A Thought Of You.

I love you.

Then I don't.

I remember a long time ago in which I had a sound mind.

I thought I had it bad then. 

Then some freak accident happens to me.

At lest that's how I feel.

I've never been the same since.

Each day gets worse than the one before.

I can't see any form of paradise in my view. 

No Garden of Eden. 

No golden cities.

Just an island inhabited by cannibals,

they eat through my flesh every night.

I hope it tastes good to them.

It does to me.

But.

Every so often I get that glimpse of peace.

I find it in the most beautiful women,

But they never stay around me. 

They offer me a drink from their vial,

just to keep it away from my sight.

I only can feel vile.

Some sick fucking game.

Then.

The paranoia gets the best of me.

I guess that's why I can't stand a sound second. 

'They are laughing behind your back.'

'They haven't spoken a good word about you.'

'No one cares about you.'

'You are a waste of skin.'

I freak out.

I lash my tongue at them.

All because of a thought.

Then I grow myself away.

Sometimes a day.

Others a week.

I torture myself with silence.

Sometimes

I hear the voices.

They tell me to kill myself.

They tell me to kill others.

They tell me to smile at my own blood.

I pace in motion.

I see things waving at me.

I talk to them.

Then I shake their hand.

I really do.

It feels great in a sick way.

I'm sure I've killed you several times.

Some may have been swift.

Others I may have made you feel it.

The voices greet me.

They say I did something right.

Try and fight it.

But I only,

try to forget about you.

Erase all my feelings.

Forget all my thoughts.

Just so you can start again.

So I can start again. 

I purge my mind so I don't have to remember my pain.

So I can feel it perfectly when it comes back. 

You whisper in my ear.

But in the end.

I just forget love.

I hate to say it,

but I do.

This can happen in the worst of times.

While you’re away.

While I'm with you,

You can see it when it happens.

I can only.

Get distracted.

I tone out of the real world.

I say it's nothing,

but it's really causing a serious pain.

Not much you can do.

Maybe just wait.

Wait and watch.

And by the time it's over,

all you can do is hold me,

and make sure I won't forget.

I hope you will do your best to try to save me.

Remember me