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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

You Always Seemed To Hate It

There you are you my renegade, with your neck of love.



You cant see what your feeling, of me, today.

You always seem to hate it now,


but everyones gone missing, stroke of dawn.


You always seem to hate it now,


Your so sick and tired of these things 'alive'.

Your so sick and tired of seeing all lies we hide.


Sticks and stones make matches, being struck against your bones


You set yourself much higher as if you were on fire.


You always seem to hate it now,


I truly thought that you were slightly whole.


You always seem to hate it now,


Your so sick and tired of these things 'alive'.

Your so sick and tired of seeing all lies we hide.



Swam away like you were drowning.



Pushing forward never turn your back


Though I was left behind you.


Well I don't really blame you.


You can change your mind,


but all I really have now is a face.


Floating in the ocean.


Your last breathe is what you lack.


Though I was left behind you.


Well I don't really blame you.


You can change your mind,


but all I really have now is a face.

but now I only have wished you stayed










Remember me


Monday, January 30, 2012

The Helping Hand That I Bit Out Of Spite




     “Do you feel like you have become a failure? Your actions defiantly say you feel that way.” I looked at his icy cold eyes—I couldn’t believe this was this was the man that I was supposed to spill my guts to.

     “I’m paid to listen, everything you say is in between you and me.” I laughed. “I have a feeling your not taking this serious enough, your parents are scared for you, I’m scared for you.” I just stared into his eyes as I was thinking about what to tell him.

     First of all I don’t have a family, they are either dead or dying, but that’s everyone in a nutshell isn’t it? A pessimistic view yes, but in all reality that’s what is happening. I never remembered meeting my mother’s brother due to him dying when I was at a very young age. Suicide due to the consequences of Russian roulette is what the authorities claimed—the family said otherwise. Her brother obtained more and more bad influences in his life throughout his years. Some people just aren’t good people; some people would kill their friends over disagreements. That’s what the family claimed. So his friend went to trial, convicted of the murder of Sean Alan Coleman. Long story short he still walks these streets and broke the hearts of what was left of a family. We failed to accuse that man of injustice and we failed to stay together. I blinked and then I just continued to stare at him.

     “Is it natural for you when you just stare someone down? To be honest it almost makes me feel threatened” I smiled then I finally spoke.
     

     “Its just how I look at someone, you do want to know I’m listening right?’

     “Yes.” He hesitated to say. “Its just not very common to see someone very intent to keep attention.” I continued to stare—why did I hate this man? He reminded me of my dad, did I hate my dad? My dad does have some characteristics that I absolutely hate but that doesn’t mean I hate the man? I guess I did.

     “Are you actually listening to me?” I shook out of my thought.

     “Sorry, I was just thinking.”

     “What were you thinking about?”

     “Family.”

     “Was it your mother? You seem to talk about her very much” That struck a nerve and I broke out crying, I don’t understand why I was doing this.

     “No, it wasn’t,” I said. He looked confused.

     “Do you feel like you have failed your mother? She has had the exact same problems as you are starting to experience and you have always said you wanted to be better in her eyes.”

     “This was unavoidable.” I said. “Why believe in god, or to take the drugs, or even love if I know I’m just going to be depressed and dead on the inside? I understand you are trying to get me to talk but I cant talk, I’m sorry but this isn’t going to work.” He looked down and started to look down and started writing into his notepad. I got frustrated, I have been told that I’ve had bipolar tendencies—I confused him, hell I confused myself; I had no idea what just happened.

     “You are, different. You’re smart, unbelievably. You excel in school, but only when you come. Which isn’t often enough, you’re a person that I would like to call a minimal effort maximum quality. People who are normally smart but lazy are like this, but it isn’t because you’re lazy. It’s because of the dark clouds that go over your body. Right?” I nodded. “I’m not a person to encourage taking medications, that’s why I am here, I am used as a alternative medicine.” I don’t want pills. Observing my mother all my life she has been living on pills—I don’t want that at all.

     “I don’t know where this is going, I asked if you write any of your feelings down and you said yes. Do you have any of your writings in that notebook you have there?” He pointed at the black college ruled notebook I had at my side.

