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Monday, January 1, 2018

The Crucible Part I

The following is the first part to my new short story THE CRUCUBLE. As your already aware I wasn't even planning on publishing a short story this year because of my plans to finish my novel but in between getting chapters written for it I started on a short story anyway. The short story is not finished and it won't be finished till about the middle of this year. This post is what I have so far and I hope it draws you in to be exited for what comes next. Let me know what you think.

















The day starts just like every other, you wake up but today was different. Looking at the clock it was 6:14, thirty minutes before my alarm goes off and unlike the days in the past, we were sweating. This wasn't normal for previous days, we've never felt the experience of sweating. I thought that I have done something wrong for this was not normal in our life, this was not acceptable. Trapped in my mind we--my body and my mind--remembered the same dream I always have of a sky falling down, collapsing underneath its own weight as color left the world around me but this was only a dream. Since the very first time I remember we have always lived in a loop--get up, go to work, receive a call, go to lunch. Then we go back to work go home and we drive to therapists and talk. Easy. We then head home, eat dinner and go to bed. I have no control over what I say or do and nothing ever changes but this sweat over my chest and back is something so foreign I can only hope that the day remains the same.  

We've never done anything with the extra time in the morning, we've always been too tired. We go back to bed for the next thirty minutes but we don't dream. We get up and put on our clothes a white button up shirt. Black pants, socks, shoes, belt and a blood red tie. We like red as well as black as we drive a maroon colored car with black interior, red and black sheets and comforter, mostly black appliances painted most of the walls in our house red--at least I would assume we did--and have a primarily red and black wardrobe. My body said aloud “Sanguine”. My body calls the color sanguine which seems appropriate but odd to myself.

Taking a step out of our bedroom My body takes a long look to the right at a mystery room down the hall in which I've never seen inside since this loop started. The hall itself is dark in appearance with two other doors down the hall, one in front of me which is to the left of the hall and one at the end or to my direct right. My body looks at the one at the end for a prolonged period of time which leaves us with two less minutes as we check the time on our watch. We head left and further down there are two wide openings on both sides of the hall, to the left is the kitchen and to the right is the living room. All the blinds are closed leaving little light into the rooms blocking out the sunlight outside. There are many flourishing plants inside the living room but my body never waters them, this is how I know we are in a loop other than the other obvious stuff. This plant would be dead by now. It seems to be the same kind of situation. We grab the keys on a hook at the other end of the hall on the wall next to the kitchen, grab our bag beneath it and leave through the entrance which is in the main hall and the end of the hallway. We skip breakfast as our alarm is set sixteen minutes till work starts so we have to get the day started and fast. We lock the door, jiggle it then turn around to walk to work. You can hear the bustling of a city but from what I can tell it's no large city that can compare to populations of a hundred thousand or more but it's close. Looking above the roofs of the buildings you can see that we are living in a valley surrounded by mountains and trees though we never leave the city to look at them. 

A red convertible drives by us on the street and we turn around to look at the car, the license plate reads; lookout. My body chuckles to himself and says, "Lookout for what?". We are now at a crosswalk and we can see several cars and trucks varying to different colors and acknowledge that they are not close or going fast enough to be near us. We walk to our right And cross the crosswalk to the other side of the street. From here on its a straight path to work as we pass several buildings primarily made up of stucco and bricks. We pass a little floral shop and the old female owner says hello to us as she waters flowers on the sidewalk with a small pitcher but my body doesn't respond. As we build a distance from here I hear a male voice say, "Somethings not right.". The last thing we pass before reaching work is a bus station comprised of a few business men and women. They look at their watches and read their newspapers and we look at the front page as we walk by a man who is sitting down reading the paper. It reads; fifth person missing this week and we look at the date on the paper which is a Tuesday. We bump into a woman as we are distracted with the newspaper. 

"Hey! Oh. I remember you! You were at that event on Saturday!" She was wearing a short red dress, red shoes, long dark hair, pale skin. We have been in the loop so many times I forgot what happened on Saturday but it seems just like a ordinary day for my body. 

