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Tuesday, January 1, 2013

First and Last Secret I Swear

Chapter 2

First and Last Lie I Swear

I could say that my room is fairly clean. I never was one of those kids that left a mess of his room and expected my mom to clean up after me—I was a good kid. From where the elevator opened I was in a little hallway that stretched to another door. This was my front door and it is always locked. On the door hanged an old wooden tree that read 'Seasons Greetings!’ underneath it. It was spring now and it was way past due to take down but it seemed fitting, so I kept it there. 

From the doorway was a perfect view of the town; windows covered all the walls, which left little to no room for privacy, but this was the tallest building in town and I lived on the top floor, so I wasn't worried. Directly in front of you laid several couches and a large LCD television that stood on a mahogany stand. In the center of this was a Middle Eastern rug that I bought from a Israeli store from the nearby city. It was soft and vibrant in colour; it truly was a work of art. 

Art. In all shapes and forms I appreciated it to nearly every degree. Whether it is music or a painting, drawings or writing, it had a place in my life. I myself did everything. I tend to be so involved with everything I sometimes forget to even eat. My mother is an art dealer inside the city and my father was an editor for the regions newspaper. It was nice to get those luxuries because my mum is able to sell my paintings and drawings as my father posts all my poetry and short stories; I don't even need to have a regular job because of how successful this is. 

From where I was to my right directly around the corner was my bed and clothes while to my left, right around the corner, was the kitchen. Directly behind me on the other side of the elevator was the bathroom and shower, which formed as a wall to separate my room from the kitchen. On both sides of the bathroom were two sets of narrow staircases that went up to the roof—or as I call it, my patio. Up there was my garden. I grew various vegetables for me to eat to cut the costs on going to the grocery store. A table and several chairs overlooking the nearby cityscape sat near one of the edges and a nice grill sat near that to cook with, I mostly make my own food and it keeps me at peace. 

Turning the corner to the kitchen I walked up the stairs to reach a set of French doors to open to the patio. I sat at the table and chairs and closed my eyes to relax a little. Today was beautiful; the air might as well have smelt sweeter to me now on the count of my newfound beacon. I wasn't going to find a cure for myself, this I knew as a fact already. I may have felt a little sick but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. After a few minutes of listening to songbirds and passing traffic I heard my doorbell ring and I immediately got out of my chair to head to the front door. Along my path I heard the doorbell ring a few more times and I yelled towards the door saying that I was on my way. 

I opened the door to see a familiar sight, the hostess that I saw several minutes prior who caressed my fingers for the time being I let her. She had a big smile and her fine blonde hair was pulled back behind her to form some odd shaped hairball on the top of her head. 

'Here's your alcohol mister?' She ended the sentence for me to respond with my last name but I ignored the subtle hint. 

'Thank you miss. I appreciate it.' I responded and I attempted to shut the door but I was interrupted by more questions. 

'Its no problem really, if you need anything just tell me. You know, I haven't worked here for all that long but I hear that you have lived here for longer than anyone cares to remember and everyone tells me about how a nice man you are yet you are rarely seen with another human being, why is that? If you don't mind me asking.' I let out a slight sigh and motioned with my head for her to come in. She followed me back up to the roof as I returned to my previous position. She sat in a chair in front of me placing the bucket full of ice and two bottles of beer in the center of the table then placed her hands in her lap as she leaned toward me. 

'I was always this quiet child when I was young.' I responded. 'I never really understood why though. I had plenty of reasons to speak up but I never did because I felt that it wasn't important for me to be some center of attention. I hate that. I would rather be known as someone who has done many great things but in private so no one knows that it was me instead of taking the glory fir the things I do. I never enjoyed praise and I find it hard to accept.'

'Have you done anything that would get you noticed to the public?' The young woman asked. I nodded to her and she asked another question. 'Do you have a girlfriend?' The air around us grew uncomfortable to breathe in so I sat up and grabbed a beer. 

'You’re a little nosy for your own good, you know that right?' She looked down to her lap and seemed a little distraught in my answer. 'No I don't but I am not sure if I really want to either. I've been hurt and it’s a hard thing to get over. I don't think that relationships are for me.' She looked back up and something like hope shimmered and reflected back into my gaze. I knew what she was thinking but I wasn't sure if I wanted anything to do about it. Regardless, I had a phone number of a woman named Serenity and she was pure beauty—not saying the woman in front of me wasn't—which leaves me with a rather strange dilemma, what do I say to this woman? 

She started picking at her cuticles on her nails and grew more restless as the seconds passed while I was at a loss for words to say. Several times I tried to speak but no words formed out of my mouth every time. She looked at me with hope whenever I did this just to be crushed again with wordless speech. Should I give her some hope even though it might be false hope? I didn't want to be a liar but if it made everything better then what did I have to loose?

'Its not that you aren't pretty but you have come to me at a very strange place in my life. Lets be friends for the moment and if anything happens then let it but the thing is I don't even know you and you don't know me. There is another girl I’m seeing and I've known her longer than you have so she deserves a chance. I hope you understand.' She began to cry, which was expected but she was strong. She tried to fight the tears and pulled herself together rather nicely. 

'Can you keep a secret?' She asked me.

'Well sure but it depends on what it is about'

'When I was little I saw my father beat my mother. It wasn't just once but several times and I couldn't help but judge her for being so stupid on never leaving him but as the years passed I noticed that I was going through the same thing, I had an abusive boyfriend. I realized that even though he hit me I still loved him, which meant a whole hell of a lot than just living on my own. I still had hope that things would be better in the long run but things never cheered up till I found out that I was pregnant with his baby. I don't know what really happened in his mind but I feel that in the mind of an abuser is a child with new emotions. He couldn't help but not control himself and that gave him grave consequences. He wanted me to have the child but I knew that I wasn't ready and he was an emotionally shallow man so I had the abortion. I told him that it was a miscarriage because of the stress he was putting on my body and he finally realized that what he had to offer me was foolish. I lost two people that could have been very dear to me that day but I look back to it now and I realize that it was for the best. I was only seventeen and I had to make an example of life and death before he was going to be the death of me. I would have never wanted his baby but I still think it would have been nice from time to time. I am telling you this because that was my last relationship. I know how it feels to be crushed and it’s been four long years since I have felt ready again. I want to hear your story some day. Please remember that.'     

She told me things that would only mean she had to trust me the most out of anyone. I told her that it was something that I would work on and she accepted it rather nicely but I wasn't lying to her when I said I knew another woman longer. I did know Serenity longer even though it was just by a few hours but she didn't have to know that but I had other matters to attend to. She let herself out as I sat in thought trying to figure out my dilemma, it wont be the last I will see of her but for now I have a moment to breathe.

I fell asleep after an hour or so of thinking. I found myself on my lit up rooftop as the sky slowly faded to yellows, oranges and then black. I had Christmas lights lining the edges of the roof, which gave me more than enough light to see what’s around me. I shook my head a little to come back to the real world that stood before me and picked up the beer bottles I had on the floor around me. The city was faintly lit up by street lamps and a few neon signs and I determined that it was to late for me to give Serenity a call. 'First thing in the morning.' I said to myself. Tonight was the night to have my way with the town, I felt good and that was an odd feeling for me, might as well take advantage of it.

Chapter 4

Remember me

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