     “Yes.” I went into my shell; I almost didn’t want him to read anything in the black cave that I owned—it was practically a diary to me. The black notebook was full of poetry and stories that I have written in the past talking about my upcoming condition and what I felt about life and death. How I viewed my family and god, how I saw the world and what I’ll do with my life. The first eighty pages were full of thoughts and feelings that I kept in the darkest reaches of my soul.

     “Can I see it?” I hesitated at first but eventually I knew I had to hand him the notebook. I lifted the book up and I felt the front cover, it felt no different from an ordinary notebook but it just felt different in a thoughtful way—like the way the bible is, but this wouldn’t amount to anything compared to the bible. I handed him the book and he gripped the book as if it was going to float away. He started to open to the first page and the he looked up.

     “Is there anything you wanted me to read in particular?” I nodded no and he nodded back and then he started reading the first thing he saw out loud. “If love is a gun then I have been shot, if bullets are hate then I have a lot. I started to zone off into another place. “I fall straight down and look at the sky, who even tried, and who has even cared?” Several months ago I began to feel more than I could take and I cracked—my compromised clarity became weakened but I was nonchalant. “Its like I’m seeing doubles, like I cannot stand. I’m like a blood donor the bloods not on my hands.” Why am I still here? Why did I stop? He tipped his glasses to the tip of his nose and he started to rub his eyes with his index finger and his thumb.

     “What are you thinking?” I asked.

     “Trying to figure out what all this means”

     “It means nothing, the purpose of it is now invalid, it doesn’t mean anything anymore.”

     “Why do you say that?”

     “It had emotion behind it, the emotion is now gone, it was a failed attempt to crawl out of a locked cage. It means nothing anymore.”

     “You are here due to a failed attempt against your own life. I think you are treating this whole scenario with less seriousness than you’re supposed to at this moment.” I winced and I began to prepare to snatch the book away from him.

     “I think.” I started to say. “That this isn’t necessary because I’m not willing to change at the moment, I feel that this is just a waste of my time.”

     “I hope that you will come back someday but until you have a desire to change I cant do anything for you.” I stood up and started to head out the door. I turned around to look at him and I started to cry again,

     “You know. I never did thank anyone for stopping me that day, I feel like I was cheated out of what I was going to do but everything does happen for a reason. Maybe I’m not a failure; maybe something is supposed to happen out of this. Only time can tell I guess.” I walked out the door and I never saw the man that was supposed to help me with all my instabilities ever again. Maybe for the better, but through the years the alternative medicine showed up on the palms of my hands and I became everything I had no desire to become.













Remember me


Sunday, January 29, 2012

Listening For That Sweet Tune-Chapter 13: Strange Terrain Pt. 2



STOP
Have you read the preceding chapters?
If not then read it from the beginning
or
Read the preceding chapter...



Go to the beginning:

Previously on Listening For That Sweet Tune:


Chapter 13: When Your On The Brink Of Insanity Pt. 1





So this is where I am now. I could say I'm in this big void of nothingness but that’s not the case. I'm still living, I am sure that there is blood pulsing through my veins, for now.

I reached into my pocket and I realized that I still had the little crescent moon that was previously lodged deep into my palm. I don't know what to believe anymore everything changes so frequently and there are to many odd things to simply think this is a sadistic wonderland—maybe that is exactly what it is.

Now where I am sitting at the moment is a unknown location. It is damp, it is dark, there are rocks and flowing water and then the best of all, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know for sure that I am in a cave—sit sounds, feels and looks like it. I don't think that I have to taste it to know for surety. So what am I to do? I guess the only thing that is possible and that is to head towards the light, so I did. I got up and started heading forward, hoping that the light at the end of the tunnel wasn't the afterlife. There was a sharp pain in my left leg just above the knee. It was so painful I ended up limping instead of walking my way out. Then more and more I headed forward, more I realized that this is going to seem to take forever—whenever you’re in pain it always seems like that. So slowly I proceeded.

