The Bridge, My Mind, The Illness, The Lies

So ill's a bridge,

lost my thoughts of dancing today.

So ills the crumbling bridge,

The rivers so cold.

I sat aside 

some little foundry

I’ve seen it a hundred times.

So ill's a bridge,

I lose myself,

from time to time.

Crossing the bridge,

forgot my thoughts of wanting you today now.

Just another crumbling bridge,

I feel so ill.

Is it loneliness? 

Or is it waiting? 

Am I alive?

Is it friendship?

Or is it greedy?

Am I alive?

Am I alive? Am I alive? Or is this pity?

Am I alive? Am I alive? I am guilty.

Am I alive? Am I alive? Will I lie?

No, no not at all. 

No, no not at all.

I have seen it turn to dust,

then floating through the wind. 

Still it runs through my veins now, 

again.

There’s blood on the ground. 

Hearts made out of stone

Lies under our skin. 

Everyone of us.

We kill ourselves.

Then we kill our friends.

We loose everything

Oh no,

I did it again.

just sweet irony,

swept under the bridge.

Oh no,

I did it again.

I thought of you,

but more than a friend.

One of us is falling down now and falling apart.

I should have realized this from the very start.

One of us is falling down now and falling apart.

I should have realized this from the very start.

Am I alive? Am I alive? Am I alive?

Or is this wasted?

Am I alive? Am I alive? Am I alive?

Am I selfish?

Am I alive? Am I alive? Am I alive? 

Will I lie? Not at all.

No, no not at all.

No, no not at all.

I have seen it turn to dust,

then floating through the wind. 

Still it runs through my veins now, 

again.

Remember this time, because I am alive.

Hold it to your chest, till the day you die. 

Are we speaking lies and sending home goodbyes?

No, no not at all.

No, no not at all.

No, no not at all.

Not at all.

Bloody footprints in the water.

Gaps of reality is old and grey,

Watch, wait, crush and push.

So I cut it apart, then threw it away.

Am I alive? Am I alive? Am I alive?

Or is this wretched?

Am I alive? Am I alive? Am I alive?

It’s all expanding

Am I alive? Am I alive? Am I alive? 

No, no not at all.

No, no not at all.

I have seen it turn to dust,

then floating through the wind. 

Still it runs through my veins now, 

again.

I have seen it turn to dust,

then floating through the wind. 

Still it runs through my veins now, 

again.

Remember me

Anxiety Anxiety!

I lived a life from crib to coffin,

it will be the first and last time I swear.

You made me regret my thoughts for you,

you make me hate that I'm here.

Just play those games with my sick mind,

lets see how far you will go.

But this mind is that’s all left of me,

if rattles through my bones.

I tried to stay in front of you,

but your pity led your mind.

You told of the bad times, 

in your life you left behind.

Just some petty faction,

that will never ever turn.

You say that you are so lost,

but its me that you want to hurt.

In the midst of this argument,

I have fighting in my mind.

I loose my grip of reality,

and I stay there for a while.

So fuck this situation,

and fuck your hidden screams.

You're just some little masochist, 

who will get all your needs.

I thought this was a mystery,

but the truth in my sight.

You just love to lead me on,

like a lamb in the night.

You receive the things you wanted

as I rummage through the dirt.

My bloody nails are falling off,

you take my only shirt.

So if the compliments were liars,

I am bathing in my blood.

You threw what you knew of me,

in my face full of mud.

I have relapse in the distance,

they tell me of days that were fine.

I'm sure I lost the battle,

and the wars already won.

I call it anxiety anxiety,

but you never really knew.

I think of what will happen,

every second I spend away from you. 

I said it would be the first time

but I really do feel dead.

As I wash the blood off,

I can feel you through my veins,

I can feel you through my veins.

I'll start again to break the heart.

Change my name to change the world.

I'll set aside all our hopes and dreams,

so I can rip everything in two.

Remember me

A Thought Of You.

I love you.

Then I don't.

I remember a long time ago in which I had a sound mind.

I thought I had it bad then. 

Then some freak accident happens to me.

At lest that's how I feel.

I've never been the same since.

Each day gets worse than the one before.

I can't see any form of paradise in my view. 

No Garden of Eden. 

No golden cities.

Just an island inhabited by cannibals,

they eat through my flesh every night.

I hope it tastes good to them.

It does to me.

But.

Every so often I get that glimpse of peace.

I find it in the most beautiful women,

But they never stay around me. 

They offer me a drink from their vial,

just to keep it away from my sight.

I only can feel vile.

Some sick fucking game.

Then.

The paranoia gets the best of me.

I guess that's why I can't stand a sound second. 

'They are laughing behind your back.'

'They haven't spoken a good word about you.'

'No one cares about you.'

'You are a waste of skin.'

I freak out.

