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Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Amicus Est Tanquam Alter Idem Pt. 3





Spit 


by Kira Shanel 


In my face,
leaving a reflective line.
Words streaking.
Words peaking.
Of your hate for me.
It’s tainted with bitterness.
Its tainted with your slime.
Harmful on your time.
Each word of hate,
leaves our spit trail.
Your filth, your nastiness.
Burning like alcohol you've consumed.
Keep spiting my dear mother,
breath reeking with alcohol.
Spit at me!
Then crawl down the hall.
I'll stand there,
to let your spit drip down and off my face.
No center.
So hollow is your chest.
How can you love me?
Mother.
A stepmother.
Nothing.
Empty and full of spit.
















Remember them



Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Threatening My Sanity On The Edge Of The World

I've been threatening myself with my own sanity.

Hoping that I can hold on, 

tighter, longer,

but I cant.

I have been alone all this time. 

Its time for something new.

I think I will have to reach,

someone at least.

Before its to late,

before I loose it.

I've been in this dark house for to long,

breath is running thin for faith.

I'm tired of trusting all my friends,

they don't get me,

they wont try.

Maybe I wont let them,

there already left behind.

I cut out my heart.

Gave them pieces to pass around,

I dont need it anymore.

Someone can help me, 

if they come quick.

I could just be a little sick.

I dont believe in trust,

maybe everything else ahead.

Will someone reach for me,

when I'm close to the edge?


















Remember me

Monday, March 5, 2012

The Child: Entry 18



STOP
Have you read the preceding chapters?
If not then read it from the beginning
or
Read the preceding chapter...



The Beginning:



Previously on The Child:



The next events were presented in a very peculiar way; as it seemed to me, everything was waiting for me but as I am not who I am.  Ville got up leaving an exhausted grunt every inch till he stood up straight. I was fixed on the cube, just looking at it made a feeling rise up from my inner body. He walked in front of me and looked down while offering his hand, when I looked up to him his face changed from a delightful grin to, something else. I didn't really know what he saw in me at that moment but neither did I for him.

'What’s wrong?' he asked. I shifted my gaze off his eyes and looked at the floor.

'I, I don't know, it feels like something is crawling inside of me, making a home but I don't know what it is.'

'Is it an actual physical feeling or is it just a weird thought?' Ville asked. I closed my eyes and started to listen and think for an actual feeling--as if I was waiting for my brain to tell me the answer.

'Both.' I said. 'But it's in my brain. It's like something is crawling in my head trying to change my emotional well being.'

'I understand.' Ville replied. 'I've had that feeling before and something needs to be done about it. We need to go, we need to leave this place before it is to late.'

'For what?' I asked

'We are going somewhere, a place that you have never seen like it before, I am sure of it.' I didn't really know what else I was going to do here. I loved the people here so much but regardless of how much the people loved me, there is a black label over my name and I will never be looked at the same way again through the eyes of these inhabitants. I don't know what is worse, having no family or having one turn against you, I think I would have been just fine not knowing how a normal family works—I would rather be left alone. Ville looked down to see everyone that was around the alter, he sighed for a bit then he looked at me.

'I knew those two men who were used as sacrifices, I have known them for a long time, such a shame.' As I was getting back to my feet I was curious what he meant. From my impression, the two men didn't offer themselves up for a sacrifice, this was forced, which means that they weren't friends to The Family and if Ville knew them, maybe he isn't what he always led to be. I kept this to myself so I could ponder it just a bit longer before asking questions to Ville. I was also curious about the people down there but not the sacrifices but the members who participated. Anastasius didn't seem like a person to participate nor did everyone else that believed I was innocent but is this a second side? I wasn't going to check who was all there but the curiosity remained. 

I turned around to look at the box and something seemed different about it—just the angle if how I was looking at it now I guess—but I knew that we were leaving and I wasn't sure how long it will be till the people woke up so I started to head towards the box. I was curious on why its name was the same as my last but knowing the role that I am playing now, I’m sure its light would be shed on me in time. Ville started to pay his attention to me as I was walking forward and then followed me just a few seconds behind. 

You wouldn't expect that it would be hard to walk down a hallway but the box seemed to disagree with that thought. I felt something of a resistance in the air pushing me back as I was pushing forward as if a strong gust of wind then the atmosphere changed. It started to grow colder each and every step I took closer. I looked back to ask Ville if he was feeling anything too but he was gone, just like that with no trace in sight. I turned back to look at the box and everything changed around me. I was on top of a mountain but the box was still in sight. Snow thrashed everywhere and my feet got really cold, it was lifelike it seemed like I really was on top of a mountain and not just seeing things. 