I could hear ghostly aches and pains of rocks crumbling and falling into water behind me, this place was scary but compared to everything else I have gone through, this was a playground. I continued and I was for sure when I was looking towards the approaching light I could see a large body of water in the light. I was either by the ocean or a large lake, either way I had no idea where the hell I was. The entire time—since I was awakened—I have yet to see a body of water so I am now in a stranger’s territory. As I came closer I noticed a small speck in the ocean right where the cave I was in ended. It was motionless; the waves crashed up against the walls and was moving everything other than that thing. Soon I realized it was what I encountered earlier--To be honest I wasn't surprised but I sure got worried again. The pain in my leg got sharper and I wasn’t sure if I could continue.

I kept struggling more forward to see that black thing just waiting for me. I could feel it look at me, the eyes were just watching. Before I knew it I was pushed forward but with no movement. Like a book when you crinkle the pages. I went from point A to point B in less that a blink. I was in the light now but still in the cave, I couldn't see the sun either, it was either to the left or right of where I was but there was light. I sat down on a rock to look at my leg. A big piece of wood was lodged into my leg but before I was going to tend to it I looked up to see if the black figure was still there and it was. It was still several feet away from me to my left. It was standing right where the cave ends and the ocean begins. So I had a little ways to go before I was out of this hellhole but at least I was in the light, so I tended to my wounds.

It looked like a block of wood from a wall but snapped in half, worn out, and sharpened so it could fit properly into my leg. I put my left hand around the wound and tugged with my right hand to see if I could end it now—I couldn't. In pain from the tug I punched my right leg hoping to distract my pain with another. Took a deep breathe and with just a split second I reached towards my left leg and pulled as fast and hard as I could. Snapping and crunching followed afterword but it was almost out. In fact it already was but it was still attached to my leg so I studied it more. Looking at the tip of the object that offered my mass pain I saw that something like a string was looped and tied in a hole on the object and the string was still flowing through my leg. I looked at the string a little more and it was the same string that was clutched in Moony's cold dead hands just moments earlier. I felt the string to see if I could just cut it or something but it felt metallic—go figure.

Preparing for more pain, I started tugging hoping it would come out easily and it did. Little by little the string was leaving my body and I felt that strange pain from when you get a needle and string and you sew your body shut. I could only think of a mortician sewing the lips shut of a recently passed loved one. Feeling the little tickle and flowing pain under the skin when a string travels through your muscles. It isn't unbearable but it isn't comfortable either and then I felt it. On the other side of the string was an object lodged into my thigh.

It wasn't an object that would flow easily either. It was long but skinny. Felt like a razor blade trying to join the flow that goes through the body but on its way it only cuts everything it touches and makes everything painful to the victim. I wasn't going to call it quits now so I gave a big pull. It moved about a half a foot but I was able to hear every second of it. Muscles tore and I could hear every little piece of connecting flesh cracking and pulling apart. I swear the feeling of the pain felt like a sound in my head and the sound was painful in my mind. Like I was looking at it. I pulled one more and the foreign object flew out of the cavity in my leg and with all the tension it flew out of my hands and into the river that went out to the large body of water.

I freaked out for a second but then I remembered it was attached to the large piece of wood that was in my leg. So I looked to the right of me on the ground and there it was beside me. The current pushed the string along with the waves but the object on the edge should be attached and cleaned in a way of thinking. When everything was out of the water I found that the object on the end of the string was a key. The string was wrapped around it and put in my leg. This was way to perfect to have just happened when I was pushed away from my apartment so I knew who the culprit was, so I turned to look at him again. He was still where he was, hadn't moved an inch, it was like he was ok with everything, very calm and collected.

I focused on him more and it seemed like he shacked. I blinked a couple of times and looked at him again. He started to shake slowly, I was starting to think that the waves were starting to take over him but I then realized everything was shaking. I couldn't feel the ground move under me so this was weird and then I realized it was my perception. It was like my eyes more moving back and forth in random directions, I couldn't keep my balance so I dropped to me knees again.

Everything continued to move faster and faster and it seemed like everything was starting to blend together but as I was trying to look at the black figure I noticed he was the only thing not moving keeping his image in the center of my sight. Like before I didn't think this was going to stop so I did what I didn't do before. I started to get up and walk towards this thing that loves to play with my senses and as I got closer I noticed through all the darkness of the figure, he was smiling.




