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Sunday, April 29, 2012

My Last Thoughts (My Wish)


I can’t believe this.
I don’t understand why I cant......

I'll scream I love; I'll love you more.
I'll write it on the bathroom floor.
Mix it up, with serenade. 
Sweeter than all lemonade.
I need your love, please love me too.
Understand what I can do.
I can give you all,
especially my kiss.
That’s something you don’t want to miss.

Well I can’t do what we all do.
Get mixed and fixed with all my friends.
Entrapped in love, with no end.
Get to know my family,
be all that I was destined to be.

I start to feel these fragile words! 
Circles around me like a curse.
I can’t sit still and I will not stay.
Blows me open with hand grenades.
I know I can say you can too.
If you wont what should I do?
When you feel the planets shift,
realize that it was my wish.

I can see,
I can feel,
I can choose all the things that I want to.
With what I hear,
with what I care,
You can lay with me,
play with my hair.
Please leave my mind be,
I know you can.
I'll sing this piece to you everyday,
everything can be my wish.
Be my wish.
Be my wish.

Well, it’s my wish
I think I can do this.
I will choose my life,
I know I can do this.
Leave it be known,
I do care.
You can keep,
all the things that I wear.
You can change the world, 
with this small phrase.
That I don’t matter, 
Just you this day.
I love the world,
and you should too,
but its your wish if you want to.
I bet this world can be great someday.
It all really lies on,
your wish.


I wrote this on a spring morning, when I was sixteen.
This was to be known as one of my last poems I would write.
I planned to die that day. 

















Remember me


Saturday, April 28, 2012

Listening For That Sweet Tune-Chapter 7: A Dream To Remember Pt. 2




STOP
Have you read the preceding chapters?
If not then read it from the beginning
or
Read the preceding chapter...



Go to the beginning:


Preceded by


He ignored that poor woman; not only did her speech not make sense but also nothing was going to stop anyone from leaving that room. A feeling of suffocation passed through the man’s lungs and into mine. The incredible pressure that was on his body started to affect my mind greatly. I couldn’t think straight—I don't think anyone could in this situation—to any simple matter that could be done. His hand was still on the door handle; he was deep in thought as the liquid increased several more inches. Like he forgot how to twist a simple knob but maybe, just maybe, he was reluctant to leave this place in which I found him.

There obviously was a need to get out, even the man could understand that but something held him back. Unfinished business? Maybe he knew what was on the other side of the door and he didn't want to face it. Only by the time the liquid level reached the man’s hips was when he finally decided on his next move. There wasn't a need to drowning anytime today; he put each foot on either sides of the doorway before swinging it open to prevent the liquid pushing him forward and on the ground. He continued to think longer for a moment’s time to prepare him from what's to come. I felt his heart race faster and faster until suddenly his heart stopped, like skipping a beat. Something that could give an average man a heart attack but this seemed natural. Similar to when you jump from a deadly height not knowing what was going to happen to you within a few seconds or even when fear overcomes your body and you jump out of your skin, loosing all motions in your body. 

The heart just simply stops until the feat is done and when everything becomes clear to your mind body your heart moves faster than before. You get adrenaline through your veins and you feel like you cheated death and you feel prepared for everything else that is willing to kill you. That is what the man felt when he turned the knob to the next room. He ceased to breathe and became willing to die within seconds but death did not greet him. It could have even been worse in his eyes, I'm not really sure but I knew one thing for a fact, his heart stopped when he began to walk into the room and it continued to stay silent till the mans last seconds approached into his view but it wasn't the time yet.

As the door started to be cracked open a light flooded into the dark hallway that the man was inside of. The glow from bright light grew more intense that the man had to shield his eyes and regretted it the second thereof. The liquid that was building up by the door rushed out through all the cracks and into the other room. The door swung open to reveal a clean and perfect room. Everything in every corner was a gleaming white and the brightness of light coming out of it made it seem like one was inside the sun. Obviously this couldn't be the case but regardless, the dark hallway that the man was within led to a large bright and open room. Polar opposites they may be but similar in the feeling of what was within.

The man looked down to see what was rushing around him and into the other room and he grew sick to the sight of it. This dream began as a nightmare but then the glory of a clean room made it seem that everything may not seem so bad but the nightmare has began to consume everything that was good and destroyed the potential of every living thing. Blood, previously up to the mans waist, that same very life force that keeps many things living, now was spreading its way into what was preciously pure. The man noticed this as well and when he gathered his footing appropriately, he swung himself through to the other side of the door frame and went against the current of the warm, crisp liquid to attempt to shut the door. Feeling similar to a hull breach in a ship that could make itself sink, the man used all of his might to close the door to prevent any more coming into the room.

