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Sunday, July 29, 2012

The Way I Like it

Save me from the end. 
I can like it.
Little toys made of sin.
Poking the back of my,
neck twists and turns.
I can like it.
Innocent boys and murderers. 

Suspend this,
and all the dusty shelves.
I can like it,
Another day and a pendulum chord.
It sways to this day

And go and wait for the sun.
I can't wait for the world.
Sick stains cover my feral tongue.

Hold this little symphony,
I can hear you in the breeze.
Ten feet and dirt covers my knees.
I can like this.

I'll cut my limbs,
I'm doing all this for you.
Do you like it?
I dream of days that are old,
all because of you.
Are something that is right,
the way I like it.

I can fill all the coffins,
then cover my scars.
I can like it.
This is all for you,
and all the infected sores.

You cant tell me, 
that this is wrong.
I know you like it.
I always wanted, 
everything better for you.
The thought stays to this day

And go and wait for the sun.
I can't wait for the world.
Sick stains cover my feral tongue.

Hold this little symphony,
I can hear you in the breeze.
Ten feet and dirt covers my knees.
I can like this.

Remember me

Saturday, July 28, 2012

A Poets Psychopathy

I've been having a new set of dreams recently. They still contain this woman in black and blue that I see so often in my life but something is different now. No longer is she the same woman that I have seen for countless years. She molded how I saw things and yet it is only a delusion that my brain has created to deal with my loss and my anguish. If you mold yourself after a thing or even a person, what would happen when you witness that thing to change? Would it take you down with it? She has offered me hope to better and as she changes slowly into something more grotesque and define I can only follow in her footsteps.

 Its nothing that is hardly noticed like a slight change in facial structure in fact, it is the very opposite. I look at this woman and everything that has changed is now what I see in her. I've lived so long to finally be with this woman in black and blue but if my dreams keep treating this like some little puppet, I guess it would be impossible. So many times I have looked towards her for understanding and even with this great shadow that has fallen upon my heart she still seems to amaze me.

Imagine, will you, a person—torn in body and mind, having clothes just enough to cover the skin to a minimum and a look of someone who has been starving for months and has only had the chance to eat a few pill bugs—curled up into a corner shaking, screaming, thrashing at their own skin and what do you feel? An average person—or better to say a "human being"—would say that they would feel sorry for them. Wishing that they could help but I can only feel good about this thought, like it is normal, like it is apart of my everyday life. I feel like I sold my soul to the devil, I feel nothing through the others pain. I find myself to keep staring and examining what was happening rather then trying to help those in need. I would watch to see if they would tear themselves apart and when they are on the side of their deathbed I would continue to wait, just to see if they would follow through.

Call me disturbing but I find this very thing greatly interesting. People examine others to see if they would return lost items or help someone out but I have never seen any studies that involve highly negative consequences. Events that could determine someone’s very existence, playing god as it seems fit to mere mortals, why is this? Because if you partake in this sadistic practice then you are inhumane. Am I inhumane? I don't know anymore. I seem to find myself conforming with everyday life more as the days pass just so I can seem 'normal' but am I doing this intentionally or is it just a reflex? I catch myself from time to time staring at someone’s aguish but as soon as I snap back into reality I act but I can only wonder if I never snapped out of this psychosis that I deal with. It’s interesting to watch those who inflict pain on themselves. Watching to see if they are doing it so they can gain others attention or they just don't care about themselves and those are the ones I look for. They act as if they are a time bomb decaying and when it degrades enough it would finally force itself to explode. Everything can have an opportunity to act like this, especially human beings. 

It’s interesting to watch a person’s life fall down around them. They get desperate and they do whatever they can but same as the ones who inflict pain on themselves, they don't do anything about it. They don't fear the maker or anything that could interfere with their lives and I find that those people can become the most successful in life. They make those jumps because they have nothing to loose and every so often someone finally rises to the top and how do people treat him you may ask?

People say that he was poor at one time and he pushed all he could to see himself making a better life but I don't see this to be so. Everybody is looking for self gain and not even you the reader can deny that. You look at something or someone asks something of you and all you can think is 'what will I get out of this?' Maybe its the people who have already accepted this become the great ones. The ones who are willing to get their hands dirty for the morals that they seem to forget about in the back of their head. 