Next up in Listening For That Sweet Tune:

Chapter 14: A Dream House






















Remember me



When Your On The Brink Of Insanity Pt. 1 and Strange Terrain Pt. 2

Proceeded by:


More Than A Wall





                   Breathe...breathe...breathe. 



     I don’t remember much after I saw the tangled body of my little friend Moony, but I do remember something. After the shock of me finding the potential of me having the capability to kill, I know I bandaged my hand, grabbed a shirt or something--I don't know really what it is, its covered in blood now. Then I ran out of the apartment but it felt like something was pulling me back. When I was midway down the hall, I looked over my shoulder to see that strange black figure was behind me, just standing, starring through my soul. I made eye contact with it and I got this big sharp pain inside of my head and then I fell to my knees.

     I was yelling, screaming and then I put my hands over my ears hoping I could snuff the pain. A loud high-pitched scream came, louder, closer. I felt something wet on my hands so I put my hands in front of my face, they were covered in blood, I couldn’t stand what was happening I just thought in my head, 'no, no, no, no, no!’ I freaked out, I know you would. I rubbed the palms of my hands back and forth on my pants near my knees and legs. Blood, blood, blood, it never stops then the scream ended. Then everything was muffled. I then noticed the scream was still going, it was so quiet.

     A set of footsteps roared through the hallway. I could hear every little echo, every piece of dust getting smashed underneath this pair of feet that was louder than all mass being destroyed before my ears. It continued to get louder and louder, then it became even louder than the scream from before. I put my hands against my ears and my hands felt wet again. It got worse and worse through every slow step. A step roared and it felt like floodgates were opened in my head. The blood kept pushing and pushing, and then I felt it pushing through the little cracks through my fingers. I was going to die, I couldn't stand it. I took my hands off of my ears and I was ready to roll over and die I looked at the ground and started pulling my hair and the blood from my hands poured down my face and all over me. Then light that was shining on me was blocked, it was a shadow.

     A right index finger approached under my chin and pushed my head up to look at the present guest. I was that thing that started this. It looked human it was just covered in this flowing black. It was like the waves of the ocean flowing over and taking the form of a body. A pitch-black ocean. I looked up into his eyes and I could see his pupils but everything was black, so black. A distorted voice came out, quiet, serene and very slow. '7, 16, 6, 21, 14. Prepare for the end' At the split second he finished his sentence I felt a suction behind me, little at first and then I was pushed back midair. Everything several feet behind me was sucked into a spiral of darkness; it felt exactly what a black hole was described to be. I fell horizontally, then several feet in front of me was the other half of the hallway, blood, and that creature. I drifted more and more everything just got darker and then, nothing.


     So this is where I am now. I could say I'm in this big void of nothingness but that’s not the case. I'm still living, I am sure that there is blood pulsing through my veins, for now. I reached into my pocket and I realized that I still had the little crescent moon that was previously lodged deep into my palm. I don't know what to believe anymore everything changes so frequently and there are to many odd things to simply think this is a sadistic wonderland--maybe that is exactly what it is.

     Now where I am sitting at the moment is a unknown location. It is damp, it is dark, there are rocks and flowing water and then the best of all, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know for sure that I am in a cave--it sounds, feels and looks like it. I don't think that I have to taste it to know for surety. So what am I to do? I guess the only thing that is possible and that is to head towards the light, so I did. I got up and started heading forward, hoping that the light at the end of the tunnel wasn't the afterlife. There was a sharp pain in my left leg just above the knee. It was so painful I ended up limping instead of walking my way out. Then more and more I headed forward, more I realized that this is going to seem to take forever--Whenever you’re in pain it always seems like that. So slowly I proceeded.