The door could seal itself rather quite well when closed. The man looked around the room in awe, it was surprising, it seemed that he had never seen light before. The blood that entered the room previously spread itself around the large room, tracing every corner it passed. There was enough blood to cover the whole floor with a slight puddle, with that, you can tell more of the dimensions of the room. The room was perfectly square leaving roughly thirty feet for each wall. When trying to determine the height, it was no use. It looked like it went forever in comparison to the brightness of the room but that soon changed. It began very slightly. What appeared to be blood began to seep through the upper corners of the room, no more than fifteen feet of headroom and everything became smaller than previously thought.

The walls closed in, the floor shook and everything began to fall apart before the man’s eyes. No sound peered into the room other than the sound of blood flowing out of a wound, very slight but still intolerable. Every corner to every wall and ceiling started to seep blood, staining everything it touched. What looked like veins traced itself along the ceiling eventually making the whole ceiling red and then rain. No storm clouds appeared but whatever was happening on the ceiling poured down to the floor like a natural spring shower. The man couldn't move from his spot from within the room; a great fear overcame his body and he was ready to say goodbye.

The last need to escape pulsed through the man’s veins and he turned around to face the door that landed him within the room. There was no escape, the blood had already built up in the hallway and there was no way to fight the current that fast enough before drowning. Even if he did make it through the hallway, what is even on the other side? It could just be a mere dead end and if you were going to die, I would rather die in a room in which was bright, dyeing in the darkness could possibly be the worst feeling anyone could have but more appeared to him.

A bubbling began towards the center of the room—the sound became very prominent—as the blood began to flow into it. Something like a whirlpool began to form nearly sucking up all the blood that was collecting on the ground. It seeped down into some hole that seemed to be in the ground but no hole was visible. Something similar to a buildup of liquid began to rumble under the floor shaking everything and then all was quiet. The man approached the center of the room cautiously blocking his face to be rained on—everything was quiet. A few more feet towards the center of the room was regrettable as the pressure of all the blood from under the ground ruptured into a geyser pushing the man onto his back. Blood splattered everywhere and the floor grew more in blood content, then something more of a fountain took form.

As the man lied on his back the blood level continued to increase up to pass his chest and then his face. Waking up, the man coughed up the blood that was settling in his throat as he got back up to his feet. The taste was discomforting the taste of it was like nothing ever before, not even the taste of natural blood. The taste settled within the mans throat, there was no way in getting it out now but maybe that was intended. The fountain from the center of the room began to turn into a finer form, a form of a person, then very slender like a woman. All of her features took form and when completed she just looked like a normal woman just covered in red—this couldn't have been the case.

As she approached the man, blood trickled down from every part of her body and onto the ground, she minced towards him with a purpose and every feature was visible. Unlike him, she seemed happy to be here. Not only did she have a grin on her face but also she was very calm, she no longer looked like something that could be liquid but a straight form. She grew near to the man and placed one hand on his waist and the other on his shoulder pressing her whole body against him all in order to whisper into his ear.

'7, 16, 6, 21, 14. Make me proud.' My heart dropped and I knew this man didn't have too much time left if this was to be similar to my dream before. She lifted her hand from off of the man’s waist and pushed off of him for a few inches and placed her right hand on his left wrist. It didn't seem like much at first but a sizzling began to sound from between them. The hold in which she had placed on the man’s arm began to burn through his skin, creating an intense pain to every sound of it. He began to scream—being the first sound I heard him make—and attempted to push the woman away from him. The hand she had on his shoulder moved up to his neck and she choked him for every second that he resisted.

While the burning continued, bruises and lacerations formed all over the man’s body, tearing his flesh with every inch the cuts moved on his body. 'You want to make me proud don't you?' she growled to him. The man was in total pain, he couldn't respond and that infuriated the woman. She threw him on the ground into the lake of blood that he was previously standing in--the blood level was now up several feet and was growing rapidly. The man scrambled to his feet to realize that within seconds the blood rose several more feet to make him unable to touch the floor without going under.

The view of the woman blended within the pools as she soon disappeared. He continued to rise up higher and higher to the point that his hands were touching the ceiling then making him to breathe in his last dying breath. All of the lights within the room turned off leaving him to die within the darkness. Nothing was visible, nothing could be heard. The mans last breath escaped from his lungs forcing all that was left of air out of his body. I suppose this is where he died, the worst way to go in my opinion but the dream continued for several more minutes. Everything was black and silent but before I had the chance to wake up, a heartbeat rose from the darkness. 