This woman that I see now has changed into a new kind of breed. Something that I never really thought that could exist. A kind that looks at their own misfortunes and they take advantage of other peoples mortality. She carved out her eyes; every last piece that could be left inside of her was torn out to leave two bloody holes within her face. She was now blind but she remained to live and indulged in her sacrifice. Blood trickled down her rosy cheeks and onto the floor but whenever I looked at her she stood there, smiling, enjoying what it was. Her simple, dainty, dark blue dress is all that she had on her shoulders, bright red lipstick on her lips, small black high heels, long dark hair that surpasses her shoulders and hands that are crossed along her waist. 

I fall in love with her misfortunes. I look at the blood on her cheeks and I feel good. Eyes have always been a key feature that I look for in a woman but even with a woman who has none to her name I still see beauty within her. She walks in and out of my dreams, waving her finger at me for me to take her home. That view of a simple tortured soul makes my heart beat. Scars tell stories, disfiguration tells more. It makes you who you are and I find that beautiful, self-inflicted or not. It tells me that you have emotion, that you are human yourself, you feel pain and you still look for love and what is so inhumane about that? It’s the people who pull through that will become amazing, the ones who destroyed their lives just to see what would happen. The ones who kill themselves. They understand life as it is, no matter how depressing it is and that makes me feel good.  

Remember me

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Inspired by True Events

Follow the history,
see what is happening.
What’s happening to me?
I’m not in those books.
I try to loose control,
so I can be with this.
Turn your heads to the sea.
I’m sinking this ship.
You can’t turn this station off,
I am everywhere.
Can’t get rid of me,
I consumed the TV.

I won’t go, give it up, 
your rose, wilts the whole,
world, and nations fall. 

Why am I so hard to touch
my skin is burning
I try hard to believe,
in me and this fake family.
Named after this disastrous,
events so small.
Something is happening to me,
feels kind of pendulous.
Get off the back of me
You cant be me right now

I won’t go, give it up, 
your rose, wilts the whole,
world, and nations fall.

I tear, pages, 
so give it up, your rose.
Blood, craved by nations,
makes the world whole.

Remember me

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Lovers, In Chains

Lovers, in chains.
All of us claim,
It wasn't me.
It's hard to go,
out of the city

Go! Just go.
Flee away from me.
You need to hide,
our lovers,
in the dark
covered in chains.

Stop. Stop the noise.
Stop this crying out.

Hate us!
Hate us for,
all we've done.
We're sitting,
on the porch right now.

Stab me.
So we both,
can feel it,
inside of me.

It's so cold outside,
to take all my heat.
To take all my fears.
So stop, stop the noise.
Stop this crying out.
So stop.
Stop the cries from lonely boys.
Stop the endless days.
Just stop,
women waiting for boys to play.

Killers! They break, into my home.
They stripped off my clothes.
Left me all alone.

Lovers, in chains.
They saw the best of it,
through their filthy eyes.
Just go away from me,
you forgot what it's like inside.

Stop. Stop the noise.
Stop this crying out.
Stop it.
Stop the cries from lonely boys.
Just stop,
wanting more just craving more.

Remember me

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

If Only If Only (A Predetermined Factor)

They say there’s a dove,
it brings the light from the sun,
it can heal the savagest of wounds.
It gives you its light and a perilous flight.
You do what you can and see what you do,
you now have a heart.

If only if only, the stars of the night,
you could fly like an eagle, just at first sight.
If only if only, you could see,
that the day you were born, you were meant for me.
So I faltered and cried to see this come true.
'You're here for me and I for you.'
A laugh and chuckle, 'That isn't real life.'
'If you gave me a chance you would be my wife.'
it was months from that day,
since she did pass.
I could only wonder if I acted more fast.
If love was predetermined then so was this.
I just wish for another day with my sweet miss.

I now walk these streets with none on my side,
no one will see and no one will fight.
I see those who live predetermined,
so where was I when it was brought to me?
I met a girl and she was lost and behind,
she had a beautiful body,
and a more beautiful mind.
She told me her name,
it sounded so sweet.
She took me to her house,
for something to eat.
She was a mother of one maybe two,
'It hurts to see men walk out on you.
I said no more and I swear I did,
but when I saw you I forgot what I said.'  

Remember me

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Listening For That Sweet Tune-Chapter 10: The End Of Days Pt. 3

Have you read the preceding chapters?
If not then read it from the beginning
Read the preceding chapter...