"Yeah? Well I met a lot of people that day." My body says. "It was kind of a crazy day."

"Sure it was." I could see her checking me out. "Here, take my number, call me sometime." She took out a business card and handed it to me. Our fingers touch and I know my body's face blushed. 

"Sorry, I have to go." My body added as he started a quick pace away. I could feel him thinking of the opportunities that he could have with her, fantasizing about the future. In the midst of his thoughts he said aloud “Sanguine.” We stop at another intersection just a couple of yards from where the woman stopped us and waited till the crosswalk lights told us to go. Joining my coworkers while walking through the front door of the offices of SansCorp I overheard a conversation between a male and female who worked on my floor. 

“—and she never called back. I wonder what happened?" The male said. 

"What was her name?" The female asked. My body bumped into a wall which made a loud thump. 

"You okay?" A few people asked at the same time. 

"Yeah." My body said rushing to the elevator hoping the doors would remain open. The elevator was packed but my body pushed himself inside anyway leaving the elevator just a little more cramped than before. The doors closed 

"Something is happening on the nine o clock. Just got the text." A woman said. Another sighed. "News is always so glumly" Said the other woman. The elevator doors opened up and my body left the rest "got to run some diagnostics." As he laughed to himself shyly. He walked up to a balcony looking down on the heavy machinery and saw everyone checking out the announcement board which was a two hundred and something foot monitor a few flights up. 

"—and when it molds itself to the foliage it take a reddish brown tinge from the remaining chemicals. If this is happening to an area near you, do not hesitate to call the authorities"

"Phew! Scary stuff."
"No doubt Todd. Let's go down to the weather station where we will hear the weeks forecast from our chief meteorologist, Doug."

"Thank you Meredith. Expect storms this weekend. We have a cold front coming in from the west and thunder clouds. In reporting areas there are isolated thunderstorms coming from the west as well. Be cautious this weekend as there have been sightings of red clouds east if us and no one wants to be stuck in those. As the weekdays go expect sunshine most of the week with isolated showers around North Fork. Meredith."

“Sanguine.” My body said. 

"Thank you Doug. Police report of a murder that took place south of town."

"No names have been released but it is suspected that it's linked to the recent string of murders in this area, a press conference was released today."

"—and if there is anyone who knows any of the recent victims or know who is responsible please do not hesitate to call the number on your screen. Questions? Yes, you."

"Is there any leads on what kind of person this is?" 

"Some speculations. The person is very strong so we are mostly looking for a male or muscular female. Both men and women have been killed of different races and faiths so it is not a hate crime or a specific motive.  We suspect the murderer is using the same weapon for every kill though it is not clear what type of weapon because he takes the body with him but it's evident someone died here. Blood splatter suggests what the weapon was, it could be a knife or something similar to a knife but in other areas it's as if the blood mists and we don't have a explanation on that yet is. Yes, Sarah?" 

"Thank you Detective Reynolds. Most of these murders are set in this month. Have you seen any other cases like these ones in the past?

"Yes. There are certain details with all of the murders that have not been released to the public that connects many bodies in the tri-county area."

"Could one set of victims be by one person and these recent ones by another?"

"If it is a copycat then the person who is responsible within our department which is illogical."

"Could it be that way?"

"Impossible most of the staff her have two families. The ones that keep at their homes and the ones they have here. If it was someone in the department, some of us would surely know. One more question. Adrian, go."

"I've been noticing patterns of the murders and The chemical clouds in the area could be linked. Have you thought about that?"

"Adrian, we have not thought of that. See me after this. Thank you everyone who showed up." The screen switched to the newscasters. 

"Do you think the clouds may have a factor in these strings of murders Meredith?"

"Todd, let's ask Doug about the composition of these red clouds, Doug?"

"Well... The clouds are made up of a recently discovered chemical that have most likely been evaporated somewhere in the environment and so when there is enough moisture within the clouds it rains the elements which are toxic to all things living. It could be possible that the murderer is using this to his or her advantage because no one will be outside but that would risk poisoning to themselves." 