Edges of the cliff were very close to me on either side but as I looked down to my left I could see a village in the midst of the clouds and snow. I looked back at the box and then I realized it was now on a podium being surrounded by water. I looked around me and I was waist deep in water. I was in a river, going against the current with trees all around me—the place seemed like a swamp. Looking around me I saw a young woman on a boat weeping, while looking back to the box it appeared that it was even further away than before. I saw everything change, the water levels went down, the podium disappear and the environment around me dissolved into a plain. Old buildings scattered around the horizon but the box was just a few feet from me now. The sun went down and it got incredibly dark with no light in sight. Everything cleared up seconds after to place me back in Solitary but looking around—as I have done many times before—I saw strange shapes and people floating through the other hallways following me.

One stood out from the rest and she was to my left, floating above everything but along my side on the other side of the wall. She was the only one that wasn't looking at me but she was the most interesting wearing a dark blue dress and some black overcoat with a hood that was covering up a little of her face. She was crying looking down at something in her hands but I couldn't make out what it was but before I knew it I heard a loud bang, she turned around, I turned around with her and she disappeared Ville was behind me again and he looked at me as if I was here all along.

When I turned back around the box was at my feet—being about the size of my feet like a little music box. It was in an octagonal shape, which was different than before because it was a hexagonal during the sacrifice. No gears were moving within it, I bent over and picked it up and it was heavier then anyone would expect it to be. Looking in more detail I saw that it was made entirely out of metal and what seemed like silver and a black metal. It was strange but it seemed all too familiar at the same time.           


Next entry in The Child:










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Saturday, March 3, 2012

Listening For That Sweet Tune-Chapter 19: Lucid Dreams Pt. 2-They Call Him Anathema

     

STOP
Have you read the preceding chapters?
If not then read it from the beginning
or
Read the preceding chapter...



Go to the beginning:


Previously on Listening For That Sweet Tune:


     I woke up not where I fell but a place that was familiar. I was in the larger room with French doors right across the hallway as what I could tell but the circumstance wasn't consensual. The room was dark like the others but a red glow flooded the room around me and the figures in the room could only look frightening. Where I woke up was in a rather large rectangular glass box—not tall enough to stand in but long enough for me to lie down and have an extra foot of room. It felt like a coffin and really that was what it seemed like. It was like a oversized coffin made out of glass so when you get placed underground you can see the dirt fall on top of you making your tomb and worms crawling against the glass just waiting for you to die so they can squeeze themselves into you.

I couldn't see any holes for breathing anywhere on the glass so—my time was limited. One could only wonder who placed me here and what was there intent but if you were in a sealed box, anyone would try to get out first. Examining the corners of the box there was a metallic plating reinforcing any easy breaking points within the box but that never stopped anybody. I lifted one of my legs, getting ready to smash the glass and a noise from underneath me grumbled. Looking over on the sides of the box I was in I noticed that where I was up higher than the floor was and that something was underneath me. I started to get light headed and I felt this big atrophy pulsing through my limbs like my life was being sucked out of me. A high-pitched screech sounded from all around me, it wasn't unbearable but it was to the point of trying to see if your ears were plugged. 

The object from underneath my coffin started to rattle and shake just slightly enough to get my attention. I was waiting for it, I sat there just staring at the ground, ready to see what was going to come before me but the conditions continued to get worse. Looking around the room I could see silhouettes of movement all around but I couldn't tell what or who they were. Whatever was happening was affecting all of my senses, I could only start to feel a heaviness in each and every breath and the bloods taste on my tongue started to taste sour like it was getting spoiled at the minutes past. Seconds after though, everything came to a halt except for the screeching ringing in my ears and as before in the past, it only became progressively worse. 

The high pitched screech sounded like it went up another octave just to make the sound more unbearable but it still was somewhat tolerable. Then that stopped to creating no sound around me other than my own lungs gasping for more oxygen. A loud thump came up from behind me hitting the glass, I jumped and turned as quickly as I could but I saw nothing. Then another just out of my range of sight, then another. I closed my eyes just to listen to several bangs on the glass all around me, I didn't know what was happening around me but it needed to stop. The screech came back again making me cringe in the fetal position covering my ears and for I second I peaked to look and see what was around me.

