Fix This

The records cold. 

Been skipping on and off. 

Till you restitute. 

Been haunted now. 

Since horses moved your soul. 

To a Valkyrie. 

And I wish that I fixed this. 

Before you closed that door. 

The screaming and the shouting. 

And the warnings I've ignored. 

But see if i am happy. 

If you ask I would be fine. 

But no one said it's easy. 

Not even, her. 

I've crossed the field. 

The machinery of the earth. 

Is what's left of you. 

Your torn and scarred. 

I give you what you love,

and hope for apathy.

And I wish that I fixed this,

before you closed that door. 

The screaming and the shouting,

and the warnings I've ignored

But see if i am happy. 

If you ask I would be fine. 

But no one said it's easy. 

Not even, when you lie. 

So ask me if I can fix this.

All the warnings they've ignored. 

To see you shining brightly. 

Upon the distant shore. 

I see you up and close now,

eith a look that could kill them all,

you ask me if it was worth it,

It is. 








Remember me

Listening For That Sweet Tune: Chapter XXX: Blood Cellar

The following is a dream sequence in Listening For That Sweet Tune towards the end of the novel. At this point our main protagonist, Ben Lamb, has figured out that when he sleeps he ends up killing someone in his dream whether it be intentional or not and it has kills someone in the real world. Ben has avoided sleep to prevent any innocent lives from dying but now he has discovered that when he dreams, it may not even be his dream. He finds out in a previous chapter that he has the capability of invading other peoples dreams and kill the dreamer as they sleep, if you are the one dreaming while Ben invades your dream then if you die in your dream you die in real life. Ben has fallen asleep and in order for the dream to stop, he must kill the dreamer, whoever it is, so he can continue his journey in the real world. To read the novel from the beginning as a rough draft click here. It ends abruptly for a reason in order to give the reader a sense of not knowing how it will end till it is published. In the current draft of the novel, there are several new chapters between events in the rough draft and it goes well past when it ends on the blog. The novel currently is almost done and has passed 150,000 words. Enjoy the following chapter and please let me know what you think. 

Waking up put me in a nightmare among the others. It was no longer something that could make be wishing for a new death but that doesn't mean I wasn't scared. Finding little room to move my arms and legs with only a few inches of clearance above me I figured I was in a coffin. Breathing fast I started to scratch at the ceiling of the coffin hoping that the boards would come loose easily but it only took seconds to figure out it was built by a trusty carpenter fearing the dead may walk again someday which, kudos for him but that only makes my situation worse. Balling my hands into fists I started banging using all the momentum I could gain as the swing came to a halt against the planks of wood. 

I couldn't find the strength to keep pounding as my breath's became shorter. I had to be in here for a while already because the oxygen entering my lungs was very scarce--I had little time to get out. I placed my arms against me then started to search my pockets for anything but there was no such luck. I then started to feel around me—not being able to see much in the darkness—and noticed something was underneath me. I arched my back up and placed my arm under me to see what it was. It immediately cut my hand and I realized that it was a knife. 

Grabbing the knife and pulling it in front of me I realized that it was a very thick blade with a fairly sturdy handle. I grasped it firmly in my right hand and swung up forcing the blade between a few boards. I then twisted it breaking the boards loose. Dirt started pouring in the coffin as it was loose—just recently buried—and the dust started to travel into my lungs.  From what space I could find I took off my tie and unbuttoned my shirt and placed it around my face so I wouldn't get any more particles of dirt inside of me. Using the knife and other hand to dig my way up, I placed the dirt to fill up all the crevices inside the coffin towards my feet and the remainder of my lower half till i could displace the dirt vertically versus horizontally till I was at a crouch. 

Pushing higher and higher, dirt continuously fell on my face and I then packed it beneath me. The air continued to grow thin and I struggled to find breath. My eyes grew heavy as my breaths continued to be shallower and I realized that I was dying. Thinking of everything I have done all just to find answers.  Who I was, where I am, who was Serenity and what purpose she served, was my fate to be a Wretched? I felt the darkness creep up on what was left of my soul and I dreaded that I was to remain a Wretched for the last of my days neither alive or dead but then I remembered the Mother Sow, she has power over all and if she willed it, it would happen.

Suddenly I gasped for air and realized that I could see the night sky as I fell over in my dark hole in the ground. I took the shirt from off my face and buttoned it back on my body now covered with dirt with the energy that I still had after I felt the full effect of atrophy on my lungs. Random lights flickered and moved as a great tidal wave of colors passed by, this was the night I knew and loved and there was no stopping me now. I crawled forward on the ground with my newfound strength and found that I was in a graveyard. The stale stench of dirt and what I assumed to be dead bodies filled the air as I tried to gasp for it. I felt sick to my stomach yet I was somewhat relieved to be able to smell something no matter how discomforting it was. Gravestones of angels and giant crosses towered over me as I began to stand above my grave. Looking back to my own stone it was small and had strange lettering that I did not understand but in bold lettering I guessed was my name. Trying to get my breath back, my heart raced glad to receive more than my last dying breaths. Listening carefully to how loud I was in the cemetery I tried to breathe quieter hoping I wouldn't awaken the dead but before I knew it I heard a rustling of dirt being moved from one location to another. 

I ducked closer to the ground looking around making sure nothing saw me. The noise continued steadily with no pause—nothing heard me. Looking over a few tombstones I saw a large stone mausoleum almost the size of a church building as they should be for the amount of bodies they have in them, dead or alive. Inside, lights were flickering as I saw through the windows in which made me think this place was in an older area of wherever I was. and I noticed the torches outside of the mausoleum lit its perimeter up but this was not where the sound was coming from. From what I could tell I could see movement within the building but I dared not to approach it until I figured out what was out with me. 

Turning around and leaning near another large tombstone I saw movement near the ground about a dozen yards away from me. A gas lamp that was on the ground beside the figure revealed that it was wearing a black cloak that covered its whole body other than a face and the face was that of a plague doctor from another century and perhaps another world away. The beak towered a foot out from his face and he had thick goggles on. I stood amazed that it could breathe and see in such a contraption but they were not meant for seeing but breathing in filtered air of flowers manufactured scents and even the ocean—anything was possible. I listened again and I could hear heavy breathing along with digging and then a big thump of the shovel hitting whatever he was digging up. The cloaked figure crouched into the hole putting him no longer in my view. I could hear it talking amongst itself then several cracks of wood and he stood back up seeming to be pleased with itself. 

Using this moment to my advantage I moved a few tombstones closer noticing something glistening in the darkness a few feet away from where the figure and the hole was. It was a wheelbarrow but it wasn't used for dirt, in fact it wasn't used for anything, at least, not yet. It sat besides the grave robber’s hole glistening in the moonlight as it was made of metal and old pieces of wood. Cracks echoed through the air around me from the wooden coffin the figure was tearing apart. After another few minutes he threw a body out of the hole. The mouth was wide open as if it was screaming and its hands were petrified up as they were trying to scratch out of the coffin and I realized that this person was buried alive like myself but was unable to escape which I apparently had a knack for. The figure climbed out of the hole and picked up the body to put it in the wheelbarrow. The figure jolted and looked my direction. I ducked and lay flat on the ground hoping it didn't see me but my gut felt like it did. I could hear a squeaking from the wheelbarrows wheel coming my direction so I began to head towards the other hole taking another path so the figure wouldn't see me. 