"Interesting Doug, sounds like you should be an investigator yourself."

"No thanks Todd. I just do the weather."

"Next up, HARD FIBRES. Elemental nanobots invented by Babel Dunwich and his science team from South Tech Labs which---" the screen was turned off and showed another man behind a different desk. 

"Let's give a big hand for James for helping us through our quotas this week." Everyone clapped. "Now for this week we're inviting South Tech Labs down here to help with our below ground construction. Now. I know everyone is cautious of them because of what those liberals are saying about our ecosystem but it's nothing to be worried about. They will break ground after you start your shifts and by the end of your shift they will be out of the office. The new positions will be available after construction. Apply where you want." I know my body desired to watch these HARD FIBRES in action other than creating vehicles so he hurried to the foreman’s office and walked in. 

"Yes..." Looking down to his name tag. "Sabini?”

"Please. Call me Benito." Raising his arm out to shake the foreman’s hand. The foreman looked at it and stood up. 

"What do you need Benito?”

"As your aware I'm the analyst of our division for HARD FIBRES and I can only wonder of the full practicality of the bots and was curious if I could join you and STL in the lower levels as they build our additions?”

"We need you to be available for the incoming data when we start production today." He started to head toward the door out of his office. 

"But sir, I don't get that data for another few hours, I want to be able to see other applications of the FIBRES.” 

"What are you supposed to be doing right now if you don't get to go?” 

"I'm supposed to be running data of future models that the company will be making but I have the reports right here." Looking in my bag and took out a report and handed it to him. He stopped, put on his glasses and briefly looked through the pages of the report. 

"You think we can cut cost out by a third if we add these substitute metals?” 

"It's a theory. I wanted to talk to STL to see if something like that is possible.”

"Can't you just call their office? Just do what you usually do.” 

"But they are here now. It will take days to hear back from them, they are a pretty busy company since the discovery.” 

"I guess." He took his glasses off and grabbed a hard hat that was on a hook. "Grab a hat and be quick, I'm not waiting for you." My body grabbed one and skipped his way through the door. The foreman continued to look through my body's notes and chuckled to himself. "You really outdid yourself Benito. If these projections are true you're going to save the company a lot of money.”

"That's why you hired me sir." My body said. 

"You were going to save us money?”

"No. I'm good with numbers” 

"Right." He laughed. We walked down several steps and then an elevator. We got in and we began to descend. "Here's your report, the science doesn't make sense to me but the numbers do, something I failed in school.”

"Why choose this field then sir?”

"Before you and all this tech got here it was robot arms for heavy lifting, wrenches, and elbow grease.”

"Robot arms? That's tech sir.”

"It was basic. This HARD FIBRE stuff is just confusing.”

"I didn't realize you did most of everything by hand before FIBRES.”

"Wish we still did, a lot of people would still have their jobs." The elevator dinged. "Here we are. Stay close." We walked through several dark corridors and then we stopped. I looked in front of the foreman and he was talking to another guy in a hard hat. "Ok. Then get it done before we do this." We went down into a cramped corridor with several crates that had text that wrote South Tech Laboratories on them. A bunch of men in white coats greeted us. 

"You here to monitor the construction?" One man asked.” 

"Yes. Yes we are.” 

"You ready?" The man asked. The foreman looked back to me, I nodded. 

"Yes.”

"Okay, put on these masks and glasses, it's going to get real dusty. "As he handed us some protection. Other people in lab coats opened up the large boxes and took out a small electronic device from each box and plugged them into a larger electronic device with a screen. One lab coat now had all the devices in one. He started clicking on it and showed it to the foreman. 

"These dimensions look right?

"Yes.”

"And these supports and walks look efficient" the foreman took a minute. 

"Yes.”

"Alright sign here and we will begin." He signed the device and it started to make a whirring. In the boxes you could hear a low hum and a black mass came flying out of the box. "Hold on to your butts."  The device started to beep and let out a high pitched tone. The mass dispersed and went in every direction and before you knew it and several minutes later the corridor was now several times bigger and after the dust cloud faded I noticed the walls were covered in the same material as upstairs and beams to support the weight. 