     I could hear ghostly aches and pains of rocks crumbling and falling into water behind me, this place was scary but compared to everything else I have gone through, this was a playground. I continued and I was for sure when I was looking towards the approaching light I could see a large body of water in the light. I was either by the ocean or a large lake, either way I had no idea where the hell I was. The entire time--since I was awakened--I have yet to see a body of water so I am now in a stranger’s territory. As I came closer I noticed a small speck in the ocean right where the cave I was in ended. It was motionless; the waves crashed up against the walls and were moving everything other than that thing. Soon I realized it was what I encountered earlier--To be honest I wasn't surprised but I sure got worried again. The pain in my leg got sharper and I wasn’t sure if I could continue.

     I kept struggling more forward to see that black thing just waiting for me. I could feel it look at me, the eyes were just watching. Before I knew it I was pushed forward but with no movement. Like a book when you crinkle the pages. I went from point A to point B in less that a blink. I was in the light now but still in the cave, I couldn't see the sun either, it was either to the left or right of where I was but there was light. I sat down on a rock to look at my leg. A big piece of wood was lodged into my leg but before I was going to tend to it I looked up to see if the black figure was still there and it was. It was still several feet away from me to my left. It was standing right where the cave ends and the ocean begin. So I had a little ways to go before I was out of this hellhole but at least I was in the light, so I tended to my wounds.

     It looked like a block of wood from a wall but snapped in half, worn out, and sharpened so it could fit properly into my leg. I put my left hand around the wound and tugged with my right hand to see if I could end it now--I couldn't. In pain from the tug I punched my right leg hoping to distract my pain with another. Took a deep breathe and with just a split second I reached towards my left leg and pulled as fast and hard as I could. Snapping and crunching followed afterword but it was almost out. In fact it already was but it was still attached to my leg so I studied it more. Looking at the tip of the object that offered my mass pain I saw that something like a string was looped and tied in a hole on the object and the string was still flowing through my leg. I looked at the string a little more and it was the same string that was clutched in Moony's cold dead hands just moments earlier. I felt the string to see if I could just cut it or something but it felt metallic--go figure.

     Preparing for more pain, I started tugging hoping it would come out easily and it did. Little by little the string was leaving my body and I felt that strange pain from when you get a needle and string and you sew your body shut. I could only think of a mortician sewing the lips shut of a recently passed loved one. Feeling the little tickle and flowing pain under the skin when a string travels through your muscles. It isn't unbearable but it isn't comfortable either and then I felt it. On the other side of the string was an object lodged into my thigh. It wasn't an object that would flow easily either.

     It was long but skinny. Felt like a razor blade trying to join the flow that goes through the body but on its way it only cuts everything it touches and makes everything painful to the victim. I wasn't going to call it quits now so I gave a big pull. It moved about a half a foot but I was able to hear every second of it. Muscles tore and I could hear every little piece of connecting flesh cracking and pulling apart. I swear the feeling of the pain felt like a sound in my head and the sound was painful in my mind. Like I was looking at it. I pulled one more and the foreign object flew out of the cavity in my leg and with all the tension it flew out of my hands and into the river that went out to the large body of water.

     I freaked out for a second but then I remembered it was attached to the large piece of wood that was in my leg. So I looked to the right of me on the ground and there it was beside me. The current pushed the string along with the waves but the object on the edge should be attached and cleaned in a way of thinking. When everything was out of the water I found that the object on the end of the string was a key. The string was wrapped around it and put in my leg. This was way to perfect to have just happened when I was pushed away from my apartment so I knew who the culprit was, so I turned to look at him again. He was still where he was, hadn't moved an inch, it was like he was ok with everything, very calm and collected. I focused on him more and it seemed like he shacked. I blinked a couple of times and looked at him again.

     He started to shake slowly, I was starting to think that the waves were starting to take over him but I then realized everything was shaking. I couldn't feel the ground move under me so this was weird and then I realized it was my perception. It was like my eyes more moving back and forth in random directions, I couldn't keep my balance so I dropped to me knees again. Everything continued to move faster and faster and it seemed like everything was starting to blend together but as I was trying to look at the black figure I noticed he was the only thing not moving keeping his image in the center of my sight. Like before I didn't think this was going to stop so I did what I didn't do before. I started to get up and walk towards this thing that loves to play with my senses and as I got closer I noticed through all the darkness of the figure, he was smiling.