A light passed me as I hid behind a large tombstone followed by a squeaking from the wheel and it became apparent that the figure was going to check my grave. I hurried while skulking to the other hole and looked around and down in it to see if there was anything left for me to use because all I had was a small knife, the poor person who was buried did not have any tools left within the coffin. I heard the figure yell—though it was all muffled because of the mask—which sounded he was trying to get someone's attention. I looked over towards my grave and saw another figure standing beside the one that was yelling. This one had a black cloak on as well but instead of a plague doctor mask it was that of a pelvic bone of someone or something with blackness that filled the holes in the bone. It sat cradled on his head as if it was some sort of crown but it was big enough that you could see his eyes in the holes of the bone. His eyes were anything but one solid color in fact they were many, so many that I could not discern what color they were and thought they were some color I never had seen before. I could hear it breathing heavy and what I would expect to be a screech or menacing laugh was simple English. I could not hear what the one with the crown was saying but the plague doctor responded promptly, still angry over the fact that I escaped. The plague doctor stood up from where he was and led the wheelbarrow towards me again. 

Smaller tombstones surrounded this hole and being crouched behind a small stone would not cut it for hiding. I looked below me and saw the chance that I could not pass and I jumped into someone else's coffin hoping I would not be sucked into death one more time. While keeping my head down low I heard the wheelbarrow squeak past. I poked my head out of the coffin when the sound dissipated to see the two figures were heading to the mausoleum so I jumped out quickly and headed forward so I could see past the doors as they swung open. Tombstones got smaller to the point of being a foot or so over the ground to plates that just sat in the soil. I got down to a crawl and tried to keep quiet till I reached a far enough point to see what I was to expect. Rolling over only a couple of times I remained quiet in front of a small tombstone where I would hide till they were no longer in view. Peeking over the side of the tombstone I could see the one with the crown take out a ring of appropriately named keys and placed one into the keyhole. He pushed the doors wide open then turned around to pick up the body within the wheelbarrow and walked inside. I looked carefully to see what could be inside.

Swift shadows ran by the door playing in the flickering lights of candles jumping up and down trying to be as tall as the main figures but they walked on fours. They could have been large dogs in fact that was the most likely case but this wasn't the world as we knew it. I was, somewhere else. The heavy doors were closed behind the two figures leaving monsters and creatures alike screaming behind a locked vault. I waited behind the tombstone feeling the grass on my chin and the cold air in my lungs. Movement continued as I looked through the stained glass windows beside the large doorway. The lights in the room dimmed and all grew quite as I waited among the worms. 

Suddenly I felt something digging a hole into the middle of my skull. A burn of white coals melting through my flesh till I started breathing smoke. I got up from where I was—now in shock—and stumbled towards the front doors of the mausoleum. Clocks started ticking in the distances and gears started to grind against another followed by screams of I couldn't only imagine to be victims of a horrific crime. Nearly blind I struggled to walk up the steps to the front doors but as I expected the doors were locked. I didn’t know what I was thinking hoping to face the creatures head on but a it was a need that only this action could suffice. I fell to my knees then fell on the concrete steps rolling down till I fell into the grass my hands were against my ears trying to snuff out the noise but it was too powerful and I laid there till all that was left of me left my body. 

Once again finding myself in a pool of my own blood I looked up to the night sky that was completely black. Sitting up I noticed that the front doors were now opened and I could go inside. Struggling to find strength to get up I also felt my head where I felt the burning just moments ago. There was no scar and there wasn't any real proof that something was even there as if something was burning inside of me. As I got up I reached for the knife that was now beside me and walked into the mausoleum. 

Everything was some form of stone or concrete or glass when I entered other than the doors which were wood. People were buried in their perspective graves and not a single sound was uttered among these men. I could hear my shoes click with every step and an echo followed from the other side of the building. Dressed in appropriate funeral fashion I realized that I was clean again. There was no remnants of dirt or any type of particles that would make it evident that I was buried alive. I loosened my tie which I felt was choking me slowly but as I loosened it I could still feel a compression on my neck that only tightened. Barely seeing in front of me I walked carefully among the graves. As I reached the end and approached another doorway I looked to where it went. I wondered if I turned around I would find myself in a different reality in which I wasn’t buried alive and I was in a entirely different world in which that I awoke to find myself in. I turned around to see if I could turn back and wait till my pain was eased but all I saw was darkness and it creeped forward and I dreaded that if I faced the darkness I would find myself in another coffin but this time I would actually be dead.

I went down further into the ground heading down the staircase that was in front of me much like everything does here. Descending the steps, I walked cautiously now that I could see a flickering light below. I could hear the mechanics of machines and sounds of animals fighting with each other up until I reached the bottom then everything went quiet as if everything knew I was there. As I looked forward when I reached the bottom of the stairs there was only a long straight hallway with doors on both sides. A dull light was above every door and a bright one at the very end of the hallway. I walked past the first doors and I noticed they were metal. There was a moving metal piece about eye height that let me see into the room so I looked into the one to my left. 

I saw a chair in the middle of a spotlight from above. All the corners were dark and I questioned if someone was hiding in the shadows. I looked back to the chair and I noticed it was metal as well as being bolted to the rust looking metal floor. I saw metal shackles that attached to the legs and arms of the chair as if it was to hold someone firmly in the seat while some second party would do whatever to whoever they wanted. I dreaded the implications of this place if I would find myself caught by someone or worse, something. Seeing nothing else I wondered if I could get inside to further investigate but the door was locked but I thought long and hard if I really wanted to know what was in there and the truth was, I didn't. I crossed the hallway to the one that was on my right. Moving the piece of metal that revealed a small peephole I looked through the hole and I could only see the blackness of a void of light. This door was locked as well but I feared of something looking back at me in the darkness, mouth dripping with saliva waiting for its next meal. I had no intention of entering this room but I wanted to know if whatever was in here could get out and get me and I was confident nothing could.

Checking the next set of doors I heard a scream from further down the hallway behind one of the doors. At a light jog I traveled forward to where I think I heard the scream—I was now midway to the bright light at the end of the hall. I moved the metal piece on the door to look past the door on the right side of the hall and there was nothing but darkness. Just figuring it was the wrong door I began to close the slide but I heard it again. This time it was even further down the hall but I also began to see movement behind the door I was near. I could see movement in the darkness but I couldn't figure out what it was. Another scream occurred but this time it was behind the door I was near but it wasn't an ordinary scream but of something animal. Looking harder everything stood still but I could hear the tearing of flesh and grunts of anger as it grew louder and louder I couldn’t discern the sound of the creature from my own thoughts. Unable to distinguish what was happening I closed the slide and all sound stopped as if the room was soundproof, I continued down the hall. 