"There you go, new floor in just a few minutes, look good?" The foreman felt one of the beams holding up the ceiling. 

"Yes. Thank you boys, you're free to go." The lab coats started packing up there equipment and it happened so fast I walked up to the lead lab coat and handed him another report separate from what I handed the foreman. 

"What's this?" Looking through it. 

"I had an idea for a new type of metal, wanted to know what you thought.”

"It'll become brittle and break too easily." He said while handing it back to me.

"Yes, if heat was applied to make it, through the FIBRES no heat is applied keeping the molecular stability to its original level." The lab coat looked through it again. 

"Maybe, try it, test it and if it works then patent it before someone thinks of that idea too." While handing me back the report. 

"Yes sir.”

"Lets go boys." The lab coats picked up their gear and left while the foreman still looked around in the room which was dark but there were some flood lights in the middle of the room that were originally in the corridor. 

"I see this on cars all the time but not on this scale, wow. I never thought this would be possible a decade ago.”

"It's very possible now. Glad I was here to see it, though I've never seen FIBRES take materials before, just place.”

"I guess everything's possible." The foreman said. I myself have wondered behind the science behind these FIBRES and whether if they are responsible for our planet to be stuck in a constant loop. Maybe something wrong happened that somehow destroyed life as we know it. Maybe we're dead just reliving our final moments stuck in a personal hell not knowing what you could change a believe me I tried. I've done anything and everything to regain control of my body but that's the thing. My body is no longer my own so I can't control anything. Like there's some firewall between my thoughts and his thoughts and I wish I could remember at least something before this day but it's been blocked as well. As if I'm a prisoner. My body went back upstairs conversing with the foreman and every single time he calls him by his real name he just corrects him and says "it's the foreman." Something just so cringey to watch every time but I'm doomed to repeat it tomorrow. They part ways and my body goes back to work not knowing what's going through my head after being shut down at work. I wish I could console myself to tell me that everything would be better but I'm just some flaking wallpaper in the back of his mind with no real purpose. 

Hours have now passed and my body has started to work on the incoming numbers from today when my body gets a phone call. It was unexpected to my body but known to me for a long time. 

"Hello?”

"We did the work, its good.”

"What work? What's going on?" My body asked. 

"The foreman noted your looking to make a new metal, we pulled the reports from off your computer and checked it out. It's good with one complication.”

"Explain." My body wasn't sure to be upset or exited. 

"The metal you called...Terium. It's lightweight like you predicted and real tough. We put it in several housings to see how it would withstand pressure and it excelled greater than any known metal, polymer or plastic. It has only one weakness.”

"That is?”

"As you are aware if this was created combining the materials, some very rare and others common and if it was exposed to extreme heat it would become brittle, thats why it has never been done but from what your suggesting if it never gets to a melting point to combine the materials and is made synthetically it would keep its integrity to a fairly hot temperature, in fact if this metal holds up it could be used in space craft and get very close to a star or a hot planet and not melt while keeping a decent temperature inside the spacecraft to keep the occupants very comfortable. You proposed this on what you called, MagCars or Magnetic Vehicles that conducted electricity and magnets to make vehicles float but I think you can take this much higher than what you think.

"I can work on that right now." My body added. 

"That won't be necessary. Your department needs you. Your statistics and your concepts will keep this company flourishing, we will do the rest down here.”

"I would at least like to see it in action.”

"That also won't be necessary, you do you, we will do us. Keep up the good work." There was a silence for a minute then a dial tone. My body never takes this well. He becomes angry but internally. But I can pick up the signs. He gets snappy. Hastens his work. He just wants to get out of here. He looks at the clock on his computer pushing aside all the files that comprised the screen. He could take a early lunch and he does every time. 

