Life sometimes changes for the worst or the better. It doesn't matter which other than the fact it changes. I've lived a whole life scared of the unknown not knowing that the unknown itself was what I was scared of. Unknowing the unknown unwillingly.
But this is what I do know. It’s been a while since I looked in the mirror and looked at myself and truly questioned myself. Why am I this way? So I did just that. I looked at myself and acknowledged my crooked smile and my fractured state of mind. I wish I was healthy both mentally and physically and I couldn’t help but think that does anyone? I doubt I am alone but maybe everyone has this realization. Maybe everyone is afraid to look at themselves in the mirror and no I am not talking about that look you give yourself as you wash your hands. To truly look through the skin and the hair and wonder what makes you, well you.
I was drunk one night and this has been something I have been doing less and less as I get older. I looked at myself in the mirror and I didn't quite know what it was but something was off. I looked no less than I do currently—sober—yet something was uncomforting about my appearance. I looked closely to my face and I could visually see that I was numb though I looked exactly the same as I do everyday. I looked into my soul and I realized that this is in fact what I didn't want to be. I felt uncomfortable in my shoes on how I looked at myself and I felt ashamed at what I had done. I saw the true me. Trying to keep the demons at bay by self medicating through alcohol. I was alone when I looked at myself and I told myself that if I was to drink again, I would not do it to numb my senses to keep my overbearing thoughts away but to have fun and bond with my friends.
Drinking alone ruins you. Drinking to feel less will destroy you. Drinking to run away from something will demolish you. Pick up a new habit but always acknowledge that when you replace a addiction, it gets replaced with another. Theres things we like and things we don't like. Do the things you like that wont destroy you or make you depressed when you look at yourself.
When I started this blog I didn't like who I was. You could see it in my writing but I kept writing. It made me feel good. People read my thoughts and they liked them. They complimented my poetry or my writing and thats why I came back. I was lost chasing other things that didn't really matter to me. Writing poetry. Writing music. Drawing, taking pictures. Art. Thats how I express myself and I don't have to do it drunk or stoned or any other way that involves a unclear mind. When you see someones release, compliment it. Comment or like it or whatever you want to do to give acknowledgment to the creator. “This got me through a hard time and you made me see the light.” This is what I want to see. I would like my followers to vocalize their likes and dislikes more. Do it on my blog if you have to. My blog still has room to grow and if it involves people becoming the best human they can be, then do it.
My name is Corey Rhodes and I want to change the world.
Remember me
No comments:
Post a Comment