I went to the door across from the one I was just at and looked in and this time I was greeted by something my mind could comprehend. I looked through the hole in the door to see dogs but they were mutated into something else entirely. Their mannerisms and sounds were that of dogs. They paced the dimly lit room rattling the chains they were attached to while they were sniffing the air waiting for their owners to come and release them. There was no fur on these creatures, in fact it was something like the opposite. They were slimy as if they were closer to a lizard or some sort of reptile but their body structure was that of a large dog. One barked and it sounded awful as if the years of longing and torment could be spoken in one simple phrase. It didn’t sound like a dog but like some low screech that you would expect from a apex predator. I made a clicking noise with my mouth to see if I could get one of their attentions and I got all of them. They all looked at me and bared their long and sharp teeth that were yellow and bloody from their past meals. These weren’t animals by nature, they were trained to be this way, no animal could be so fierce unless if it was taught that way by some other person or creature. They began to run at me but their chains yanked them backwards and they could travel more than half of the room. They were all chained in their respective corners only to endure their masters judgement. It occurred to me that the real implications of this place gave me false assumptions of what lay underneath the warm soil. It was a cold place full of torture and self loathing and there was no escaping it. As I looked back to the staircase hoping to just stay with the cadavers in their coffins I saw the black nothingness creep closer to me preventing me from leaving. It engulfed the first few doors in the hallway with all that were being tortured and the light that came with it. I made my bed, now I had to lie in it. I looked the only direction I could go and that was toward the bright light at the end of the hall—which was just a dozen or so feet away from me. I could not see what was on the other side of the light but if I was being chased by darkness, it was the obvious place to go. 

Now heading towards the bright light I could hear something behind all the doors. Some had screams others had machines--it got very loud very quick. Several doors at once i could hear pounding against the doors with screams for help but everything was off. I immediately thought that the cries of help were just siren calls fearing I would die upon stopping. Making haste with the fear of crippling sound, I reached the rays of the bright light at the end of the hall and it was like an explosion went off because everything was muddled as I heard a light high pitched tone like my ears blew out. I stumbled further into the light and some clicking of metal occurred behind me. I turned to see I was trapped in some cage but I couldn't see how big or small because of the blinding light. The sound was unbearable; I closed my eyes trying to focus on something else other than the pain in my skull but it was too much. I began to panic and before I knew it all went black and I passed out.

I woke up in darkness. I was laying soundly on the floor but something woke me up suddenly but I could not make out what took me out of my slumber. I was unsure where I was but it looked at if the darkness that was pursuing me had engulfed everything around me and left nothing as if I was sucked into a black hole. The floor that I was laying felt like it was dirt and I began to stand up while looking around me I looked around my shoulders and turned around to see that I was in some black pit. Before I knew it a light shone on my position in the room and I could see it was some spotlight far in the distance. I looked at myself and the ground beneath me and I was in similar attire but everything had been torn and well used as if I was marooned on a island for months. I could see old and new blood on my clothes and I realized that I had been here for a while but for how long? At this point I wondered of all the implications of when I slept. How long do I sleep and does it correlate appropriately on a natural timeline or would months seem like minutes in the real world? In the middle of thought I heard a crackle in the distance and then a overbearing voice.

“Welcome Ben Lamb! We have been eagerly waiting for you!” A voice said in the distance but was amplified by a microphone or some otherworldly booming tone. I could not tell if the voice was that of a woman or that of a man because I heard many voices as if they were speaking in unison Several other lights went on around me to reveal I was in some sort of gladiatorial stadium made of stone and other natural building materials and I was in the middle of the pit. I looked up above me to see the sky but it was clear I was underground as it appeared we sat in some large cave under the planets crust. Thousands of people sat in the crowd but they had no faces but I could feel their gazes pierce my very soul. They clapped and cheered and chanted in their respective voices and there were many. Some lights focused on a stadium box that was up front and center with a few recognizable faces and a few unknown ones. The man who had the pelvic bone as a crown stood to the left, the plague doctor who I met in the cemetery stood to the right and in the center was a man in a suit and a large mask of a male lion with a full mane. Behind him I could see several other people hidden in the darkness but they dared not to show their faces though I was sure that they would be as weird and intricate as the ones in front of them.

“Who are you?” I asked at a near yell. Everyone grew quiet as the one with the lion mask raised his hands to quell their voices.

“Who we are does not matter to you in this point in time. Why we are here is a more appropriate question.”

“Okay.” I said somewhat confusingly. “Why are you here?” 

“We are here to watch you fight Ben, to fight for your life.” I dreaded the implications of me fighting for my life for I had no idea whose dream this was. If it was my own, I would die if I died in my dream like I decided in dreams that had passed but if it was someone else’s then if they died the nightmare would end and I would awaken but I would have killed another person. I wondered if I could do anything to wake the dreamer whether it be me or someone else but I was unsure of the implications or even how I would accomplish such a feat. I prepared myself to fight for my life and began to search for a weapon and found that the knife I had previously was in my pocket. I took it out and unfolded it and got in a defensive position as many sounds around me began to echo through the stadium and the cave that surrounded us. I noticed there was a gate on one end of the stadium that was beginning to open and I saw a lot of movement through the cracks of the gate as it opened. Soon before I knew it the mutated dogs that I saw just moments earlier raced out from behind the gate as it opened and ran at me furiously eager to eat their first meal from what I would guess in weeks. 

There were four dogs in total and they screeched and yelped as they got closer to me. One reached me in jumping distance and leaped towards me while chomping down in anticipation of eating. I thought quickly and got down into a lower position and as the dog jumped over me I pushed my body up to knock the dog out of its intended path and against the wall that I backed myself into. He thumped against the wall and before it could shake off the sudden impact of hitting the wall I got closer to it and stabbed it between its ribs. I did not feel good about killing this creature but I felt if I put these creatures out of their misery, it would put my mind at ease, dream or not. The crowd booed as I took the knife out of the dogs ribs and it sat motionless but began to cheer as they saw the other dogs acted like wolves and surrounded me backing me against the wall. They snarled and snapped their jaws at me in attempt to feed off my fear in anticipation. The one to my left jumped at me first and hoping they did not learn from their past mistakes I prepared to perform the same move I did on the first dog but as I reacted to the dog jumping at me the dog directly in front of me reacted to my sudden movement and began to run right at me. I threw the dog from my left onto the dog to my right and before I could put my attention to the dog that was running right at me I was knocked onto my back my the same dog and it attempted to take a big bite out of my throat. I dropped my knife in the struggled and placed both of my hands on the dogs face and with one quick movement I snapped its neck. 

The crowd booed again as the crack of cartilage echoed through the stadium and they realized that the life of the second dog had departed. I was not proud of it, in fact this very moment was beneath me and I knew that if there was a way to solve this problem without violence I would but something deep down within my soul loved taking the life of the dog and it made me sick. The dog grew limp on top of me and was overbearing with its significant weight, malnourished or not, these dogs were still heavy. I pushed the dog off of me to see the remaining two dogs staring at me knowing that they might not make the cut. Between me and the dogs sat the knife buried in the dirt and I knew that if I was to make it out of this alive I had to get that knife. I jumped towards the knife as the dogs ran towards me at the same time in unison and before I could think I reacted with instinct and all I saw was the color red. I heard a yelp and the crowd booed again so I knew I had the upper hand and when my vision came back to me the third dog had fallen and the fourth ran towards the open gate in fear. 