Walking home for lunch we take a different path. The words "don't want to deal with that previous crap" utter through his lips and by the time we get home we are exhausted. When we close the door we push our backs up against it going partially limp, falling to the floor from pure exhaustion. My body opens his eyes and sees the door at the end of the hall down the dark hallway. I wish I knew what he was thinking because that would save me from the confusion of what's on the other side of that door but my body just shrugs it off and heads to the kitchen. He opens the fridge to take out some lunch meat and some bread in a container beside the fridge and makes a small sandwich. He briefly looks at the freezer that sits on top of the old refrigerator intently and I can feel him begin to sweat. He quickly finishes the sandwich but hesitates before he leaves the kitchen. I know that there is something in the freezer and there is also something at the end of the hall but I have never seen what was inside. I have never been pleasured by the view since I have been stuck in this loop and with no knowledge of what happened before this loop I could not tell what it could be but I have always had my suspicions.

As my body left the house and approached SansCorp again I thought to myself briefly about how I thought that my body was more than just a logistics and concepts genius at the growing Magcar manufacturing plant owned by SansCorp. I felt that my body was capable of a much different field of work and everything could potentially point towards it but I never see the other side of the fence. They say the grass is always much greener on the other side but I personally felt if I could get a glimpse of the other side of the fence I would be shocked in horror to see what my body was capable of but the fence remained blocking my vision of the other side so one could never truly know what is on the other side, just speculation. I know my body steals a canister of HARD FIBRES at the end of the work day and I know he has some devious plot with them but the question is what? HARD FIBRES or Hartford, Ares, Rylan and Dunwich's Fusion Intelligence that Braids Recluse Elements are simple nanobots that control the atom. From what I understand is that every nanobot contains every element known to man and can create anything if they are told to do so with any material, natural or manmade. With these FIBRES we can create anything we ever dreamed of and costs to build are now virtually inexpensive but there has been a uproar by the people and the government that these HARD FIBRES can create what men have no business in. HARD FIBRES are currently exclusively used for machinery and buildings and nothing else because the likelihood of man is afraid of what can be made by these nanobots and they have the right to be afraid. I have only seen a fraction of what these FIBRES can do and I am scared. I am scared of every single thing these FIBRES can make and the atrocities that limitless power can make. I know my body is up to no good because there could only be one reason to use HARD FIBRES outside of his lab and that’s to make something that is not sanctioned by the government or the labs. 

I contemplate sometimes what my body could be up to and it makes no sense in what he could be making. He’s an engineer he did not help put HARD FIBRES into existence but he knows of their potential and he uses it to his advantage, I know that for a fact. I just don’t know what he would make and all for jeopardizing his position at SansCorp which I feel would be a well sought after position. My body continued to head back to SansCorp brooding about his day possibly thinking what he should do now that he thinks the corporation would not give him credit for his discovery but he has not stolen the HARD FIBRES yet though I’m sure it has occurred to him. Heading down a alleyway right up next to SansCorp my body stops mid stride and stands for a minute. He’s thinking of his next move and if I only knew what it was then I could know what this loop is for but alas, I do not know. 

“What if I used the Terium to...no no. I shouldn’t.” He said aloud. This was where he planned his disbandment of SansCorp for his own gain. The only question was why. Some gears clicked in his head thinking he could do something that the corporations could not and create something that would make him better than the rest. “I’ll do it.” My body walked briskly to SansCorp with full intent knowing his next steps in the great chain and it always ends the same. Now approaching the front doors my body walked into Sanscorp but took a different path. Instead of heading directly to his office he took off to the manufacturing floor which sat on the main level. As my body passed the main desk the secretary called my body’s name. 

“Benito!” My body stopped and sighed knowing that he had been identified. He turned around to face the secretary who was in mid conversation over someone talking to her in her earpiece. “Yes, I’ll tell him.” My body got closer to her. “Benito, your foreman told me that you need to speak to manufacturing and tell them the specifics on your new material, they ran the models but everything seems to—“ She looked down to a note. “Become brittle even though it is made synthetically. Don’t know what that means but I hope it helps.” 