Next up in Listening For That Sweet Tune:














Remember me


Listening For That Sweet Tune-Chapter 13: When Your On The Brink Of Insanity Pt. 1

 


STOP
Have you read the preceding chapters?
If not then read it from the beginning
or
Read the preceding chapter...



Go to the beginning:





Previously on Listening For That Sweet Tune:




Chapter 12: More Than A Wall







      Breathe...breathe...breathe. 

I don’t remember much after I saw the tangled body of my little friend Moony, but I do remember something. After the shock of me finding the potential of me having the capability to kill, I know I bandaged my hand, grabbed a shirt or something—I don't know really what it is, its covered in blood now. Then I ran out of the apartment but it felt like something was pulling me back. When I was midway down the hall, I looked over my shoulder to see that strange black figure was behind me, just standing, starring through my soul. I made eye contact with it and I got this big sharp pain inside of my head and then I fell to my knees. 

I was yelling, screaming and then I put my hands over my ears hoping I could snuff the pain. A loud high-pitched scream came, louder, closer. I felt something wet on my hands so I put my hands in front of my face, they were covered in blood, I couldn’t stand what was happening I just thought in my head, 'no, no, no, no, no!’ I freaked out—I know you would. I rubbed the palms of my hands back and forth on my pants near my knees and legs. Blood, blood, blood, it never stops and then the scream ended. Then everything was muffled. I then noticed the scream was still going—it was so quiet.   

A set of footsteps roared through the hallway. I could hear every little echo, every piece of dust getting smashed underneath this pair of feet that was louder than all mass being destroyed before my ears. It continued to get louder and louder, then it became even louder than the scream from before. I put my hands against my ears and my hands felt wet again. It got worse and worse through every slow step. A step roared and it felt like floodgates were opened in my head. The blood kept pushing and pushing, and then I felt it pushing through the little cracks through my fingers. I was going to die, I couldn't stand it. I took my hands off of my ears and I was ready to roll over and die I looked at the ground and started pulling my hair and the blood from my hands poured down my face and all over me. Then light that was shining on me was blocked, it was a shadow.

A right index finger approached under my chin and pushed my head up to look at the present guest. I was that thing that started this. It looked human it was just covered in this flowing black. It was like the waves of the ocean flowing over and taking the form of a body. A pitch-black ocean. I looked up into his eyes and I could see his pupils but everything was black, so black. A distorted voice came out, quiet, serene and very slow. '7, 16, 6, 21, 14. Prepare for the end.' At the split second he finished his sentence I felt a suction behind me, little at first and then I was pushed back midair. Everything several feet behind me was sucked into a spiral of darkness; it felt exactly what a black hole was described to be. I fell horizontally, then several feet in front of me was the other half of the hallway, blood, and that creature. I drifted more and more everything just got darker and then, nothing.





Next up in Listening For That Sweet Tune




Chapter 13: Strange Terrain Pt.2
























Remember me


Friday, January 27, 2012

What Makes A Man




     Well. Im going to tell you right now that I am confused with my own stories and till now I have arranged it all inside my head. Its now becoming almost impossible to manage so I am now trying to arrange it on paper. I am sure you have noticed that I have only released a few parts of my stories this month when I originally did a few each week. That will continue just a bit longer till I have everything organized so I know I can continue writing making it sound the best I can. There are so many elements in every story that intertwine with others and its getting difficult to see the end myself, I guess if its complicated to the writer, its really complicated for the readers. 

     I guarantee that everything will become clear when everything is finally released. Im sure it wont be soon but it will be someday down the road. Im going to have a friend help me organize everything and I will release them more often but things need to get organized first. Till then no more technicality.


Cut me into pieces and put them all together again.
There is nothing I've been able to hide from you.
You will always see whats deep inside of me.
Cut deep down to see all my lies.
I know you can do it.
All you need to do is try.
You can find out what makes me a man.
It will be nothing. I will never be or can.
I remember when you said that.
I will always have that inside of me.
I can only wonder if you were right.









Remember me


Thursday, January 26, 2012

We Are All Monsters To The End.






I should have listened from the start.



It has happened before.


We pray on self destruction.


and leave the bodies to rot.


So I made you cry.