I was covered in blood, sweat, saliva, and dirt and I knew that I had successfully fought off the dogs. I walked to the middle of pit of the stadium as the people were quiet. They didn’t intend on my survival and neither did I but I prevailed over all the obstacles and I basked in the glory regardless of how degrading it was. I looked back towards the man with the lion mask and it stood up from its chair and walked to the balcony that separated me from it. It thought long and hard about its next words as the crowd began to murmur with each other and he raised his hands and everyone stopped talking immediately.

“Ben! I am glad to see you survived but that was not your only test.” He was smug and I was disappointed to know I still had to fight but I now realized that the only way out of this place was to kill the one who was dreaming. I looked around the crowd to see if anyone stood out from each other, some familiar face that would give away the one that was dreaming but everyone looked the same. I looked back to the one with the lion mask and wondered if this masked figure was the one who had all the cards, the one who thought of this whole scenario or even the plague doctor or the man with the bone crown but it appeared the creature with the lion mask could read my thoughts. “You want out? I am confident you don’t want to kill the one who dreams, the owner of this realm.”

“I do!” I yelled back.

“So be it.” The creature with the lion mask walked away from the balcony and sat back down and clapped his hands when I herd a screech from the other side of the gate that was now opening again. I used my wrist to wipe the sweat of my brow and exhaled in anticipation; this was it. I did not know what to expect but the screeches sounded oddly familiar and moments before the creature crashed through the gate and forcing it to open faster, it clicked. The creature who forced the gate open was a familiar one, I had faced this creature before and when it showed its face from the darkness and screeched through the air. This creature had chased me in previous dreams and attempted to kill me more than once but it was the creature I released from the locked institution room just days ago in a few dreams previous. It was locked in a padded room for what I guessed to be its own protection and the safety of others and I released it and it was time to finally face the thing that I dreaded. 

Like times in the past the creature had no face, just a black void similar to the Wretched but unlike the Wretched, the nothingness that was the skin of the creature did not consume and warp the light around it. It remained in its white blood stained straight jacket and its fingers that now were ripped out of the jacket were that of daggers and other sharp objets. The spotlight that was once on me now was on the creature and its black flesh somewhat reflected the light as if it was slimy and wet. It creeped closer to me and spoke to me but just like in times in the past I could not understand its speech, in fact the very speaking of the creature made me uneasy and clench my head in agony. It stopped speaking knowing that it was causing me discomfort and I realized that the creature was more than some animalistic mindless creature, the creature in fact had complex thoughts and could critically problem solve. The creature creeped closer to me showing no sign of aggression but spoke again. Similar to before, I could not understand it but it was the tone of its voice was what caught me off guard. The very voice of the creature hurt my mind but it sounded accepting, like it understood what was going to happen. It greeted me with arms wide open and I approached it with my knife in hand and before it could utter a single other word I stabbed it in the chest. The crowd cheered as it fell to the ground but I did not feel accomplished, nor did I feel good with my actions; I just felt awful. Who did I just kill? 

Remember me

Control

What the hell is happening?

I plant the flowers, as I step in decay. 

Just once,

just this once,

I want to see me live my life,

and have my way with you. 

I can trust,

the words you speak,

if you walk away. 

I can't help but save myself,

from the wreckage,

of what I've become. 

What the hell, 

am I doing here?

All the words I say and go. 

I'm loosing control,

but I'll give it to you.

Remember me

The Crucible Part I

The following is the first part to my new short story THE CRUCUBLE. As your already aware I wasn't even planning on publishing a short story this year because of my plans to finish my novel but in between getting chapters written for it I started on a short story anyway. The short story is not finished and it won't be finished till about the middle of this year. This post is what I have so far and I hope it draws you in to be exited for what comes next. Let me know what you think.

The day starts just like every other, you wake up but today was different. Looking at the clock it was 6:14, thirty minutes before my alarm goes off and unlike the days in the past, we were sweating. This wasn't normal for previous days, we've never felt the experience of sweating. I thought that I have done something wrong for this was not normal in our life, this was not acceptable. Trapped in my mind we--my body and my mind--remembered the same dream I always have of a sky falling down, collapsing underneath its own weight as color left the world around me but this was only a dream. Since the very first time I remember we have always lived in a loop--get up, go to work, receive a call, go to lunch. Then we go back to work go home and we drive to therapists and talk. Easy. We then head home, eat dinner and go to bed. I have no control over what I say or do and nothing ever changes but this sweat over my chest and back is something so foreign I can only hope that the day remains the same.  

We've never done anything with the extra time in the morning, we've always been too tired. We go back to bed for the next thirty minutes but we don't dream. We get up and put on our clothes a white button up shirt. Black pants, socks, shoes, belt and a blood red tie. We like red as well as black as we drive a maroon colored car with black interior, red and black sheets and comforter, mostly black appliances painted most of the walls in our house red--at least I would assume we did--and have a primarily red and black wardrobe. My body said aloud “Sanguine”. My body calls the color sanguine which seems appropriate but odd to myself.

Taking a step out of our bedroom My body takes a long look to the right at a mystery room down the hall in which I've never seen inside since this loop started. The hall itself is dark in appearance with two other doors down the hall, one in front of me which is to the left of the hall and one at the end or to my direct right. My body looks at the one at the end for a prolonged period of time which leaves us with two less minutes as we check the time on our watch. We head left and further down there are two wide openings on both sides of the hall, to the left is the kitchen and to the right is the living room. All the blinds are closed leaving little light into the rooms blocking out the sunlight outside. There are many flourishing plants inside the living room but my body never waters them, this is how I know we are in a loop other than the other obvious stuff. This plant would be dead by now. It seems to be the same kind of situation. We grab the keys on a hook at the other end of the hall on the wall next to the kitchen, grab our bag beneath it and leave through the entrance which is in the main hall and the end of the hallway. We skip breakfast as our alarm is set sixteen minutes till work starts so we have to get the day started and fast. We lock the door, jiggle it then turn around to walk to work. You can hear the bustling of a city but from what I can tell it's no large city that can compare to populations of a hundred thousand or more but it's close. Looking above the roofs of the buildings you can see that we are living in a valley surrounded by mountains and trees though we never leave the city to look at them. 

A red convertible drives by us on the street and we turn around to look at the car, the license plate reads; lookout. My body chuckles to himself and says, "Lookout for what?". We are now at a crosswalk and we can see several cars and trucks varying to different colors and acknowledge that they are not close or going fast enough to be near us. We walk to our right And cross the crosswalk to the other side of the street. From here on its a straight path to work as we pass several buildings primarily made up of stucco and bricks. We pass a little floral shop and the old female owner says hello to us as she waters flowers on the sidewalk with a small pitcher but my body doesn't respond. As we build a distance from here I hear a male voice say, "Somethings not right.". The last thing we pass before reaching work is a bus station comprised of a few business men and women. They look at their watches and read their newspapers and we look at the front page as we walk by a man who is sitting down reading the paper. It reads; fifth person missing this week and we look at the date on the paper which is a Tuesday. We bump into a woman as we are distracted with the newspaper. 