“I’ll head there now.” My body continued to walk to the manufacturing floor but I knew his intention was to keep the secret from them and to take some FIBRES for himself. He approached a electronic door which was sealed with a pass and put a keycard that was attached to his belt and swiped it. The red light on the door turned green and opened making a clicking noise as he walked in. He started walking to the man who seemed to expand on his idea after passing a series of offices and walked onto a manufacturing area where HARD FIBRES made the latest and greatest vehicles for dirt cheep. The man he was looking for sat at a desk with many canisters and little packets of HARD FIBRES were opened and failed to create the new material. The man saw him and waved my body down.

“Benito! Glad you got here. I left a message right before lunch and I guess your foreman just got the message to you, I’m sure you're eager to solve this little conundrum.”

“I am.” My body said.

“You hypothesized that if you made this Terium synthetically without melting down the materials it would maintain its structural stability and resist everything especially heat but as I run the algorithm, something just doesn’t add up. Is there something I’m missing?” The man turned his screen to my body to reveal several chemical bonds and statistics. My body studied it but I could feel the excitement that pulsed through his veins and his faster heartbeat but his emotions did not change. 

“Very peculiar indeed. I’m not sure. Mind if I take some of these packets up to my office to run some tests?” I could tell the other man was conflicted, the HARD FIBRES were not to leave the manufacturing floor but he as well as the entire company was eager to make more money.

“Don’t tell anyone. Heres five. Five trials. Thats all you get. If you can’t get it to work then we do this together.” 

“Thank you.” My body said while taking the small packets full of nanobots. 

“You will also need one of these.” The other man handed him a little tablet that controlled the FIBRES. Just synch it to the packet before you open it or else the nanobots are useless. Five trials. Remember. Don’t tell anyone I gave you these.”

“Noted.” My body said as he felt the weight of the small grey packets that looked at if they held sugar but the weight of them revealed they were something much greater than that. My body turned around to head out of the manufacturing floor and went up to his office where he studied his chemical compositions of Terium to figure out where he went wrong but I know he knew the answer, he just didn’t want to appear that way. The rest of the day was quiet till it was time to pack his things. He packed up a computer bag and put his work computer in it, the tablet, and several packets of HARD FIBRES to meld into whatever purpose that has not been revealed to even me. He took everything from inside his bag to the main floor and broke out in sweat knowing the full implications of if he was caught taking the FIBRES out of the factory. Just as he was about a few feet away from the main door someone called his name. My body stopped and thought of where his life would lead if he was caught. He would be tried and put into jail but how long would a sentence like that be? Until I knew what he was planning on making with the FIBRES I guess the judge and jury would cary out the sentence and the weight of his decisions. He turned around to see the foreman, the last person you would want to see in a situation like this. 

I’m sure my body wondered on how the foreman could pick him out of the crowd. My body bumped shoulders going against the flow of traffic that headed out of the building and headed to the foreman as the foreman looked somewhat upset. My body knew something was up but the question was what.

“I’m disappointed in you.” The foreman said.

“Me? Why?” My body asked nervously. The foreman was silent as he stared at my body intently hoping for my body to sweat it out and think of what my body was doing.

“This Terium of yours. I expected you to come up with a solution to our problem today but I saw no headway on the pursuit of why it doesn’t work. I would like you to think long and hard tonight on what is wrong so I can tell my boss that were about to make him a lot of money. All of this rides on you Benito. Make us proud.” My body was glad that he was not found out but it was a slippery slope from here. If he was to not tell anyone the secret of why Terium wasn’t working properly he was going to be in some serious trouble but my body did not express the ramifications. My body knew exactly what he was going to do but the answer was blocked from me and stuck in a loop. If I only knew. They shook hands and my body went out of the factory leaving the company behind him. As he got an appropriate distance away he looked at the sign of SansCorp in bold red letters on top of the building and muttered.

