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Wednesday, July 13, 2011


Everybody has some dose of paranoia, 

Whether it be "I think someone is watching me" or a suspicion that a significant other MAY be seeing another. Either way it runs naturally through every persons blood, now im going to cut to the chase.

As much I would like to keep my personal,personal life out of the open, I feel inclined to talk about me and my high case of paranoia.

Simple enough, its out in the open. Im paranoid all the time. I always think im being watched, that microphones are tapped and video cameras are wired, all around me. But there is a difference of a dysfunctional form of paranoia and a controllable paranoia.

The dysfunctional is the ones you see scratching at their skin believing anything is possible, that have the hardest time in life. I hate to sound judgmental but I feel these are the weak of mind but I wouldnt say that they are actually lacking IQ. They are the ones--just staying in the realm of paranoia--that have to obtain antipsychotic drugs to maintain a grip to reality, before I step further lets see the other side.

Controllable paranoia is exactly as it sounds. You have the same symptoms but how it is treated is a little bit different. You have the common sense that even though you firmly believe that someone is watching you, you ignore the fact thats in your mind and you believe what you dont believe. 

So you sit in your room and you get that feeling that someone is behind you or peeking through the door and what do you do? You can check but the key is to check your surroundings. If you are truly paranoid, you know if someone is in your house, you know if your door is locked and you know when someone is driving down your block--welcome to my life. Do you check? I dont. Even though every gut tells me that something is watching, listening, going to happen, is happening right now, I still dont. 

I can say that I trained myself in the ancient mountains of Zabala and I gained wisdom from eating the root of a old...stick. But im not gloating in wisdom or anything. I just know the statistics and common sense. 

When does the ignoring and actually not accepting danger actually occur? No one can say. the fact that something is a statistic or is known to your mind, is because it ACTUALLY HAPPENS. Believe it or not but if it exists then it EXISTS. You could be in this next minute, become a statistic of rape, murder, suicide, freak accidents, or even divorce but more times than not, it doesnt "just happen".

Sometimes you are so in denial, you ignore your instincts and you ignore what you actually believe that is fact and you accept the non-reality that you created to cope with what you thought wasnt real. 

I knew someone that had this instance. His significant other was also seeing someone else other than him. He felt that she wasnt faithful but knowing that he is paranoid he disproved all that was fact and believed his own reality that he made for himself. He never did believe his gut until all was shown to him. What happened to this couple? History is still to tell, but when you achieve such a blow to your beliefs and what was truth, it destroys your vision. Everything turns upside down and you cant believe anything that stands before you. Everybody's word that was once known as truth becomes lies. You still struggle to move forward, but you dont even believe that forward is the right direction anymore and all you can believe is what you still believe. 

That everyone lies, everyone is human, everyone hides and everyone can change.

Remember me

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