Those with eyes, piercing watching eyes, taking away my soul with each and every look they gave to me. Those hands, those eyes. Bloody hands were covering the box around me with pupils just crawling out of the skin to look at the show before them. I started to breathe faster and with each and every breath the box got smaller enclosing me in an even smaller prison up to the point that I had to be in the fetal position in order to survive in the space. The screech got louder and I could start to feel blood come from my ears again and it continued to grow louder making my brain rattle and bleed even more. I could taste my blood crawling down my throat and running through my nose and it became so painful I could feel tears come out of my eyes. I wiped my face just under my eyes and I noticed that what I thought was tears were far from it, pain came from every direction. 

I looked up to all the hands with their gaze focused on me. Some were missing fingers, others were cut up and some even had their eyes missing just leaving me to look into their empty sockets flowing with blood. While looking at all of the hands around me I noticed one that stood out from the rest. No marks were on this one, not even a drop of blood—which was a rare sight to see nowadays. I looked at this one intently and a slit began to tear from one side of the palm to the other and opened up to quite a sight. As it opened wider a pearly white stood out from the tearing muscles around it to soon show this mouth with small sharp teeth. The mouth started to stretch its jaw and the most crooked disgusting mouth began to smile at me, mouth wide open with big gaps between all teeth, horizontally and vertically. The mouth was way to big for the teeth the thing had and blood dripped down and around from its teeth—I guess that what drew tingles down my spine. 

'Anathema senses you find my house not so fitting.' the hand spoke in a deep raspy tone. Everything grew quiet and calm around me but the eyes, they still peered right through me.
      
'Why you not understand what life can be? Anathema finds this very accepting.' this was an interesting moment. I tried to arrange everything in my head enough for me to comprehend everything that was going on.

'Why does Anathema act like this towards his guests?' I asked.

'Understanding.' it said slowly while smiling. 'Anathema only wants you to understand. To no longer to become immune to what you want to see.'

'What are you Anathema?' I asked.

'Understanding, you want to understand but chaos is peace. That to every road there is a end and one cannot be a individual thing.' I was able to shift my body to sit with my legs were crossed but I had to lean forward due to the lack of space. 

'What is up in the lighthouse Anathema? Did you want me to be here?' Anathema smiled.

'Anathema wanted to give you a home, to help you understand. You have a long road ahead of you. Look for a mute, she will help you understand.' I was about to ask another question but the hands pushed off of the glass to reveal the dark room around me again except this time there was no light other than above me.

There was a chandelier hanging directly above the box and as soon as I could get a glimpse on what was on it, the ropes supporting it up snapped one after another then falling down towards me. I twisted around as fast as I could to get back into the fetal position as the chandelier crashed on top of me breaking the glass around me. I threw my hands over my head and closed my eyes to prevent any glass to hit my face but after the crash, I felt nothing and heard nothing more. Opening my eyes light from outside flooded into the room and everything was clean and normal. I breathed in to finally get a good breath of fresh air and in the distance I could hear an orchestra playing.    

Up next for Listening For That Sweet Tune:

Listening For That Sweet Tune-Chapter 19: Lucid Dreams Pt. 1-It Started With One




STOP
Have you read the preceding chapters?
If not then read it from the beginning
or
Read the preceding chapter...



Go to the beginning:



Previously on Listening For That Sweet Tune:



I had the most strange dream while I was laying with my fellow patrons and friends. I was in a building much like this very one I was before but many of the walls were made of glass and strange shards of metal. I was blinded by many lights upon entering this building and everything was the cleanest white I have ever seen. To my right and left were several doors leading down other hallways and a desk sat in front of me. A man was sitting as his desk reading some ragged book that has been through many long years still managing to survive the conditions—the man looked rather plain.  Round small face, round small glasses that match that face, a rather small stature and balding. He looked up from his book to give me some attention.

'Are you checking in today?' he said in a rather sweet tone.

'No.' I responded, 'then again what would one be checking in for?'

'Your treatment sir, you look rather quite sick.' The man said as happy as he could.

'I don't feel sick.' I responded'

'Oh? But you are! You are so pale I almost didn't see you in all your glory within this room. You look rather sick, we must help you, we feel that it is our duty to make you feel better.' Before I knew it several men dressed in tidy white shirts and black slacks gathered around me in a semi crouched pose, as if they were ready for something big to happen. I looked over my shoulder, turned around and tried to explain to the men around me that this wasn't necessary. The man at the desk started to explain that I had to go with them for my treatment and that it was pertinent for me to have a functional life. All the men then jumped on top of me each holding onto all my limbs, I wasn't struggling yet but I noticed that another man came out from another door with a rolling chair like straight jacket—like I was some kind of hazard. I didn't want to be here but obviously they wanted me to stay so I gave them what they wanted. 