“Good riddance.” My body was many things but a coward he was not. I feel my body has always ran directly into danger without looking behind his decisions but when he looked back to the SansCorp logo I could feel a sign of regret coming across his face, something I have not seen in previous loops. This loop was different but the answer was why. Everything has always remained the same and as my body headed back home I wondered what could possibly make this loop different from anything else that has happened. Nothing has changed and all that happens from here was a talk to a therapist, dinner and sleep. My body finished the walk home and placed the bag with the HARD FIBRES in the living room—m body was tired yet he was full of energy because he knew what he was going to do. He then walked back to the front door and took his car key from off the keyring beside the door and walked outside to get in his car in which he said “Sanguine”. The car was a deep dark red almost like blood and I could feel my body smirk. He either liked the car or he liked the color and it could very well be either but my bet was on the color. Sanguine. What was the meaning of it?

My body got in the car and started it up as the engine began to whir quietly. My body shifted the vehicle into reverse and began to head towards the therapists office. From what I understand the therapist has offered quite a good deal with my body. I could tell there are many problems mentally and the fact that his mind has been fractured into at least two parts is evident of psychological trauma but the question was from what. I couldn’t hear his conscious thoughts—the very things that make him tick—but I was pretty sure that I was his conscious if that was such a thing in his mind. As far as I knew I could be something completely different and without any knowledge outside this loop I could never be certain. My body turned onto another street and headed on a highway. The therapist was across town but she must be worth it if he would drive across town to see her and I was sure there was someone much closer for him to walk but it is what it is. My body turned on some rock music and started to blare it. It vibrated the windows with the heavy sounding bass and drums as the guitar clashed with the lyrics he started to sing along to it and I couldn’t but help but think the lyrics applied to his current situation to the fullest degree.  

“Ceramics and feathers, waiting for the weather to shine. Oh shine! I seem to relay, all of the beacons,  I once let go.” Then the chorus came in. “Tomorrow I will loose my head, tomorrow I will loose my head, tomorrow I will loose my head, tomorrow I will loose my head!” My body hit the top of the driving wheel and yelled along with the song showing the true emotion behind the song and how my body felt about it. Several other songs came on talking about coping with mental illness. Some real heavy to screaming lyrics to other slow acoustic songs that talked about the singers fracture ego. My body new every word to every song that came on as every song came booming through the speakers of the car. Soon my body approached the therapists office and a slow song was on. As he pulled into the parking lot he began to cry stating; "This is not what I asked for, let me try again. If the chance came before me, I would do it again.” The song ended with various acoustic guitars being fingerpicked into such a beautiful melody I knew that this was the end to the loop and my body knew it but I thought that at this point of the story many times in the past. Then my body said something that he has never said before. “This is the beginning of the end my friend.” It caught me off guard because other than slight cues that simply changed this one was deliberate. The loop was the same and he acted the same in every loop but somehow I knew that he has been conscious for the whole thing and he knew he was in a loop but never said anything new or changed his routine. He was hiding something from the spectator and the spectator was me. If I could not hear his thoughts could he hear mine? Was there something here like a one way mirror in which he has been starring at me and I had no idea that the events that have been looping. It was probably his intention to block my memories as well but I was dumbfounded that this was happening.

My body got out of the car and walked to the medical offices that looked fairly similar to a regular house. Most areas of the city were closed at this time of day and as my body looked up to see the many stars in the sky he knew that there was much more out there then just us but he had to do everything one step at a time and today was the beginning of the end but to what point? The end of the world? The end of his life? The end of me? Only time could tell and if a mere thought could sweat I would. I would be sweating bullets and use those very bullets to protect myself in the storm that was soon to come my direction. I tried to calm myself down as my body walked inside the therapists office and greeted the secretary. Everything happened like days in the past but how would all this play out?

“Hello Benito.” She would say.

“Hello Doctor James.” He would respond. He would sit on the dark couch as the doctor would look across at him from across the room from behind her desk.

“How has you week been?” 

“Conflicting.”

“Oh? How so?”

“I did what you told me to do. To apologize for what I did, they didn’t respond to me.”

“No? So enlighten me Benito, Why are you trying to make amends with these so called strangers? It would make sense to me if you knew them better, why complete strangers that would most likely never meet you again if you never sought them out?”

“Because I did wrong to them.” Benito would said quietly.