"Hey! Oh. I remember you! You were at that event on Saturday!" She was wearing a short red dress, red shoes, long dark hair, pale skin. We have been in the loop so many times I forgot what happened on Saturday but it seems just like a ordinary day for my body. 

"Yeah? Well I met a lot of people that day." My body says. "It was kind of a crazy day."

"Sure it was." I could see her checking me out. "Here, take my number, call me sometime." She took out a business card and handed it to me. Our fingers touch and I know my body's face blushed. 

"Sorry, I have to go." My body added as he started a quick pace away. I could feel him thinking of the opportunities that he could have with her, fantasizing about the future. In the midst of his thoughts he said aloud “Sanguine.” We stop at another intersection just a couple of yards from where the woman stopped us and waited till the crosswalk lights told us to go. Joining my coworkers while walking through the front door of the offices of SansCorp I overheard a conversation between a male and female who worked on my floor. 

“—and she never called back. I wonder what happened?" The male said. 

"What was her name?" The female asked. My body bumped into a wall which made a loud thump. 

"You okay?" A few people asked at the same time. 

"Yeah." My body said rushing to the elevator hoping the doors would remain open. The elevator was packed but my body pushed himself inside anyway leaving the elevator just a little more cramped than before. The doors closed 

"Something is happening on the nine o clock. Just got the text." A woman said. Another sighed. "News is always so glumly" Said the other woman. The elevator doors opened up and my body left the rest "got to run some diagnostics." As he laughed to himself shyly. He walked up to a balcony looking down on the heavy machinery and saw everyone checking out the announcement board which was a two hundred and something foot monitor a few flights up. 

"—and when it molds itself to the foliage it take a reddish brown tinge from the remaining chemicals. If this is happening to an area near you, do not hesitate to call the authorities"

"Phew! Scary stuff."

"No doubt Todd. Let's go down to the weather station where we will hear the weeks forecast from our chief meteorologist, Doug."

"Thank you Meredith. Expect storms this weekend. We have a cold front coming in from the west and thunder clouds. In reporting areas there are isolated thunderstorms coming from the west as well. Be cautious this weekend as there have been sightings of red clouds east if us and no one wants to be stuck in those. As the weekdays go expect sunshine most of the week with isolated showers around North Fork. Meredith."

“Sanguine.” My body said. 

"Thank you Doug. Police report of a murder that took place south of town."

"No names have been released but it is suspected that it's linked to the recent string of murders in this area, a press conference was released today."

"—and if there is anyone who knows any of the recent victims or know who is responsible please do not hesitate to call the number on your screen. Questions? Yes, you."

"Is there any leads on what kind of person this is?" 

"Some speculations. The person is very strong so we are mostly looking for a male or muscular female. Both men and women have been killed of different races and faiths so it is not a hate crime or a specific motive.  We suspect the murderer is using the same weapon for every kill though it is not clear what type of weapon because he takes the body with him but it's evident someone died here. Blood splatter suggests what the weapon was, it could be a knife or something similar to a knife but in other areas it's as if the blood mists and we don't have a explanation on that yet is. Yes, Sarah?" 

"Thank you Detective Reynolds. Most of these murders are set in this month. Have you seen any other cases like these ones in the past?

"Yes. There are certain details with all of the murders that have not been released to the public that connects many bodies in the tri-county area."

"Could one set of victims be by one person and these recent ones by another?"

"If it is a copycat then the person who is responsible within our department which is illogical."

"Could it be that way?"

"Impossible most of the staff her have two families. The ones that keep at their homes and the ones they have here. If it was someone in the department, some of us would surely know. One more question. Adrian, go."

"I've been noticing patterns of the murders and The chemical clouds in the area could be linked. Have you thought about that?"

"Adrian, we have not thought of that. See me after this. Thank you everyone who showed up." The screen switched to the newscasters. 

"Do you think the clouds may have a factor in these strings of murders Meredith?"

"Todd, let's ask Doug about the composition of these red clouds, Doug?"

"Well... The clouds are made up of a recently discovered chemical that have most likely been evaporated somewhere in the environment and so when there is enough moisture within the clouds it rains the elements which are toxic to all things living. It could be possible that the murderer is using this to his or her advantage because no one will be outside but that would risk poisoning to themselves." 

"Interesting Doug, sounds like you should be an investigator yourself."

"No thanks Todd. I just do the weather."

"Next up, HARD FIBRES. Elemental nanobots invented by Babel Dunwich and his science team from South Tech Labs which---" the screen was turned off and showed another man behind a different desk. 

"Let's give a big hand for James for helping us through our quotas this week." Everyone clapped. "Now for this week we're inviting South Tech Labs down here to help with our below ground construction. Now. I know everyone is cautious of them because of what those liberals are saying about our ecosystem but it's nothing to be worried about. They will break ground after you start your shifts and by the end of your shift they will be out of the office. The new positions will be available after construction. Apply where you want." I know my body desired to watch these HARD FIBRES in action other than creating vehicles so he hurried to the foreman’s office and walked in. 

"Yes..." Looking down to his name tag. "Sabini?”

"Please. Call me Benito." Raising his arm out to shake the foreman’s hand. The foreman looked at it and stood up. 

"What do you need Benito?”

"As your aware I'm the analyst of our division for HARD FIBRES and I can only wonder of the full practicality of the bots and was curious if I could join you and STL in the lower levels as they build our additions?”

"We need you to be available for the incoming data when we start production today." He started to head toward the door out of his office. 

"But sir, I don't get that data for another few hours, I want to be able to see other applications of the FIBRES.” 

"What are you supposed to be doing right now if you don't get to go?” 

"I'm supposed to be running data of future models that the company will be making but I have the reports right here." Looking in my bag and took out a report and handed it to him. He stopped, put on his glasses and briefly looked through the pages of the report. 

"You think we can cut cost out by a third if we add these substitute metals?” 

"It's a theory. I wanted to talk to STL to see if something like that is possible.”

"Can't you just call their office? Just do what you usually do.” 

"But they are here now. It will take days to hear back from them, they are a pretty busy company since the discovery.” 

"I guess." He took his glasses off and grabbed a hard hat that was on a hook. "Grab a hat and be quick, I'm not waiting for you." My body grabbed one and skipped his way through the door. The foreman continued to look through my body's notes and chuckled to himself. "You really outdid yourself Benito. If these projections are true you're going to save the company a lot of money.”

"That's why you hired me sir." My body said. 

"You were going to save us money?”

"No. I'm good with numbers” 

"Right." He laughed. We walked down several steps and then an elevator. We got in and we began to descend. "Here's your report, the science doesn't make sense to me but the numbers do, something I failed in school.”

"Why choose this field then sir?”

"Before you and all this tech got here it was robot arms for heavy lifting, wrenches, and elbow grease.”

"Robot arms? That's tech sir.”

"It was basic. This HARD FIBRE stuff is just confusing.”