I thrashed and screamed and used the vilest words concerning their mothers just to get them all riled up. I kicked at the men at my feet loosening their grip and upon extending my legs forward I hit one of the men in the nose. His nose started to bleed quite profusely which surprised me quite much due to the fact I didn't kick rather hard at all. It was the blood that started everything; as soon as I saw that sweet red substance I started to crave for more. This is when I became self aware of where I was and what was happening, lucid dreaming.

I realized I was dreaming—though that is the first thing to know about lucid dreaming—and then I remembered where I was and what happened before I fell to the ground and then the taste. I was curious but that always is the first step to head down a twisted spiral. Since I was able to shake off one off of my leg I started to shake my arms but the men had them down very firmly but looking up to them they were focused on my arms, too focused. They lost a sense of where they were so much, which they were leaning in towards me and that’s where I struck. The man to my upper right got the worst, I used my momentum to push myself forward and the man didn't know what hit him—or bit him to that matter. I plunged to the side of his face and I got a clean chunk of the man’s face, his cheek to be exact. He screamed in so much pain and rolled on the floor and I just chewed on what I had.

Now that I think of it, I don't think I have tried raw food before but I regret it now, though I was just dreaming I got this sweet meaty taste on my tongue and I craved it like one does to a cow or chicken. It was insane looking back at it now but that was the moment. I had free limbs, so I used my hand to grab the other man that had a grip on my left hand and I bit the right side of his neck straight off. I lost the grip of the other man on my leg by now and bite after bite this adrenaline was pulsing through my veins—a great drug might I add. I looked up to see if the other men were around but they ran away, and the wheel chair was just rolling on its own. The man I kicked ran off but a blood trail followed with his steps and as for the man lacking a face, he was lying with his hands covering his sight rocking back and forth with pain. Blood dripped from my chin and I'm sure I looked like some predatory animal but this was only a dream and if they just decided to leave me be, the taste of blood wouldn't have been so sweet.

I could feel the world collapse and shake around me but I couldn't see anything just yet. The man that was bit on the face had a cane of some sort around his belt I took it out from under him and I tapped him a few times with my foot to see if he would respond but he didn't. Things around me started to change shape and fall in different directions of some sort so I made things quick. I lifted the cane I had and I beat the man’s face in repeatedly, I wanted to see something. After ruining every feature in his face I crouched down to look at him at his own level, putting my hand on his chin I looked at both sides of his face a few times. I was thinking of Moony, I wanted to know if I did anything wrong towards her but nothing seemed the same on what I saw on her. She—though mutilated—held some beauty to what she was like she was the light of the world, this man was just disgusting. Nothing looked the same and I could only assume that what happened to her was through a series of intricate cuts letting blood to cover her but to retain a figure of what she once was. 

My hand bludgeoned this man but not Moony, I never really had experience on anything that could be used as a weapon but what was on her was something else. It was like a strange attempt of surgery to make her look more beautiful and in honesty, she was. That what was interesting about it, it was more than just some normal killing. Something was special about it and as before, I was determined to see what or who has been killing those around me. The whole dream fell apart at that moment, walls and ceilings fell and I just sat there on my knees, arms wide, just waiting for the storm to come. 

Up next for Listening For That Sweet Tune:






















Remember me

Thursday, March 1, 2012

By Love, It Won’t Go Away.

I feel that a train wreck is chasing me,
but wont look that way.
Theirs a mistress in the mirror,
but I cant get her to stay.
We live on sidewalks and vanity,
we make homes to those we hate.
Your emotions create a fire,
let it burn through all the way.
Eventually you'll see the day, to the end.

Your the only thing that’s living,
in a world that is far dead.
Crumble up the papers,
need to get it out of your head.
For all I did, did this for you,
give you a chance to start again.
Tear it just like paper,
wrinkled, torn and frayed.
Eventually you'll see the day, to the end.

Enters quickly as a waterfall,
he doesn't come to talk or stay.
Looking through the window,
nothing comes his way.
All the books are burning naturally,
but the preaches left to pray.
It always seems so menacing,
just keep the thing called fate.
Eventually you'll see the day, to the end.


There’s a fear now, 
haunts you everyday.
Placed by me but
it wont go away.
Though the ink is,
fading more each day.
By love, it won’t go away.












Remember me