of the sun broke through the air and looked as if there were fires in the distance but as I smelled the air there was no smoke and it smelled fresh. “Only three hours, till its over. Grab hold to your lover. Search sympathy. Only three hours, then its over. Will you end it lover? Search sympathy.” I did not know what this “search sympathy” meant but I knew it did not mean well. A great ache shook through my heart and I knew that something bad was going to happen. The woman spoke again.

“Rushing. I feel it rushing. More than ecstasy. Ten c’clock.” Everything flashed and I was now indoors in a small cabin. I looked out the small window to see the sun had passed the horizon yet the horizon still looked as if it was on fire. I looked around the cabin to see knick knacks and a small chair next to a fireplace. Everything flashed again and I realized that I was covered in blood. My arms were out in front of me, palms up and I looked at all the blood. Blood covered every wall, and the floor, and the ceiling. I knew I had done a heinous act even though I could not place what it was. I turned around to see a small body on its stomach. I could tell it was a little girl but before I could say anything or take in a breath of astonishment, everything flashed by me again and I was looking out the window that had blood in the bottom left corner.

“We struggle, look out the window, the fields on fire. You feel distain?” I did. I did not know who was narrating every event that was happening but I knew more heart ache was to come. Looking out the window I could see a great fire that surrounded the cabin. The fire consumed the forest that enclosed the pasture and I waited for the narrator to tell me what to do.

“Run, grab all your things, then a flash of rain. Thunderous chorus.” Lightning split the sky in two and rain fell from the sky, followed by thunder. I looked behind me to see all the blood and I noticed that the roof was leaking. The rain poured down hard and it seemed to puddle up on the floor making the water with a tinge of red. The water began to flood through all the corners of the cabin and it was as if someone opened the flood gates. The water in the cabin was now at my ankles and I knew it was time to leave. Looking for the door I walked through the cabin and I could hear crunching underneath my feet. Still barefooted what turned into a minor inconvenience, began to ache through my toes and I could tell that what I was stepping on was glass. Luckily the water offered some sort of a buffer to not entirely destroy my feet but I knew I was on my way out so I quickened my pace. 

“Struggle, crying it out, wheres the promise? Eleven o’clock.” I looked up and saw the sun scorched moon through all the flames and knew if I was to get out alive, I had to move away from the woman. She was going to be the death of me and I would rather burn alive than to surrender myself to the machinations of the poor woman. Looking back she continued to move through the flames unhinged, and fully capable of harvesting the elements. She threw something like a punch through the air and a enormous fireball flew through her palms and over me to block my path. I could feel the flames kiss my skin and the heat was unbearable. I could feel my skin nearly melting off of my bones and I knew I was doomed. 

"Surrounded. Minutes to midnight. Like a rose, white,  but blood stained red.” I looked for a rose. Breathing in smoke I scanned the fire for anything that could have led me out of this situation and I saw it. There was a patch untouched by the fire just a few yards away from me, directly to my right. I looked back to the woman and she continued towards me. If looks could kill, I would be dead already. Looking for an opening towards the patch unburned and knowing that the woman was just a few yards away from me as well I jumped through the flames hoping that I would not be engulfed by the fire. As I jumped the flames quelled under my feet and I moved quickly to the patch.

“Run, hide what you bring, glass crush on your feet. Did you notice?” I opened the front door to see fire just outside surrounding the cabin. The water rushed out of the cabin and into the fire but instead of quelling the flames it acted as a accelerant. The flames rushed even closer to the cabin and I closed the door to prevent being consumed by the flames. I could see the flames come through the cracks of the decrepit wooden door but it did not set the door on fire. For now I was safe but as the water continued to fill up the cabin I could only wonder for how long. 

“Rustle, and thrash. Another crash.  Learn to scream, at the sky. Screaming, Will you yell?  Wake up hell? Learn to dream, of my eyes. Dreaming. of my eyes. Hollow eyes. We said goodbye, to the sky. At sundown, I first searched for sympathy.” The chorus echoed through the cabin and I could only wonder what it meant. As it got quiet I heard something walking through the water behind me and I turned around to see a woman, barely clothed, and her eyes were carved out from her face. She smiled at me and I knew I was doomed. Screaming, I ran over to the front door and opened it again. The fire had created a path across the pasture and it was either stay here with this mangled woman or to brave the flames. I knew if I stayed behind I would be dead within minutes but if I braved the flames, I could maybe live out a little while longer. Preparing to run out I began to head out of the cabin, but a large flame rushed in front of me. I stopped in my tracks not sure if I should jump through. I turned around to see the woman walking closer to me and I knew this was a place I did not want to be. Running through the flames and into the path that was laid before me I moved my sweater up past my neck and over my nose while using the other hand to hide my face from the flames. I looked behind me to see the woman walk slowly into the flames, and the flames itself swirled around the woman like some self fulfilling prophesy.

Approaching the patch and surrounded by flames I walked up to the area untouched by fire and saw a lone rose growing out of the ground. It was perfect. The rose looked white but as the heat grew around it, it began to bleed like my skin was by the overwhelming heat, but did not wilt. I heard a ticking in the distance and it grew louder as the seconds passed. I looked around me trying to figure out where it was coming from but I could not discern a area where it was coming from rather than all around me.  Looked back to see the woman now closer to me but still a throws distance away. I looked down to the rose and I was amazed how something so pure could be so lethal. Being careful I picked it from the ground and as it I took it from its wholesome ground I heard a ding as if a large clock had reached its peak hour. It was midnight.
“Where is my mistress? Lost in the deep, sleeping with the dead, walls are closing in. Where is my mistress Cutting through the deep. Riding with the souls, of the Flaming Locust.” I looked along the horizon of burned trees and foliage to see it turn into waves, but the fire still surrounded me. I was on a boat and from what I could tell the boats name was the “Flaming Locust”. “Rustle and thrash. Another crash. Learn to scream, at the sky. Screaming. Will you yell? Wake up hell? Learn to dream, of my eyes. Dreaming. Of my eyes. Hollow eyes. We said goodbye, to the sky.. At sundown, I first searched for sympathy.” The boat was in a enormous proportion and from what I could tell the entire boat was on fire. Something that no fisherman or boatman could ever want. Being engulfed by flames at sea. I looked around me to figure out where I was to go but the woman who was chasing me reached her point of arrival. 

“Ben Lamb, Ben Lamb, find your way to cure them.” The woman spoke but she spoke as if she was a child. It was Moony, but I did not know what any of this meant. She minced her way past the flames and into the area that where there was no flames she stood just a few inches from my face and smiled. “Look at what you have done.” Everything happened so quick. I felt a pain in my chest and I looked down to see that she shoved her hand into my chest and ripped out my heart. My still beating heart pulsed periodically through her fingers and she started to laugh. “Look at what you have done Ben. Look at what you have done."

Remember me

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Tension Drawing

Tension drawing. Medium was charcoal

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Paul Cornoyer Masterwork

Here is a reproduction from Paul Cornoyer with the Me twist. I think it turned out very well. The medium was graphite and charcoal

Remember me