I told you not to love me anyway.


I think I fell for you.


When we split our ways


So I made you scream.


With utter provocation


Felt like you insulted me.


When there was a deceiver.


So I may have lied,


kissed you goodnight.


I slept in another room,


when you rested your head.


Then I created my scars,

while you were away.


Its like you fucked me,


in so many ways.


But I always saw those lies,

I just wished for a new sunrise.


Its been done before and will again,


but we are all monsters to the end.


I need this to end.


You may also have ended me.


I believed in all the little things.


I still couldn't sleep


So I made you love.


I told you not to anyway.


You cared for me so much.


I wasn't the only one.


So now I am gutting her.


I've bled so much.

Then I started killing her.


no one will help me up.


So I may have lied,


kissed you goodnight.


I slept in another room,


when you rested your head.


Then I created my scars,

while you were away.


Its like you fucked me,


in so many ways.


But I always saw those lies,

I just wished for a new sunrise.


Its been done before and will again,


but we are all monsters to the end.














Remember me







Tuesday, January 24, 2012

They Were Only Happy (I Could Not Understand)





I looked out my window today.
I saw all the children play.
I could not understand.

I looked out my window next day.
Gas suits and airplanes.
I could not understand,
the ground was burning.
the ground was burning.

The kids were all forced to the ground.
Yelling and screaming out loud.
To the burning dirt.

One ran away from police.
They shot him, fell to his knees.
I could not understand.

They were only happy.
They were only happy.
They were only happy.
They were only happy.

The children wanted the same fate.
I cried and then looked away.
I could not understand

There were shots that calmed them all.
Like peace through a desperate fall.
I could not understand
They were only happy.
They were only happy.
They were only happy.
They were only happy.

The children were all angels,
lying by a concrete wall.
If we are all human,
deaths from a black hand.
I cried myself to sleep the next day.
the bodies were moved all away.
I saw a grave of flowers.
I swear I could hear them sing.

I looked out my window today.
The children played round the graves.
I could not understand.
So I went out and stayed.
As the children played.
They were only happy.
They were only happy.
They were only happy.
So was I.








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Sunday, January 22, 2012

The Child: Entry 11


STOP
Have you read the preceding chapters?
If not then read it from the beginning
or
Read the preceding chapter...



The Beginning:


Previously on The Child:




     Before the door opened I heard a little stumbling on the other side. This made me think more and more that I was going to see this old hag of a woman. Dirty, grey hair, torn and filthy clothes but when she opened the door Anastasius was right it was a very young pretty woman. She was defiantly just a little bit older than me she smiled at me and my heart melted. She was beautiful she said that Anastasius usually shows all the new members to her because she normally doesn't leave the house so I was more or less already expected. She told me to come in and follow her and I did.

     Her house was in the cleanest shape I have ever seen. Like she had her own set of housemaids. Upon entering I followed her slightly towards the left because directly in front of the door was a large set of stairs. We entered her laundry room and she told me to sit down as she continued forward into another room, which looked like the kitchen. I looked around and I could see several bunches of flowers everywhere, little knickknacks and black and white pictures all scattered everywhere in the room. One thing that caught my eye was a particular picture. It looked almost exactly as the one that I saw in Suzie's motel.

A woman standing by an old man in front of a rather large building. Except instead of Suzie helping the old man it was the woman with me now. She looked just like she did right now as if she hasn't aged a day, I felt very creeped out and the 'Mother' walked back into the room with a couple of tea cups and pieces of sugar. She asked me if I wanted one in a rather sweet tone like she was the happiest housewife in the whole world. I couldn't resist with that smile and then she started to say more than just a few words.

     'So, you are the newest addition to my family. I'm glad to see that you agree with our ways, or do you even know them yet?' I responded with a no and she continued.

'Well we are a collectivity of people that are willing to call each other a family. I'm sure you have found this out before. Some people say we may have a dark agenda but I don't think so. I am the current head mistress of the family. Before me it was Suzie, which I'm sure you have seen before along with her second hand man Frank. I wouldn't doubt you haven't seen her ghost of a husband though; he is such a weird man.