"I didn't realize you did most of everything by hand before FIBRES.”

"Wish we still did, a lot of people would still have their jobs." The elevator dinged. "Here we are. Stay close." We walked through several dark corridors and then we stopped. I looked in front of the foreman and he was talking to another guy in a hard hat. "Ok. Then get it done before we do this." We went down into a cramped corridor with several crates that had text that wrote South Tech Laboratories on them. A bunch of men in white coats greeted us. 

"You here to monitor the construction?" One man asked.” 

"Yes. Yes we are.” 

"You ready?" The man asked. The foreman looked back to me, I nodded. 

"Yes.”

"Okay, put on these masks and glasses, it's going to get real dusty. "As he handed us some protection. Other people in lab coats opened up the large boxes and took out a small electronic device from each box and plugged them into a larger electronic device with a screen. One lab coat now had all the devices in one. He started clicking on it and showed it to the foreman. 

"These dimensions look right?

"Yes.”

"And these supports and walks look efficient" the foreman took a minute. 

"Yes.”

"Alright sign here and we will begin." He signed the device and it started to make a whirring. In the boxes you could hear a low hum and a black mass came flying out of the box. "Hold on to your butts."  The device started to beep and let out a high pitched tone. The mass dispersed and went in every direction and before you knew it and several minutes later the corridor was now several times bigger and after the dust cloud faded I noticed the walls were covered in the same material as upstairs and beams to support the weight. 

"There you go, new floor in just a few minutes, look good?" The foreman felt one of the beams holding up the ceiling. 

"Yes. Thank you boys, you're free to go." The lab coats started packing up there equipment and it happened so fast I walked up to the lead lab coat and handed him another report separate from what I handed the foreman. 

"What's this?" Looking through it. 

"I had an idea for a new type of metal, wanted to know what you thought.”

"It'll become brittle and break too easily." He said while handing it back to me.

"Yes, if heat was applied to make it, through the FIBRES no heat is applied keeping the molecular stability to its original level." The lab coat looked through it again. 

"Maybe, try it, test it and if it works then patent it before someone thinks of that idea too." While handing me back the report. 

"Yes sir.”

"Lets go boys." The lab coats picked up their gear and left while the foreman still looked around in the room which was dark but there were some flood lights in the middle of the room that were originally in the corridor. 

"I see this on cars all the time but not on this scale, wow. I never thought this would be possible a decade ago.”

"It's very possible now. Glad I was here to see it, though I've never seen FIBRES take materials before, just place.”

"I guess everything's possible." The foreman said. I myself have wondered behind the science behind these FIBRES and whether if they are responsible for our planet to be stuck in a constant loop. Maybe something wrong happened that somehow destroyed life as we know it. Maybe we're dead just reliving our final moments stuck in a personal hell not knowing what you could change a believe me I tried. I've done anything and everything to regain control of my body but that's the thing. My body is no longer my own so I can't control anything. Like there's some firewall between my thoughts and his thoughts and I wish I could remember at least something before this day but it's been blocked as well. As if I'm a prisoner. My body went back upstairs conversing with the foreman and every single time he calls him by his real name he just corrects him and says "it's the foreman." Something just so cringey to watch every time but I'm doomed to repeat it tomorrow. They part ways and my body goes back to work not knowing what's going through my head after being shut down at work. I wish I could console myself to tell me that everything would be better but I'm just some flaking wallpaper in the back of his mind with no real purpose. 

Hours have now passed and my body has started to work on the incoming numbers from today when my body gets a phone call. It was unexpected to my body but known to me for a long time. 

"Hello?”

"We did the work, its good.”

"What work? What's going on?" My body asked. 

"The foreman noted your looking to make a new metal, we pulled the reports from off your computer and checked it out. It's good with one complication.”

"Explain." My body wasn't sure to be upset or exited. 

"The metal you called...Terium. It's lightweight like you predicted and real tough. We put it in several housings to see how it would withstand pressure and it excelled greater than any known metal, polymer or plastic. It has only one weakness.”

"That is?”

"As you are aware if this was created combining the materials, some very rare and others common and if it was exposed to extreme heat it would become brittle, thats why it has never been done but from what your suggesting if it never gets to a melting point to combine the materials and is made synthetically it would keep its integrity to a fairly hot temperature, in fact if this metal holds up it could be used in space craft and get very close to a star or a hot planet and not melt while keeping a decent temperature inside the spacecraft to keep the occupants very comfortable. You proposed this on what you called, MagCars or Magnetic Vehicles that conducted electricity and magnets to make vehicles float but I think you can take this much higher than what you think.

"I can work on that right now." My body added. 

"That won't be necessary. Your department needs you. Your statistics and your concepts will keep this company flourishing, we will do the rest down here.”

"I would at least like to see it in action.”

"That also won't be necessary, you do you, we will do us. Keep up the good work." There was a silence for a minute then a dial tone. My body never takes this well. He becomes angry but internally. But I can pick up the signs. He gets snappy. Hastens his work. He just wants to get out of here. He looks at the clock on his computer pushing aside all the files that comprised the screen. He could take a early lunch and he does every time. 

Walking home for lunch we take a different path. The words "don't want to deal with that previous crap" utter through his lips and by the time we get home we are exhausted. When we close the door we push our backs up against it going partially limp, falling to the floor from pure exhaustion. My body opens his eyes and sees the door at the end of the hall down the dark hallway. I wish I knew what he was thinking because that would save me from the confusion of what's on the other side of that door but my body just shrugs it off and heads to the kitchen. He opens the fridge to take out some lunch meat and some bread in a container beside the fridge and makes a small sandwich. He briefly looks at the freezer that sits on top of the old refrigerator intently and I can feel him begin to sweat. He quickly finishes the sandwich but hesitates before he leaves the kitchen. I know that there is something in the freezer and there is also something at the end of the hall but I have never seen what was inside. I have never been pleasured by the view since I have been stuck in this loop and with no knowledge of what happened before this loop I could not tell what it could be but I have always had my suspicions.

As my body left the house and approached SansCorp again I thought to myself briefly about how I thought that my body was more than just a logistics and concepts genius at the growing Magcar manufacturing plant owned by SansCorp. I felt that my body was capable of a much different field of work and everything could potentially point towards it but I never see the other side of the fence. They say the grass is always much greener on the other side but I personally felt if I could get a glimpse of the other side of the fence I would be shocked in horror to see what my body was capable of but the fence remained blocking my vision of the other side so one could never truly know what is on the other side, just speculation. I know my body steals a canister of HARD FIBRES at the end of the work day and I know he has some devious plot with them but the question is what? HARD FIBRES or Hartford, Ares, Rylan and Dunwich's Fusion Intelligence that Braids Recluse Elements are simple nanobots that control the atom. From what I understand is that every nanobot contains every element known to man and can create anything if they are told to do so with any material, natural or manmade. With these FIBRES we can create anything we ever dreamed of and costs to build are now virtually inexpensive but there has been a uproar by the people and the government that these HARD FIBRES can create what men have no business in. HARD FIBRES are currently exclusively used for machinery and buildings and nothing else because the likelihood of man is afraid of what can be made by these nanobots and they have the right to be afraid. I have only seen a fraction of what these FIBRES can do and I am scared. I am scared of every single thing these FIBRES can make and the atrocities that limitless power can make. I know my body is up to no good because there could only be one reason to use HARD FIBRES outside of his lab and that’s to make something that is not sanctioned by the government or the labs. 