Up next in Listening For That Sweet Tune















Remember me


Friday, April 27, 2012

As I Lie




There’s a drill, 
that's ringing in my head.
Put me in a coffin, 
then nail me back up again.
I told you that this is a song,
Now there's nothing, 
and you don't play along.

I tear up pages, 
when I know that their mine.
I want to show you, 
it wasn't right.
I told you that this is wrong.
You walked away,
said 'You just don't belong'

I tried, 
to get this all along, 
I tried to get this,
suffocation, 
in of the back of my throat, 
out.

I lied, 
with every single breath. 
Like I'm just lazy.
Stay in Sunday, 
it just feels good and warm inside.
It helps me feel alive.

Whenever happiness takes its toll, 
I only wonder if I did, 
everything right, 
to the best I know.
Whenever a guilty conscious takes control,
I only roll back and forth, 
in my bed.

Filed for a renew, 
I see it in my rear-view. 
To the sounds of, 
whatever rises up again.
This was only to be a song,
I told you then, 
but you didn't give a fuck.

I'm only trying to give you what you want.
I'm only trying just to please, 
well I have to.
I'm only trying to, 
write you a song,
make it long, 
when I do, 
everybody sings along.
I'm only trying to give you what you want.
I'm only trying just to please, 
well I have to.
I'm only trying to, 
write you a song,
make it long, 
when I do, 
everybody sings along.

I tried, 
to get this all along, 
I tried to get this,
suffocation, 
in of the back of my throat, 
out.
I lied, 
with every single breath. 
Like I'm just lazy.
Stay in Sunday, 
it just feels good and warm inside.
It helps me feel alive.

Whenever happiness takes its toll, 
I only wonder if I did, 
everything right, 
to the best I know.
Whenever a guilty conscious takes control,
I only roll back and forth, 
in my bed.

When I lay in this bed,
that’s made for two. 
I'll be sleeping, 
with death, 
before I will with you. 
There was a chance, 
but you were too scared, 
so I'll sleep alone,
with the choice,
you thought was fair.

When I lay in this bed,
that’s made for two. 
I'll be sleeping, 
with death, 
before I will with you. 
There was a chance, 
but you were too scared, 
so I'll sleep alone,
with the choice,
you thought was fair.

Whenever happiness takes its toll, 
I only wonder if I did, 
everything right, 
to the best I know.
Whenever a guilty conscious takes control,
I only roll back and forth, 
in my bed.


























Remember me

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Listening For That Sweet Tune-Chapter 7: A Dream To Remember Pt.1




STOP
Have you read the preceding chapters?
If not then read it from the beginning
or
Read the preceding chapter...



Go to the beginning:



Preceded by



A dream appeared itself to me while my consciousness was taken from me after I met Moony. A great darkness clouded over my mind every second I breathed to push myself forward; a long dark hall stretching to as far as the eye could see. My view showed itself in another man, I do not know whom but the feeling from who he was created an uneasiness in my breathing. He walked along the hallway, having a dim light every several feet so you could see parts of the path in front but darkness filled every corner that the light could not travel—which was not very far. Walking down the hallway at a steady pace, the man looked over his shoulders constantly as if he was expecting someone to appear behind him. No one appeared themselves to him but he continued to look in many directions.

A feeling of claustrophobia traveled down my throat like drinking a liquid with shards of glass within it—it wasn't comfortable but I continued to drink. The hallway was no more than four feet wide, not even nearly enough for two people to pass through this hallway and it felt as if the ceiling was only inches above the mans head. He reached the first light in the ever growing darkness and a substantial weight lifted off of the man’s shoulders, which helped me to breathe better. He stood in the light for a moment’s time while looking both directions to see if there was an end—there was none. 

Looking both ways, the halls continued onto an infinite distance of darkness and an amber glow of light. The man heard a noise coming from his left—the direction in which he came from—and looked deeply into the darkness nothing showed its face to the man but his heart quickened and he grew anxious. As he started to walk into the darkness again, the weight that was on his shoulders previously returned nearly heavier than it was before. 