Go to the beginning:

Previously on Listening For That Sweet Tune:

The room that I walked into looked just like the tower when I first entered it—everything was white and green again. From where I was standing the room continued forward for a fairly long length and ended at a glass pane in which you could tell that where I was, was fairly high. The hall I was looking down was about ten feet wide. Large columns continued the entire length of the hall on both sides but looking around the columns you could see another hallway that looks just like the one I was looking down. This could have went on forever but I saw some movement in the corner of my eye to distract my curiosity. It was further down the hall near the window moving between the columns; I took a few steps in towards the window.   

There was bloody footprints on the ground again but now there was only one set of them. They led directly in front of me up to the window that ended the hall I was in. They did not stray, they were not smeared, they were perfect in every way imaginable—it looked almost to perfect. I continued even with the undeniable fact that drew chills down my spine—the hall brought memories to my mind. Silent voices echoed through the hall though they were not legible. I grew still, listening, waiting, I was amoungst other people but I could not figure where.

I stood in my footsteps while closing my eyes, it felt that everything within the surrounding areas around me changed and wisped away to show me a skeleton of a new place. I thought of a church within my head and as the voices continued to echo, everything began to grow familiar to my mind. It appeared to me that I was sitting on an old wooden bench, leaning forward and a book between my two hands. I’ve never really thought about religion in the past but at this moment I appeared to be praying to some high and mighty being. I heard a little child talking to a younger woman, when I peeked for a second I saw that they were to my right looking at a statue of some kind. I felt eyes on me so I grew back to my previous position. The little child began to talk;

'But I don't understand, what is it that you are telling me to do?' The young woman responded.

'You need to surrender yourself. Give yourself to others and work as a mold in the mighty's hands.'

'I feel just fine as I am—'

'Listen to me! You want to be saved?' there was silence; I could only expect that the boy nodded. 'Then you need to give yourself to the greater good. Believe. Nothing bad can happen out of this. I love you and everyone else here does to. Be strong.' I heard the two of them walk away and I straightened out my back, sat up, then looked back to my right.

The room was enormous but dark. From where I was previously I didn’t even move an inch, I was just sitting now. Two rows of benches sat between the columns leaving ample enough space between each object. Some of the columns now were statues, all of them looked different but the one to my right struck a fairly foliage look within my mind. It was some black stone spire that I had seen several times previously. The black vines still continued to float out of it like times previously but they were also made out of stone—this was just a replica.

I looked around me to see several other visitors praying or even meditating as well. I took a few deep breaths and stood up to approach the spire to look at it in more depth. It sat up on a square pedestal that raised it about a few feet from the ground. Looking closer at it I noticed that there were many engravings carved into it though none looked familiar to me. A little piece of paper sat on the pedestal in front of the spire; I had to get closer in order to read it.

'If one truly wishes to become limitless, wear the mask of death. For centuries the Coram Morte has adopted this motto. Through this they have become something different and a powerful set of people.'

I looked back up to the spire perplexed about what all this could have meant.

'Thank you for joining the service brothers!' Yelled a man from what I could figure to be a clergy member.

'There is a young member we have that is willing to make his final step to the end! Such a rare sight to see that lies within a young man.' I turned to my left to see that the man was on top of a rather large podium that sat in front of the window that viewed down to the vacant city that I have settled in. Everyone around me began to raise their heads and drew their attention to the clergy member. He was rather old with several wrinkles all over his face but it seemed that he held his age very well. Even though he was lacking a head of hair, there was a youthly feel in his person. He stood in long back and red robes that covered all of his body and several objects hung from his neck; he waved to someone off stage, 'Come over here young man.' The small boy that was talking next to me not to long ago appeared on the stage and stood in front of the man. He put his hands on the shoulders of him and began to speak. 

'What a glorious day to become whole and glow in the eyes of others!' He lowered his head to the ear of the boy and he nodded seconds later. Behind the clergy member and in front of the window was a large stone slab, the boy began to lie on it and a twist started in my stomach. As the clergy member walked to the other side of the slab so he could face the audience, the audience then stood up and watched intently. 