Suzie has become more of a recruiter these days, she found a few people but not to many, but our family is still perfect. We follow a dream, not metaphorically but an actual dream. Have you seen this prophetical dream?' I still didn't know what this dream is so I said no, but I was intrigued to see what it was. She smiled and stood up and told me to lay down on the couch I was already on.

She started to mumble something and then she told me to close my eyes. This almost felt like a hypnotization that I have seen several times in the town I grew up, but I never truly had it happen to me. I tried to figure out what she was saying and by the time I thought I understood a word, everything turned black

     I envisioned a dark alley and it was like I was looking down on myself, then I hear a man scream. I get scared but instead of running away I run to see what was the noise. Upon turning the corner, everything I could see turned into blood and it got progressively darker till it turned black. Then a meadow showed before me. It looked a lot like the meadows that were outside, it was very tranquil. Then I saw a flash behind me so I turned around. In the distance I saw a burning tree far away, then everything caught fire and fire burned down the whole meadow. Then it felt like I was underwater, then everything turned blue.

     I was now caught by a wave being pushed underwater and I tried to get to the surface to the surface, It seemed like I passed out due to the lack of oxygen and then I jumped up from lying down to see my on top of a ship I heard someone speaking but it was so slow I couldn't make sense out of it I turned around and I saw a man all roughed up by dirt and oil in front of me pointing a gun at a woman who was tied from head to toe in a fetal position crying. I wish I could do something but my body wont move and before I knew it I heard a bang, though it was somewhat muted because I could still here the waves and the rain pouring down on my head more. 

     The young woman fell to the ground, and lies in her own puddle of blood. The man bent over and put his finger in her blood and put his finger in his mouth nodding as if he approved, then he started to walk towards me. The man crouches to see me at my level and he watched my every move, or lack thereof. He looked directly into my eyes and I look around to see everything on the boat turns rusty and worn. I looked at the man again and he was maintaining eye contact like he didn't even care to see what was happening. 

     

I heard a bone chilling scream that only could make me even more scared and then I started to see everything rip off the ship and drift upwards to the sky the man smacked my face to get my attention again. He had a look in his eyes like a mad man then he started to speak ‘She would be proud, 7, 16, 6, 21, 14’. He pushes me back onto my back he took out his gun and I felt a rather harsh pain hit the center of my chest. Then a voice in my head says 'Nothing will be perfect, but at the very same time when blood flows out of the internal body, it couldn't have been a more perfect timing.' I feel myself start to shake like it was having a seizure and then I woke back up on the couch with 'Mother' still standing over me. 

     

She said that in order to complete the dream and make everything right again I had to tell her my name then asked what my name was and I replied 'My name is Emery Delacroix.'. She jumped back as if she was shocked and yelled at me but in the tone of a whisper, 'you don't say that name around here that name has too much history.'. I replied what my name was, Emery. She yelled back as if I was stupid.

'No! Your last name boy that is a name full of a defiling nature. There’s a box that we carry, it was named after its first victim of the family it is known as the Delacroix’s Cube! We are yet to understand it and here you come telling me your last name is the same last name. This is wrong! We locked it away inside the bunker to keep it away from everyone and how can you have the same last name? This has to be more than just a coincidence, you are something boy, I need to council with the other figureheads. That name is filthy, you better be careful boy, your treading on shallow waters.'

   

I was confused—of course—I could have sworn I saw that so I mentioned I'm pretty sure I saw the thing she was describing in my room just a few minutes ago, she became even more shocked than before and charged through the orchid towards the other cottage. I had to run in order to keep up with her. She stumbled in the cottage and I could only guess she was going to head towards the room I lived in. When I reached the doorway I looked forward through the living room to see everyone in my room. They already became aware of what was in the room and they were just staring at it as if it was holding them into motion. 

     The Mother pushed her way through everyone and I heard her scream. She began yelling to take me away, that I was an agent of another order and I will be punished for taking a harmful object back into their humble home. I was dragged back downstairs and thrown back into the cell that I was in not to long ago. I sat there on the ground as they locked the doors behind me and I did the only thing I could do, sleep.

Next entry in The Child:












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