The pace hastened as the man continued to look behind him, I could feel a great fear echo through his mind, he knew something was following him but I couldn't tell what. He pushed himself further towards the next light but the minutes grew to an eternity. Suddenly noises came from the walls, ceiling and floor surrounding the man, the sound grew mechanical. A clicking and turning vibrated throughout the walls that turned to be a noise of gears in motion sliding one from each other. A loud deep knock echoed every second like something old was being pushed along or even opening around him but nothing changed. The light reached the man’s fingers and not a split second further, all the noise disappeared from the hall. Looking back to where the man came from, he couldn't see the light he passed previously, as if the darkness consumed it and everything that remained around it. I could hear him breathing heavily and I started to do the same thing.   

A crushing started to echo through the hall, like bone being snapped in half creating a chill down my spine. All the previous sounds continued afterward nearly louder than before but something new echoed through the walls and flowed through the seams. A dark black liquid began to flow from the cracks between the floor and the walls, a great rushing like flowing water. The screams grew louder in anguish and self-pity while the weight on the man’s shoulders only grew more. The light was no longer the man’s safe haven I grew restless and so did he, pushing forward was all he could do, so he continued. 

As each foot passed the other, the black liquid grew more and more to the point that it was beginning to pass his ankles. His pace grew slower due the ever growing resistance and the noises through the hall only grew louder to the point of an unbearable pain to the ears. Crying grew louder as the gears did with their continuous clicking; it was almost like a symphony of complete natural sounds to the ears offering a great spectacle to its audience.

I was not amused and neither was the man that I was able to see through. The liquid now reached mid way up the man’s calves, it was warm but thick pushing the man’s steps back and forth making him unable to walk in a straight line. It felt like he was walking through the ocean as the incoming tide pushed you around to wherever it pleases but it was pushing him forward yet backwards at the same time leaving him in a near stand still. 

Light upon light passed and went in the continuation of the hallway and what seemed to have no end, had now appeared in the distance. A bright light shown at the end of the hallway to what appeared to be above a doorway. As the distance grew closer more noises grew to shake the walls all around the man, shaking the growing liquid back and forth. Noises of metal scraping against metal and a low hum began to grow as the sound of cracking—to seem to be of bones—broke every sense of what could be calming. All the senses began to become stimulated as a smell of raunchiness stained the air. Rotting flesh started to rest on the man’s tongue pushing him to nearly gag, everything grew more and more as the mans tolerance began to push itself to overwhelming.

The doorway at the end of the hall became finer in detail as the man grew more close to the end of the hall. The light above the door began to show the doors beauty in all forms that the man could enjoy. Solid hardwood and grains of the door shined from underneath the doors colour of a deep red. He was now knee deep in the dark liquid that has only been cumbersome since the beginning but the door was approaching closer. A loud chorus of women screaming in agony began, if felt like they knew where we were headed and every step closer to the exit was only making the pain worse for everything that was around the man.      

The handle that was on the door was in an old fashion. Dust was gathered on the round knob to make the old scratched brass look even older than it truly was. When he finally had the opportunity to touch the handle, all noises of agony and loathing stopped to create a soundless room with sounds of flowing water to only break the silence. The man looked around in surprise to the events that just happened but before he could turn the knob someone talked to him. It was a little whisper to most likely come from a woman, she sounded desperate in her speech like this was more urgent than the task that was at hand.

'I've killed myself over words of less meaning; the silence can only destroy what’s left of my soul.' The tone was mysterious, it sounded depressed like anyone would expect but mid way through the sentence, it began to sound like a threat. 

Up next in Listening For That Sweet Tune

















Remember me

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

As The World Falls Apart (Dear Love)


As I try to look around,
There is no one around me.
As far as I can tell,
The fire surrounds me.
The stars start to dim,
as the cities they fall.
Sky cracks to tiny pieces,
while the mountains roar.
The ocean spits out,
what's left of me.
Through all this I see. 

When I look into your eyes,
I know I can say goodbye.
I can see all the lies that you hide.
behind your sunrise,
dear love you make me weak.
I try to wake up,
but I'm already unwanted
I can see the eyes,
I just wait for the sunrise. 
Dear love you make me weak. 

Theres a place out there,
surrounded by nothing.
They don't need you,
they don't need something.
Then the winds take your breath.
Taking the words you last said.
You can gasp for breath,
but you are already dead.
Then I finally find 

When I look into your eyes,
I know I can say goodbye.
I can see all the lies that you hide.
behind your sunrise,
dear love you make me weak.
I try to wake up,
but I'm already unwanted
I can see the eyes,
I just wait for the sunrise. 
Dear love you make me weak. 

There is an ocean,
lies miles away.
Filling your heart,
with words you can never say.
Let it hold your hand,




























Remember me