The man reached into his robes to take out a large porcelain mask that was hanging from his neck and placed it on his face. The boy looked fearless, he knew what was going to happen to him but with the facial expression on his face, he looked like he was ready for anything. A knife rose above the young man and all of my speculations were coming true--they were going to kill this boy in the name of some kind of greater good. I sprung away from the statue I was standing next to and began to run towards the boy. 

I turned through the benches to put myself through the middle aisle and I ran forward as fast as I could yell for this to stop. I felt eyes looking at me from every direction but no one turned their heads towards me like I wasn't there at all. Everything played slowly; if felt as if something was holding me back because before I was able to make a dozen steps, the action was already performed. The boy began chocking on his own blood and the knife was raised into the air again throwing blood into the audience and the window behind him.

The man continued again and again as I continued to push myself forward. Everything was done; there was nothing I could do. The man raised his knife one more time but then everything froze around me. I looked down to the boy to see his bodily cavity ripped wide open but coming out was a glow—a black glow. It acted as if it was natural light but it was far from it. Along with the dark glow I saw the black vines again—they were suspended in animation as well as everything else. It crawled out and on top of his skin and into the air like it was a tree. I fell to my knees in front of him crying and confused; nothing could be explained to me but I guess I could accept that now. I heard someone call my name and I looked around to see who it was but nothing could be seen that wasn't there before. More whispers came out and I recognized that it was Serenity's voice.

'Open your eyes Ben, we need to talk.' I looked around again but I couldn't see her. She then whispered in my ear, I could tell she was in front of me but I couldn't see anything. 'Open your eyes Ben.' I don't know what happened but I opened my eyes to see me sitting in front of the window of the vacant hallways. Serenity was now walking away from me to stand directly in front and to look out of the window. She was wearing a small white dress that fit around her body perfectly but as I looked down to her feet, blood trickled down her legs and onto the floor. I looked behind me to see that this was the same blood trail I was following before. The dancing couple twisted and turned in-between the pillars and hallways—they were happy.

'Ben. I never thought it would come this way. We've known each other for so long and I'm sorry to say this but you have to leave. Live your own life without me, it has to happen Ben. Get out Ben. GET OUT!' She then turned around to face me and I was shocked. Various cuts up and down her cheeks, her arms, her chest and even her legs. I rushed back up to my feet to walk closer to her.

'What’s going on Serenity? Where are we, what's happening?'

'This isn't real Ben! Life as we know it is becoming more of an illusion everyday and it's all my fault!'

'Serenity, tell me what is—' she interrupted me.
'I shouldn't even be allowed to think like this! If only you knew Ben! All the hell I have been through. All of these images popping into my sight and making me dream of horrible things! I've killed children Ben! I made sure that they suffered and I only smile in return! You need to get out and away from me Ben just please!' I walked a few more steps closer.

'Let me help you Serenity! Just tell me what's going on!' From all of the things that felt like chaos swirling between us died down. Like a hurricane drifting out and joining the rest of the calmness of the air around it. Serenity smiled at me and looked directly into my eyes—she was beautiful and I could only feel a close attachment to her. I felt through the way that she was looking at me, she felt exactly the same. She began to walk towards me in some elegant mince, swaying her hips and parading her body. She truly began to turn into such a beauty that even her cuts all over her body began to look attractive. 

Pushing her body up against me, she placed one hand on my chest and the other on my neck. Tilting my head towards hers she began to whisper in my ear.

'I've never seen this side of you before Ben. Acting all tough and becoming the man in this relationship; I kind of like it. She put both of her hands on either side of my head and tilted it down so I could look down at her. She was standing on the bare footed tip of her toes just so she could reach up to my face. Looking directly into my eyes she began to speak again. 'So do you know what I really want you to do Ben?'

'What?' I asked. Immediately I felt regret in my bones and my heart accelerated. Her pupils dilated to great proportions and I saw something of the devil within her gaze. 

'The only thing that I want you to do Ben is—' She stopped mid sentence and gave a look to me as if I knew exactly what she was going to say and in a way I guess I did but there was no way I could react fast enough. ' I want you to, GET THE HELL OUT!' She screamed on the top of her lungs and pushed me backwards to begin digging her thumbs into my eye sockets. My body just fell down to the floor and I began to loose my sight slowly. The last thing I saw was that smile, that devilish smile that could kill millions. I could have died and I really might have but I could still feel air flow through my lungs and my pain disappeared, this is only a dream.

Up next in Listening For That Sweet Tune:

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