I lash my tongue at them.

All because of a thought.

Then I grow myself away.

Sometimes a day.

Others a week.

I torture myself with silence.

Sometimes

I hear the voices.

They tell me to kill myself.

They tell me to kill others.

They tell me to smile at my own blood.

I pace in motion.

I see things waving at me.

I talk to them.

Then I shake their hand.

I really do.

It feels great in a sick way.

I'm sure I've killed you several times.

Some may have been swift.

Others I may have made you feel it.

The voices greet me.

They say I did something right.

Try and fight it.

But I only,

try to forget about you.

Erase all my feelings.

Forget all my thoughts.

Just so you can start again.

So I can start again. 

I purge my mind so I don't have to remember my pain.

So I can feel it perfectly when it comes back. 

You whisper in my ear.

But in the end.

I just forget love.

I hate to say it,

but I do.

This can happen in the worst of times.

While you’re away.

While I'm with you,

You can see it when it happens.

I can only.

Get distracted.

I tone out of the real world.

I say it's nothing,

but it's really causing a serious pain.

Not much you can do.

Maybe just wait.

Wait and watch.

And by the time it's over,

all you can do is hold me,

and make sure I won't forget.

I hope you will do your best to try to save me.

Remember me

Listening For That Sweet Tune-Chapter 10: The End Of Days Pt. 2

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Chapter 1: A Simple Beginning

Previously on Listening For That Sweet Tune:

Chapter 10: The End Of Days Pt. 1

How many times do you need to wish you were dead, to bash your head into the wall, and wait for that sweet tune till you realize that by the first time you did it, you already died? I didn't know where I was now, everything looked liquid-like the walls around me oozed with some thick substance. This liquid was black and if anything could be darker it would be this. It shined with every single inch of length it traveled yet it consumed all light that touched it.

They say that black is the absence of colour and normally I would agree but something was strange with this. As the black rolled off the walls and onto the ground it left something like a rust look behind it. I grew closer to get a better look and it wasn't just a look of rust but everything was rotting out like the black was acid but it wasn't. I woke up in this mess and it just simply rolled off of my face and fingertips like it turned into an entirely different consistency. It was eating through everything other than myself and the clothes on my back—it knew me. 

There had to be some form of intelligence within this mess because nothing could be as selective as it was.      Before I knew it, the black formed around a doorway to show a long and narrow stairway. I was now ankle deep in this odd viscous material and the stairs appeared to be clean—though full of rust. The material didn't want me to leave, as I lifted my feet up everything stuck trying to weigh my feet down but I continued forward hoping that there would be a light at the end of the hall. On my last few steps I loosened my shoes and jumped up onto the metal stairs bare footed. I looked back to the substance to see it tearing my shoes apart into pieces.

I sat only just a few more steps up while looking back to the room. It was attracted to me somehow. The liquid moved like the room was tilted forward towards me. Everything I saw in the room previously shifted towards me and began to move towards me. I backed up a little hoping that it was only going to move a little but it continued to follow me and flowed over the stairs; a form of attraction—like I was its host. I didn't want this thing near me—the second I thought that the black grew angry.

A loud animalistic scream echoed through the hall. It sounded that of a woman but sounds of a lion or even a bear as well joined with the chorus. My body became overcome by fear and I started to scramble up the stairs to get away from whatever the black was. I didn't turn my head to look back until about a minute, till I was sure that I had a good distance on it but when I looked back it was the exact opposite. It looked as if I had not moved a single inch but I knew I had. The black continued to flow over the next few steps and I backed up but still looking at the black.

Not only was the black moving towards me but also the entire room was making it look like I haven't moved a single inch. I continued this for another minute or so but as soon as I looked up the stairwell, no exit could be seen. I stood and held my ground waiting for the black to overtake me and with time it did.

As it reached me it latched around my feet and crawled up my leg but I felt no pain not even cold—it just seemed so normal. All of my fears were wiped away and before I knew it I was standing in the room once more. Everything continued to move up taking my waist and then my arms. I could of still moved but it was desperation that kept me still. I couldn't get out of this mess so the only logical thing I could have done was to give in. I woke up yet again in the same place as I did before but no black consumed the walls or floor.

Everything sat an illuminated white and various pictures laid on the walls of the room. Some of them were familiar because they were places I had been. This tower, the apartment, an empty alley but the others I had seen nothing like before. A lighthouse, a red door, a large concrete building in the midst of overgrown debris, a ship, another city along the coast. Everything seemed familiar yet unknown to me in every way—I felt like this has been done before. The stairway was still in the very spot as it was before but now there was a great light at the end of the tunnel. I looked behind me again to make sure there was no black, none could be seen.

Up next in Listening For That Sweet Tune:

Chapter 10: The End Of Days Pt. 3

Remember me