“What kind of wrong Benito? You never told me what you did.”

“This isn't what I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.”

“Okay Benito, its your session. What did you want to talk about?” 

“I think I’m going to quit my job.”

“Why? Isn’t this your dream job, working with these HARD FIBRES?”

“Yes it is and my next job will still be with the HARD FIBRES just independently.”

“Aren't HARD FIBRES regulated by the government? How would you work on them independently.”

“I’ve worked out a deal with the company, I can work at home with my own experiments but have to stay in manufacturing.”

“Will you?” The Doctor James would feel that he was lying.

“Listen. I’m not going to be jobless and if I have to start my own company to do what I truly want to do then I will.”

“But why? Why cant you innovate at the generous SansCorp?”

“Its not what I want to do.”

“What do you want to do then?”

“Building vehicles is nice and all but I want to build something that I cant do at SansCorp.”

“That is?” She would raise her eyebrows in skepticism.  

“I can’t say. I need to try it first.” 

“Well let me know when you do. I’m eager to find out what you end up doing.” My body would look at the clock on the wall behind the therapist. 

“I know we haven’t had a very long session but I am very eager to get everything started.” 

“No worries. I’ll only bill for a quarter of the time.” My body would leave the therapists and go home to eat dinner then go to bed but one thing doesn’t make sense. If he was so eager to leave the therapists to get some work done, then why didn’t he do anything when he did get home? Nothing made sense to me but I guess we will see when the time comes. My body waited patiently in the waiting room to be called in and in a few minutes time he was called in and sat on the same chair he always does but something was different. The mood in the room was tense as if a conversation had taken place that I was unaware of. The room was the same full of wooden tables, pictures of landscapes and couches that made the room a safe space to talk in.  

“Hello Benito.” The therapist said 

“Hello Doctor James.” My body responded. The words were the same but I still felt out of place. 

“How has your week been?” My body readjusted himself in the chair and leaned forward.  

“It’s done.” I knew it. Something about this loop was different. It was the beginning of the end. “I have enough materials for the project, I can end the sequence.” 

“Do you want me to reestablish your mind? I’m sure it has many questions.” I did.  

“Do it.” My body said. Doctor James got got out of her seat and went out of the office. My body waited impatiently in his chair and within the minute I could hear a squeak getting closer to the door. Soon a cart rolled in with a lot of tech on it. She pulled it beside my body and flipped a switch in which it made a sound of initializing power. She took out a object that looked like it would fit on my body’s head and it did. She placed this clear looking object that had many wires on it on my head and it was a perfect fit.  

“Lay down Benito.” She said and my body did so. She placed many suction cups on my face and neck and I could feel they stung a little as my body winced as they latched onto my body’s skin. “How do you want it to reestablish? Do you wish to give it your memories or do you want it to communicate to you or both?” 

“Just communicate. I don’t want it to know what I’ve done just yet.” I was fearful for what was happening. How could a mind get fractured then repaired again and for what reason? 

“Just want you to know since your mind has been a separate entity in your mind for so long it may take a while for everything to work to its fullest capacity and even with that said this is like putting a bandaid on your mind. The cut is still underneath and it will scar, it will never be the same but you will be whole again. Also because of…the…entity, your mind still won’t have control over your body ” 

“I’m ready.”  

“Put this in your mouth and bite down firmly.” She said as she handed my body something that resembled a crude stick but it looked sturdy. My body put it in his mouth and closed his eyes. Just within a instant Doctor James flipped a switch and a electric shock went through my body’s body. Everything convulsed as many thoughts went through our head. Many voices and many images went across my vision but too quick to get a good glimpse and soon everything sat still in my mind as if the device was fast forwarding through the previous memories and stopped after it passed them. I looked at a image of something that resembled a human skeleton but something was off about it. It was not human but it resembled what I would assume to be human but modeled to be something else of its entirety. It sat in a cold dark room and it appeared lifeless. My body opened his eyes again to see the doctor looking at a screen that was on the cart.  

“Is it done?” My body asked. 


“Its done.” She responded   











Remember me

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