I contemplate sometimes what my body could be up to and it makes no sense in what he could be making. He’s an engineer he did not help put HARD FIBRES into existence but he knows of their potential and he uses it to his advantage, I know that for a fact. I just don’t know what he would make and all for jeopardizing his position at SansCorp which I feel would be a well sought after position. My body continued to head back to SansCorp brooding about his day possibly thinking what he should do now that he thinks the corporation would not give him credit for his discovery but he has not stolen the HARD FIBRES yet though I’m sure it has occurred to him. Heading down a alleyway right up next to SansCorp my body stops mid stride and stands for a minute. He’s thinking of his next move and if I only knew what it was then I could know what this loop is for but alas, I do not know. 

“What if I used the Terium to...no no. I shouldn’t.” He said aloud. This was where he planned his disbandment of SansCorp for his own gain. The only question was why. Some gears clicked in his head thinking he could do something that the corporations could not and create something that would make him better than the rest. “I’ll do it.” My body walked briskly to SansCorp with full intent knowing his next steps in the great chain and it always ends the same. Now approaching the front doors my body walked into Sanscorp but took a different path. Instead of heading directly to his office he took off to the manufacturing floor which sat on the main level. As my body passed the main desk the secretary called my body’s name. 

“Benito!” My body stopped and sighed knowing that he had been identified. He turned around to face the secretary who was in mid conversation over someone talking to her in her earpiece. “Yes, I’ll tell him.” My body got closer to her. “Benito, your foreman told me that you need to speak to manufacturing and tell them the specifics on your new material, they ran the models but everything seems to—“ She looked down to a note. “Become brittle even though it is made synthetically. Don’t know what that means but I hope it helps.” 

“I’ll head there now.” My body continued to walk to the manufacturing floor but I knew his intention was to keep the secret from them and to take some FIBRES for himself. He approached a electronic door which was sealed with a pass and put a keycard that was attached to his belt and swiped it. The red light on the door turned green and opened making a clicking noise as he walked in. He started walking to the man who seemed to expand on his idea after passing a series of offices and walked onto a manufacturing area where HARD FIBRES made the latest and greatest vehicles for dirt cheep. The man he was looking for sat at a desk with many canisters and little packets of HARD FIBRES were opened and failed to create the new material. The man saw him and waved my body down.

“Benito! Glad you got here. I left a message right before lunch and I guess your foreman just got the message to you, I’m sure you're eager to solve this little conundrum.”

“I am.” My body said.

“You hypothesized that if you made this Terium synthetically without melting down the materials it would maintain its structural stability and resist everything especially heat but as I run the algorithm, something just doesn’t add up. Is there something I’m missing?” The man turned his screen to my body to reveal several chemical bonds and statistics. My body studied it but I could feel the excitement that pulsed through his veins and his faster heartbeat but his emotions did not change. 

“Very peculiar indeed. I’m not sure. Mind if I take some of these packets up to my office to run some tests?” I could tell the other man was conflicted, the HARD FIBRES were not to leave the manufacturing floor but he as well as the entire company was eager to make more money.

“Don’t tell anyone. Heres five. Five trials. Thats all you get. If you can’t get it to work then we do this together.” 

“Thank you.” My body said while taking the small packets full of nanobots. 

“You will also need one of these.” The other man handed him a little tablet that controlled the FIBRES. Just synch it to the packet before you open it or else the nanobots are useless. Five trials. Remember. Don’t tell anyone I gave you these.”

“Noted.” My body said as he felt the weight of the small grey packets that looked at if they held sugar but the weight of them revealed they were something much greater than that. My body turned around to head out of the manufacturing floor and went up to his office where he studied his chemical compositions of Terium to figure out where he went wrong but I know he knew the answer, he just didn’t want to appear that way. The rest of the day was quiet till it was time to pack his things. He packed up a computer bag and put his work computer in it, the tablet, and several packets of HARD FIBRES to meld into whatever purpose that has not been revealed to even me. He took everything from inside his bag to the main floor and broke out in sweat knowing the full implications of if he was caught taking the FIBRES out of the factory. Just as he was about a few feet away from the main door someone called his name. My body stopped and thought of where his life would lead if he was caught. He would be tried and put into jail but how long would a sentence like that be? Until I knew what he was planning on making with the FIBRES I guess the judge and jury would cary out the sentence and the weight of his decisions. He turned around to see the foreman, the last person you would want to see in a situation like this. 

I’m sure my body wondered on how the foreman could pick him out of the crowd. My body bumped shoulders going against the flow of traffic that headed out of the building and headed to the foreman as the foreman looked somewhat upset. My body knew something was up but the question was what.

“I’m disappointed in you.” The foreman said.

“Me? Why?” My body asked nervously. The foreman was silent as he stared at my body intently hoping for my body to sweat it out and think of what my body was doing.

“This Terium of yours. I expected you to come up with a solution to our problem today but I saw no headway on the pursuit of why it doesn’t work. I would like you to think long and hard tonight on what is wrong so I can tell my boss that were about to make him a lot of money. All of this rides on you Benito. Make us proud.” My body was glad that he was not found out but it was a slippery slope from here. If he was to not tell anyone the secret of why Terium wasn’t working properly he was going to be in some serious trouble but my body did not express the ramifications. My body knew exactly what he was going to do but the answer was blocked from me and stuck in a loop. If I only knew. They shook hands and my body went out of the factory leaving the company behind him. As he got an appropriate distance away he looked at the sign of SansCorp in bold red letters on top of the building and muttered.

“Good riddance.” My body was many things but a coward he was not. I feel my body has always ran directly into danger without looking behind his decisions but when he looked back to the SansCorp logo I could feel a sign of regret coming across his face, something I have not seen in previous loops. This loop was different but the answer was why. Everything has always remained the same and as my body headed back home I wondered what could possibly make this loop different from anything else that has happened. Nothing has changed and all that happens from here was a talk to a therapist, dinner and sleep. My body finished the walk home and placed the bag with the HARD FIBRES in the living room—m body was tired yet he was full of energy because he knew what he was going to do. He then walked back to the front door and took his car key from off the keyring beside the door and walked outside to get in his car in which he said “Sanguine”. The car was a deep dark red almost like blood and I could feel my body smirk. He either liked the car or he liked the color and it could very well be either but my bet was on the color. Sanguine. What was the meaning of it?

