Letters to the Mind: Fear

Dear Fear,

I ran into you the other day.

You had that smile that you always have.

All crooked and torn.

For a second,

I though it was good.

You never change,

nothing ever does.

You grab ahold of someone

and you never let go. 

A chokehold for the better.

That's what you always told me. 

I thought that hiding myself was what was best.

That was just another of your lies.

Now I can't get out.

I'm cautious with every person I meet. 

I can't just have a normal relationship,

all because of you,

I hide in my dark room,

till the next day comes.

Things never change,

I do the same thing over and over.

It's killing me.

It's driving me insane.

All I wanted was to be normal,

you couldn't give me that.

I should have known.

I can't stand to be alone, 

yet that is what I am.

I keep pulling out my hair,

scratching at my skin,

because I swear I can feel something.

Crawling.

Twisting. 

Making a cozy home within me. 

Just like you. 

Maybe you are what I am feeling. 

You're no physical thing. 

Just some thought. 

I still try to get you out. 

I can't listen to myself. 

Let alone even taking care of my own body.

I just wait for the next day. 

Nothing ever changes. 

So why do I keep waiting?

Remember me