My body got in the car and started it up as the engine began to whir quietly. My body shifted the vehicle into reverse and began to head towards the therapists office. From what I understand the therapist has offered quite a good deal with my body. I could tell there are many problems mentally and the fact that his mind has been fractured into at least two parts is evident of psychological trauma but the question was from what. I couldn’t hear his conscious thoughts—the very things that make him tick—but I was pretty sure that I was his conscious if that was such a thing in his mind. As far as I knew I could be something completely different and without any knowledge outside this loop I could never be certain. My body turned onto another street and headed on a highway. The therapist was across town but she must be worth it if he would drive across town to see her and I was sure there was someone much closer for him to walk but it is what it is. My body turned on some rock music and started to blare it. It vibrated the windows with the heavy sounding bass and drums as the guitar clashed with the lyrics he started to sing along to it and I couldn’t but help but think the lyrics applied to his current situation to the fullest degree.  

“Ceramics and feathers, waiting for the weather to shine. Oh shine! I seem to relay, all of the beacons,  I once let go.” Then the chorus came in. “Tomorrow I will loose my head, tomorrow I will loose my head, tomorrow I will loose my head, tomorrow I will loose my head!” My body hit the top of the driving wheel and yelled along with the song showing the true emotion behind the song and how my body felt about it. Several other songs came on talking about coping with mental illness. Some real heavy to screaming lyrics to other slow acoustic songs that talked about the singers fracture ego. My body new every word to every song that came on as every song came booming through the speakers of the car. Soon my body approached the therapists office and a slow song was on. As he pulled into the parking lot he began to cry stating; "This is not what I asked for, let me try again. If the chance came before me, I would do it again.” The song ended with various acoustic guitars being fingerpicked into such a beautiful melody I knew that this was the end to the loop and my body knew it but I thought that at this point of the story many times in the past. Then my body said something that he has never said before. “This is the beginning of the end my friend.” It caught me off guard because other than slight cues that simply changed this one was deliberate. The loop was the same and he acted the same in every loop but somehow I knew that he has been conscious for the whole thing and he knew he was in a loop but never said anything new or changed his routine. He was hiding something from the spectator and the spectator was me. If I could not hear his thoughts could he hear mine? Was there something here like a one way mirror in which he has been starring at me and I had no idea that the events that have been looping. It was probably his intention to block my memories as well but I was dumbfounded that this was happening.

My body got out of the car and walked to the medical offices that looked fairly similar to a regular house. Most areas of the city were closed at this time of day and as my body looked up to see the many stars in the sky he knew that there was much more out there then just us but he had to do everything one step at a time and today was the beginning of the end but to what point? The end of the world? The end of his life? The end of me? Only time could tell and if a mere thought could sweat I would. I would be sweating bullets and use those very bullets to protect myself in the storm that was soon to come my direction. I tried to calm myself down as my body walked inside the therapists office and greeted the secretary. Everything happened like days in the past but how would all this play out?

“Hello Benito.” She would say.

“Hello Doctor James.” He would respond. He would sit on the dark couch as the doctor would look across at him from across the room from behind her desk.

“How has you week been?” 

“Conflicting.”

“Oh? How so?”

“I did what you told me to do. To apologize for what I did, they didn’t respond to me.”

“No? So enlighten me Benito, Why are you trying to make amends with these so called strangers? It would make sense to me if you knew them better, why complete strangers that would most likely never meet you again if you never sought them out?”

“Because I did wrong to them.” Benito would said quietly.

“What kind of wrong Benito? You never told me what you did.”

“This isn't what I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.”

“Okay Benito, its your session. What did you want to talk about?” 

“I think I’m going to quit my job.”

“Why? Isn’t this your dream job, working with these HARD FIBRES?”

“Yes it is and my next job will still be with the HARD FIBRES just independently.”

“Aren't HARD FIBRES regulated by the government? How would you work on them independently.”

“I’ve worked out a deal with the company, I can work at home with my own experiments but have to stay in manufacturing.”

“Will you?” The Doctor James would feel that he was lying.

“Listen. I’m not going to be jobless and if I have to start my own company to do what I truly want to do then I will.”

“But why? Why cant you innovate at the generous SansCorp?”

“Its not what I want to do.”

“What do you want to do then?”

“Building vehicles is nice and all but I want to build something that I cant do at SansCorp.”

“That is?” She would raise her eyebrows in skepticism.  

“I can’t say. I need to try it first.” 

“Well let me know when you do. I’m eager to find out what you end up doing.” My body would look at the clock on the wall behind the therapist. 

“I know we haven’t had a very long session but I am very eager to get everything started.” 

“No worries. I’ll only bill for a quarter of the time.” My body would leave the therapists and go home to eat dinner then go to bed but one thing doesn’t make sense. If he was so eager to leave the therapists to get some work done, then why didn’t he do anything when he did get home? Nothing made sense to me but I guess we will see when the time comes. My body waited patiently in the waiting room to be called in and in a few minutes time he was called in and sat on the same chair he always does but something was different. The mood in the room was tense as if a conversation had taken place that I was unaware of. The room was the same full of wooden tables, pictures of landscapes and couches that made the room a safe space to talk in.  

“Hello Benito.” The therapist said 

“Hello Doctor James.” My body responded. The words were the same but I still felt out of place. 

“How has your week been?” My body readjusted himself in the chair and leaned forward.  

“It’s done.” I knew it. Something about this loop was different. It was the beginning of the end. “I have enough materials for the project, I can end the sequence.” 

“Do you want me to reestablish your mind? I’m sure it has many questions.” I did.  

“Do it.” My body said. Doctor James got got out of her seat and went out of the office. My body waited impatiently in his chair and within the minute I could hear a squeak getting closer to the door. Soon a cart rolled in with a lot of tech on it. She pulled it beside my body and flipped a switch in which it made a sound of initializing power. She took out a object that looked like it would fit on my body’s head and it did. She placed this clear looking object that had many wires on it on my head and it was a perfect fit.  

“Lay down Benito.” She said and my body did so. She placed many suction cups on my face and neck and I could feel they stung a little as my body winced as they latched onto my body’s skin. “How do you want it to reestablish? Do you wish to give it your memories or do you want it to communicate to you or both?” 

“Just communicate. I don’t want it to know what I’ve done just yet.” I was fearful for what was happening. How could a mind get fractured then repaired again and for what reason? 

“Just want you to know since your mind has been a separate entity in your mind for so long it may take a while for everything to work to its fullest capacity and even with that said this is like putting a bandaid on your mind. The cut is still underneath and it will scar, it will never be the same but you will be whole again. Also because of…the…entity, your mind still won’t have control over your body ” 

“I’m ready.”  

“Put this in your mouth and bite down firmly.” She said as she handed my body something that resembled a crude stick but it looked sturdy. My body put it in his mouth and closed his eyes. Just within a instant Doctor James flipped a switch and a electric shock went through my body’s body. Everything convulsed as many thoughts went through our head. Many voices and many images went across my vision but too quick to get a good glimpse and soon everything sat still in my mind as if the device was fast forwarding through the previous memories and stopped after it passed them. I looked at a image of something that resembled a human skeleton but something was off about it. It was not human but it resembled what I would assume to be human but modeled to be something else of its entirety. It sat in a cold dark room and it appeared lifeless. My body opened his eyes again to see the doctor looking at a screen that was on the cart.  

“Is it done?” My body asked. 

“Its done.” She responded   

Next on The Crucible:

The Crucible Part II

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